#26: Am I Sexy?
Heather and Zoe talk nerves before their first live show, test out new non-alcoholic drinks, and review the Sunflower sobriety app (yes, with an AI sponsor 👀). Zoe shares stories from her London trip—including getting called out for ordering tea at a pub—and together they unpack the Lil Nas X arrest and what it says about addiction, fame, and mental health.
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Am I Sexy? Transcript
Heather: [00:00:00] This podcast covers sensitive topics that may be difficult for some listeners. Please take care while listening.
Hi guys. Hi guys. Welcome back. Welcome back. Welcome back to Girl Undrunk. I'm Heather. And I'm Zoe. And we, that was a hot start. How are you doing? How's your mental health? I feel like I haven't seen you in a hundred years. My mental health is good. Mm-hmm. I feel like
Zoe: everything's just like working out, you know?
Mm-hmm. I feel so happy that I went on my trip. Yes. Do you feel inspired? I do feel inspired. I feel like just. I'm not getting too stressed out about tomorrow. Yeah. Everyone's like, are [00:01:00] you scared? Are you nervous? And I'm like, I don't
Heather: think I am. I know. I don't know if I am either. We have an a live event tomorrow at zero bar, so this will come af come out after it's Yeah.
Over. But I, I think that a, I'm avoiding it a little bit. Yeah. Because I think so too. Because,
Zoe: well, we can't really hit it head on because we don't really know how it's gonna go. No, we have not. So the unknown is kind of like nice in this way. Yeah. Because we don't know what we would be scared about anyways.
Heather: Yeah. I guess it's like the, the like conversation and the, like, not getting choked up with like people around, but I think at the end of the day, whatever's gonna happen is gonna happen and then we're gonna I think so too. And
Zoe: like it's our first one, so there's room for us to make mistakes.
Heather: Yeah.
Zoe: And like, I'm just gonna be looking at you the whole time
Heather: and if Yeah.
And I'm, I'm gonna be looking at you pretending that you're naked. Perfect. You know? Amazing.
Zoe: I might be wearing a see-through shirt, so like my nipples could be out.
Heather: Oh,
Zoe: what shirt?
Heather: You haven't [00:02:00] seen it before? Oh, a new shirt. A new shirt. Should I get a new shirt? I have no idea what I'm gonna wear. I haven't even like consider this considered that.
Well, this outfit that I'm considering in my head is
Zoe: a little bit sexy.
Heather: Oh, a sexy, okay, so then I can't go librarian. I have to go sexy.
Zoe: Well, I don't know, is sexy the vibe? I think sexy is your vibe. Am I sexy? Maybe I'll wear this outfit that I'm thinking tonight instead of tomorrow, because we're going to dinner tonight with, am I sexy?
Yes, you're
Heather: sexy.
Zoe: So sorry. Didn't answer that. Do you think I'm
Heather: okay? Remember in the movie, he is just not that into you and it's Scarlet Hanson, and then that, that small gentleman, and she's like, what am I? It's like, he's like, you're sexy and cute, and she's like, no, you can't be Both. Both things that are like, look, it's like sexy, cute, smart, funny.
What am I? What are you? You're beautiful.
Zoe: Honestly, you're stunning. She went outside the bounds
Heather: so much. You're beautiful, smart, funny. Okay. [00:03:00] No, I can only be two things. Oh. Oh, that's it. You're beautiful and funny. Thank you. Okay. I like that a lot. Drop smart. Yeah. That's okay. That's okay. That's okay. I didn't even notice.
Didn't even notice. What am I You're, ah, this is hard. Okay. I'm kind of nervous. I kind of feel like you're, if you, if I had to pick two, I feel like maybe you're sexy and funny. Really a sexy, I think so. I always, always got like cute. I think you, I think we've moved, moved. I think we, I'm rubbing off on you.
I'm so sorry. I think we've moved past. Cute. Yeah. But you are cute. Yeah. But I think that your main ones would be sexy and funny. Interesting. But not sexy as in like, she's like hiding behind, you know, dark walls and just, I don't, that's not sexy either, but like sexy. Like your life is sexy. Yeah. And the way you conduct yourself is sexy and confident and I like it.
And I want some of that.
Zoe: I definitely do. Like everyone does tell me I look so confident when they just like, see me on the street guys. Or when I'm [00:04:00] like walking into a room,
Heather: the Wait when I dropped you off, I remember I dropped you off at, um, not gonna say where we live. I dropped you off over there. Yeah.
And I, you, you got it in my car and acted as if you had been walking forever. Like you were just like walking and I was like, no. Walk with the purpose. Yeah. And I was like, no one's gonna fuck with
Zoe: her. Yeah. And
Heather: also
Zoe: she looked so cool. I wonder when that transition did happen or if I, I must have not always looked that confident.
I can't have been.
Heather: But do you feel like you're a confident person? Yes. You do? Yeah. Yeah. I feel like I have glimpses of it. Like I feel it every now and then, but most of the time I'm like, I feel like most of the
Zoe: time I'm confident. And then I have glimpses of like, fuck, what am I doing with my life
Heather: of weak?
Weakness. Weakness. Exactly. Weakness. And I feel like I'm always on new roller blades or I'm, you know what? I feel like, I feel like I'm on skates with skate guards on.
Zoe: Mm.
Heather: That's for you. Do you feel like that's more
Zoe: confident now though than like last year?
Heather: Yes. I think I, it's hard because [00:05:00] the thing that I'm working on, the thing that I love this thing.
Yeah. Yeah. I, it's so big and there's like so many insecurities I have around it and like who I am in this space. Hmm. So like doing the thing that I love, but being insecure about the thing is like, is hard, but in terms of me, yeah. Yes, I do feel more confident. Yeah, I do. I do feel like there's a sense, every day I feel a little more like I'm allowed to be here.
Mm-hmm. Just like with my friends or like in life or at the grocery store. I'm just like, I can here. I mean, you're here conducting your life, babe. Like this is
Zoe: all from you.
Heather: Yeah. I think it was like Tarick Hall I was listening to and he was like, you just have to go out and get your own life. Yeah. Like, no one's gonna give you it.
Yeah, no. And I'm like, oh, you're right. Okay. Yeah. But yeah, no, I definitely do feel more confident. Confident is a very hard thing for me. I think I have a lot of false confidence and that comes out every now and then. Mm-hmm. But I would like to hold onto it a little more. Yeah. It's not fun walking around the world being like, hello, am I allowed [00:06:00] to be here?
Yeah. It's like, just go. You know?
Zoe: I mean, in some scenarios like. I do get scared to like talk to people when I'm out and about, you know, new people. Yeah. New people is scary for me still, but like when I have like one conversation with someone that I'm like, okay, got I
Heather: got
Music: it.
Zoe: Yeah. You
Heather: know,
Zoe: it's the anticipation,
Heather: especially being sober.
Yeah. Because it's like, I know before it was like, oh, I'm gonna, we're gonna go to zero bar tonight or tomorrow and we're gonna like meet new people. I'm like, okay, it's gonna be crazy, but I'll have a, a cocktail first. We'll, pre-game. Yeah. We're not doing that. So I'm like, well I'm gonna have a Red Bull probably.
Yeah. Well 100%.
Zoe: Yeah. But this is interesting because when I went out with Alexia in London mm-hmm. Um, we went to like this bar club thing and after she was like, that was so nice to go out with you, because when I'm going out with my friends who drink, they. Have to like, have one drink to like have a little bit of courage to like mm-hmm.
Go up and meet people or like talk to new people at the bar. But when you're sober, [00:07:00] there's none of that. Yeah. It's like you always have to be at your baseline is always just like, Hey, I'm gonna do it
Heather: vulnerable. Yeah.
Zoe: Yeah. And it's, when she mentioned that, I was like, oh, I've never thought about it like that.
Like as sober people, we always have to be ready. Yeah. We can't be like, oh, I need to have a drink of this before I do this.
Heather: No. There's like nothing that's gonna give us a push. Yeah. Like we really just have to sit with our actions, consequences, and like feelings. Yeah. And she
Zoe: said like when she goes out with her friends and they're not drinking that night mm-hmm.
Then they're like, oh, I can't go up to this guy 'cause I'm not drinking tonight. Right. But always we have to be ready, like we're always down to just go and. Approach these people or like talk to a new person without shutting them down or, I don't know.
Heather: And I guess it's like if you have a drink, I'll feel more confident or I'll feel just less inhibited to go up to that guy and talk to him.
Yeah. But how is he gonna feel? Does he like it better if I'm a little bit drunk? Or does he like it better? If I'm sober, how's the conversation gonna go? Yeah. At the end of the [00:08:00] day, if you want it, you're gonna want it sober or drunk? Drunk. So go
Zoe: get it. Try feel like all guys just want us to be drunk anyways, so they can take advantage of us.
As we have said, you guys are the worst. Are the worst. Um, can we open this? Yes. Yes, yes, yes, yes. Yay. I'm excited for this one. We're drinking something new today from Collective Arts. Mm-hmm. This is the cutest thing I've ever seen, by the way. It's so cute. And blueberry, mango, acai, adaptogen, elixir with four essential vitamins.
Wow. This is what I need to be drinking. I don't need to be drinking a Coca-Cola or a ginger. I need to be drinking my vitamins. I know. So, uh, I know it's made with coconut water, prebiotics, lion's mane, and I have no idea how to say this word. Should I try? Yeah. I'm scared. You got it. Sh Sandra, where are you reading that?
I think mine's different than yours.
Heather: Sh Sandra, sh Sandra. Oh, I don't have that on mine. Okay. What are you drinking? Okay. [00:09:00] Mine is a zero sugar cucumber, lemongrass, lime fruit, and infuses sparkling water. Ooh. Antioxidants. Electrolytes. Electrolytes. You have electrolytes? I don't have electrolytes. I'll spit it into your mouth.
Okay. Perfect. Zero sweeteners, no preservatives. Four essential vitamins and mini woes. I guess all of them probably have the four essential vitamins. They better. I'm really excited for this one. Okay, here we go. Thank you. Collective Arts. Ooh. Oh, I smell, it smells like the spa. Oh, it smells so fresh. Ooh, the color is like, I wasn't sure what color mine was gonna be.
Sure.
Zoe: Clear. No ice cubes today. Oh, and she spilled, oh boy. Oh, and she spilled. Oh, she
Heather: spilled. Oh no. Oh, Jesus. Or just twisted her in here. I'll get you a little napkin, everybody. Hold on.
Music: Okay.
Heather: Cheers. Cheers. I dunno why I cheers. You like that? I did it last time too. Cheers. [00:10:00] I keep going. Okay.
Mm. Oh my God. I love it. Okay. Okay.
Zoe: Okay. Okay.
Mm Oh. Oh. Which one do you like better? I think I like this one. This feels more like a tea. This feels more like a sparkling water. Yeah. This feels more of like a drink. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, there it's kind
Heather: of
Zoe: like
Heather: mouth feely. I love it. I think I like the taste of cucumber more than I like the smell of cucumber.
I find it a bit overwhelming. I just like it. 'cause I like to be
Zoe: drinking like healthy
Heather: things now. Yeah, I know. I know, I know. I've been looking at
Zoe: like how much sugar is in some of these drinks
Heather: and I'm like, holy shit. I know. It's like, is there any liquid in this? This is just sugar. Just sugar. But I, uh, no.
You know what, like I'm getting to the point now where I'm like, okay. Like I used to be like, listen, I can drink in ginger ale every single day because I used to drink four, three to [00:11:00] four bottles of wine. Yeah. So my sugar intake is way less, but now it's almost, it's two and a half years. Yeah. I gotta chill out with the sugar.
Zoe: I think so too. I think the first year I was like, okay, like I am allowed to drink all these drinks, whatever. I wasn't looking at it. Mm-hmm. But now I'm like, I am so solid in my sobriety. Yeah. Why am I drinking so much? Sugar.
Heather: Yeah. At this point I'm like, well, we've done this. I've lost the weight I wanted to lose.
Mm-hmm. Now I'm just like doing Pilates, but drinking sugar. So yeah. Maybe I'll chill out. Yeah. I'm just like on my health and wellness shit right now. I am. It's 'cause it's September. It is September. September Feels Health and Wellness Day more so than the summer. Yeah. Well, summer's a free for all. That's true.
Summer is a free for all. We've been drunk the whole time. Just kidding. Um, imagine we've been drinking this whole time. I had a dream recently about that, that I was drinking. Yeah. And Ian, Ian, friend of the pod had to come over and I cried to him and he held me like a baby. That was my dream about Ian because he comes over and [00:12:00] saves me from things that Yeah.
He killed a spider in your house the other day. Spider. Well, yeah, it was, what was it? A gr
Zoe: not a grasshopper. It a big
Heather: ass motherfucking devil. And my knee is still, it's still stiff, my knee. Oh
Zoe: no.
Heather: I know. The psychiatrist asked me at the park, he said, how's your knee? And I said, is it, I do. I hear it cracking.
Always, always, oh shit, everything cracks. Um, okay. How is your mental health zza bear? My
Zoe: mental health is good. I feel a little bit avoidant though. Okay. Like, I feel like I'm just like going, I'm not really reflecting. I kind of feel like that too. Yeah. Sorry. This is your
Heather: time.
Zoe: I'll show it. We'll get to you.
Yep. Sorry. This is all me. Um, so yeah, I did, I, I didn't wanna go to my meeting last week.
Heather: Okay.
Zoe: And I was like, oh, I don't need to go. I have to pack for London anyways. Mm-hmm. Whatever. I won't go. And then this week I was like, oh, I'm so tired. I'm jetlagged. Like, I don't wanna go to my [00:13:00] meeting. Maybe I won't go.
And I was like, no, that's why I need to go because I don't feel like going.
Heather: Yeah.
Zoe: So I went. They were talking about step four and like, I need to do another step four because I, I meant to do another step four and my, the whole thing with my family happened and remind me, step four, it's like writing down your resentments and stuff to let them go.
Music: Mm-hmm.
Zoe: Um, and I had been putting that off, so I did text my sponsor after that meeting and was like, Hey, let's meet up next week. So we have that planned. So I think after that I'll feel a little bit better.
Heather: I have a question. Yeah. You go through all your steps. Yeah. That's what you do. Yeah. And then what happens?
You've done all your steps. Yeah. And then something happens and you have a resentment come up. Yeah. Like a new resentment, what you supposed to do. Yeah.
Zoe: I So. You should be doing a daily inventory every night. Okay. I don't. Okay. Okay. I don't do that. [00:14:00] Right. If I'm feeling like I need to,
Heather: I will, but I don't.
Um, well it's really pretty obvious if there is a resentment, right? Yeah. Because you're not going through all of your days having resentment. So if one comes up, you're like, oh yeah. So I
Zoe: should be dealing with that like head on right away. But I've been kind of putting that off and maybe that's like why I am been a little bit avoidant.
I don't know. Which resentment is it? Oh God. Is it me? No, but I'm sure you'll get on my list soon, Zoe. Really? Yeah. Well. No, no, no, no. Yeah, that's what happens. I don't want to people, the people that you love the most are often on your resentment list the most. Okay. I don't want
Heather: to be there. I worry so much about our friendship all the time.
I think about our friendship so deeply all the time, and I'm like, how do we be friends forever? Well, so there is a resentment that I know about. Yes. That has nothing to do with me. Nothing to do with you. Okay. Okay. So that is a big one that we've been working on. Yeah. That
Zoe: you've been dealing with. Yeah.
So I think I made a [00:15:00] plan with my sponsor like two months ago to do that resentment, but then I. Didn't put in my calendar and I had to bail on her, and I never rescheduled it because I was busy and something happened in her life. I didn't wanna bother her. But now I'm like, okay, I have to fucking do this.
What does it look like when you do step four? Like, what is, what are you doing? We talk about it and then I write it out and then I give it to God.
Heather: Okay. Do you burn it? No. You throw it into the wind? No, I keep it. Okay. Yeah. You put it into a uns. It's all in my journals. You could do, um, you could put it into someone's backpack as they're walking by.
Did you burn things in rehab? Yeah, of course. Yeah, me too. They love a ceremony. They
Zoe: love it. They love to burn stuff. I, okay.
Heather: I
Zoe: loved it. I, I think I cried after I burned something. I
Heather: wanted to, yeah. I wanted it to be better. Yeah. But at that time, the group that had gotten together, there was too many like newbies.
Yeah. That we weren't. Emotionally fucking each other yet. Right. So like it wasn't the right time and I knew that and I like, that's why I, I needed to be the rehab coordinator because [00:16:00] I'm like, I know when the right time to is to burn all of our resentments,
Zoe: but it was nice.
Heather: I do like to burn shit.
Zoe: Yeah. I
Heather: mean, we could
Zoe: do a burning
Heather: ceremony.
Okay. That would be nice. Okay. We have, we all get, maybe we could do that at zero bar. We all get to burn one man. Okay. So your
Zoe: mentee, my mental health. I'm gonna say, um, maybe we'll drop it down to a five this week. Okay. Okay. We're at sixes before I am like really excited for my weekend. Okay. Weekend tomorrow's event.
My boyfriend is coming down. I haven't seen him in two weeks and five days. It's almost three weeks. My, is he coming today? No, he's coming tomorrow. So my mom and her friends are down for Tiff and they're staying in my condo. So I said mother between the hours of 4:00 PM and 5:00 PM tomorrow. No one shall be at the condo.
Heather: You
Zoe: get out of here, you don't wanna be there, what are you gonna do?
Heather: I'm gonna have sex with my [00:17:00] boyfriend. What do you think is like the first position? Like okay, you haven't, here's actually my question. I haven't been in a long distance. Relat. Yeah. In like years. Mm-hmm. Is it still like when you see each other, you wanna rip each other's clothes off?
Zoe: Yeah. And it's all, honestly, it's kind of like, oh my God, I haven't seen you in a while. I'm nervous. It's nervous. And it's also like, I feel like we're not comfortable until like six hours into him coming, not because we're like, uh,
Heather: into him coming or coming. To seeing each other. Okay. To him arriving. I understand.
Yeah. Sorry. I got it. Got a little mixed up there. It got a little horny. So, yeah. So it'll be fun. And then what kind of sex are you having on arrival? Are you usually having standing up sex over the couch in the bed right away? What's your vibe? So I think like this will be our big one because, '
Zoe: cause I'll be there, my parent, my mom and her girlfriends will be there for the rest of the time, so.
Heather: Mm-hmm.
Zoe: I know we'll probably
Heather: play with a toy if your mom, sorry mom, if [00:18:00] your mom is at your condo. Mm-hmm. And your boyfriend's also at your condo. Separate rooms, very spread out those rooms. Rooms, yeah. But someone's. Sleeping on the bed in the living room too. But that one is closer to the spare room, right?
Yeah. Okay. But are you gonna be fooling around?
Zoe: I will still be having sex with him, with my mom and her girlfriend's there. Okay. It'll just be quiet, like not as fun sex, you know? Yeah.
Heather: It doesn't like deter you that your mom's in the room. No, it doesn't deter me either. It doesn't make it like more sexy, but it definitely, I'm like, whatever.
Yeah. But now that I say that, it's, it almost makes it a little bit more sexy. Well, I was gonna say, 'cause you're not supposed to. Yeah. I actually feel like this has never happened to me. It would never happen to me. Yeah. I will never have sex in the same room as my, in the same house as my mother. Not ever.
Not ever. Not once. Yeah. Our boyfriends were not, yeah, A, they weren't allowed to sleep over. They were not allowed to be in our rooms at all. Growing up. Crazy. Holy shit. Not at all. Yeah.
Zoe: Were you. I don't, I think I always went to my boyfriend's houses [00:19:00] instead of bringing them over. Yeah. To be honest, because they had more chill parents.
Mm-hmm. So that I could like drink and do drugs there. So why would I bring them to my strict parents house? That's the thing.
Heather: That's the thing. But would your parents allow boys in the house? Yes. Okay. In your room? Yes. With the door closed? I think so. Wow. Yeah. That was not allowed,
Zoe: but I just like didn't do it often because we weren't allowed to do everything like drink and smoke weed.
Right. And that's
Heather: what you want. Yeah. You want the trifecta. You want sex, weed and drinking. Really? If we can only have sex, what the fuck are we doing? Exactly. I could do that anywhere, anytime by myself. How is your mental health? Honestly, Zoe, I always feel so much better when you're here. Yeah. Nice. Like, I feel nice, I like doing this pod nice.
Even if I'm like, Ooh, I don't really know what we're gonna talk about. Or like, I'm not super, like, I just always feel better. I think that. I just really like being friends with you. It's really nice. I had a weird week, to be honest. Like I feel like things, it's because we were separated 100%. I had a weird week.
I feel like there's a [00:20:00] lot going on. I'm trying to, I'm happy. Mm-hmm. I'm excited. I'm a little avoidant. Yeah. I would say maybe I've been a little numb. Mm-hmm. I'm trying to stay neutral and happy. So things that I'm doing right now, people I'm with, I'm like, it's happy for me right now. Things are feeling good.
It's serving me. I'll be honest though, I've got one more in me. I've got one fight in me, one annoyance, one argument, one more, and then I'm fucking out. Yeah. In whatever aspect that means, not the pod. Yeah. We've never argued. It's just weird. Right now I just wanna be like this. Mm-hmm. And as long as I can kind of stay like that.
Yeah. But I've got one more and then I'm like, I'm too young. I'm too tired. Yeah. Yeah. I would say my mental health is, honestly, I would say like it's teetering four or five. Yeah. Just because I'm a little, like I, I got upset the other day over something random. Mm-hmm. And it took me a little while to bounce back.
Mm-hmm. And I'm like, okay, yeah. Okay. This [00:21:00] is like a, you're fine. You know?
Zoe: Yeah. It's like when you get pissed at like the stupid shit. Yeah. You know, something is fucking wrong. Right. And that's,
Heather: that's a time where like we're with you where you're like, um, oh, I don't really wanna go to my meeting. Yeah. It's like you have to go.
Yeah. That's like, so you know who one of our Instagram friends?
Zoe: Mm-hmm.
Heather: So fun.
Zoe: One of our followers, she texted me, our band,
Heather: she texted us and she said, um. That she heard this quote that was like, addiction is the disease that tricks you into thinking you don't have a disease. Mm, yeah. Right? Yeah. And I'm like, oh my God, that's so true.
We drink. And it's like, no, that's fine. Yeah. It's just one more. It's fine. Or it's just, or I don't need to go to my meeting. Yeah. And it's like, that is dangerous. It's your addiction. Yeah. It's, that's not your addiction, but your addiction is coming when it's like, oh, she's not gonna her meeting. Yeah. Oh, and she's not going this week either.
Yeah. Let's see how far we can push her. Yeah, it's true.
Zoe: It's a tricky situation. I got really pissed off 'cause there was a kid kicking my fucking seat on the airplane. And Mary usually, like, I feel [00:22:00] like if I was at a better spot mentally, that wouldn't have pissed me off so much that it what if that it did what?
And I think like that's just like a testament to how actual mentally I am.
Heather: What, um, Xanax out Mother Teresa could handle kicking the back of your chair. Who could handle that?
Zoe: Yeah. I
Heather: think
Zoe: like, but tell us what you did. I think being okay mentally is like okay, accepting that that mm-hmm. Is just a fucking 2-year-old baby, you know?
And just like, okay, he's gonna kick my chair a little bit. Was he two? Yeah, I think he was two or three. Okay. So he was really young. Yeah. He wasn't like an
Heather: ass.
Zoe: Yeah. And like I was getting really just wild up and like anxious and mad and I'm like, Hey, I can't be that mad. This is outta my control. He's like, baby, it's not my fault that this mom isn't telling him to stop.
Like, yo, chill out. Yeah. You know?
Heather: Yeah.
Zoe: And I just like wasn't like that. So that's like kind of a testament to how mentally for well I am. [00:23:00] I, the mom should have been saying like, a hundred percent, yo, stop doing that a hundred percent. But the mom wasn't. But like, I'm sure she had a rough day. I'm sure traveling with a baby to London.
But if you can't travel with the, just don't travel with the baby. I know. I think there should be children only flights. So I turned around and I. Said to him, I made eye contact with him. He looked fucking adorable, which pissed me off even more. No, you can't trust the cute ones. That's, that's why they make them cute, so you don't kick 'em across the room.
And I said, can you please stop kicking my chair? Mm-hmm. And the mom was like, yeah, listen to her. Like, come on. And then I turned around and he stopped for like maybe an hour or two, but then he kept it going. So just like little things like that are a testament to how mentally strong I am, I think. No,
Heather: truly.
Yeah.
Zoe: Truly.
Heather: Because I would've scared the shit outta that kid. Yeah. I would've been like, Hey, motherfucker. Mm-hmm. You know what a, you know what a zip tie is while you're gonna find out? Or I would've looked through the little crack like this the whole time.
Zoe: Yeah. Well, I kept like trying to make eye contact with them [00:24:00] again.
Yeah. Throughout the flight. But I couldn't, what's worse is when it's like an adult person and you're like, oh, oh, well if it it was an adult
Heather: person, then
Zoe: that would be something different. Now
Heather: I'm gonna have to fight this gentleman. I'm the plane. Yeah. Huh. Worth it though. But yeah, I think mental health wise.
You know what though? Things are good. Yeah. Things are happening and I try to move with the universe and be like BB ba Off the shoulder. Off the shoulder. Off the shoulder. We're going. We're going. Let's get to news. Lil Nas. Okay, so Lil Nas.
Zoe: Yes. So what did happen? I only saw that he was in jail. I didn't read any of the article.
Heather: So Lil Nas X has been released from jail. Okay. It was a $75,000 bail. Okay. Which is, which is so much, I don't know how they decide that, but basically last week we talked about NAS and how he was like strutting down Ventura Boulevard and he was wearing his underpants and cowboy boots and like 5:00 AM Yeah.
Yeah. And being [00:25:00] crazy on the street. Okay. Yeah. But not overdosing, not harming anybody. No. Like he was just doing his thing. However. The cops were obviously called. Yeah, because you do, you have to eventually call the cops when there's like a, a mental health crisis. But then we, I thought he went to the hospital, right?
He did. Okay. He, he was to the hospital, so he went to the hospital for like a possible overdose and to check him out. They probably have to do that. Yeah. And then actually I don't What do He was arrested then? He was arrested and put in jail. Got it. Cornell, I wonder if they gave him like pants and a sweater.
Yeah. I wonder what they do. Probably not. But, um, $75,000 bail with conditions. Like he has to go to weekly meetings. He can't be on substances, drugs, or alcohol for like the first foreseeable future, blah, blah, blah. Until he gets his sentencing, which his trial is on September 15th. Okay. So that is soon.
Okay. Well maybe this is like kind of what he needed to like Yeah. So I open up his eyes a little bit. Yeah. And I, I don't know, I think like the, I mean, there's so many [00:26:00] things, right? Like we can talk about his sobriety and Yeah. How he probably was not sober. Yeah. And I think a, a big thing for me in this.
His dad made a statement. Oh, that what? He was really upset. He was like at the courthouse. Okay. His dad came, which like, dads fucking, some people's dads are amazing. Mm-hmm. Mine included. Is your dad amazing? Yeah. That's nice. What is your dad? He pick me up from the courthouse. He would pick you up from the courthouse?
He had to pick me up from the courthouse twice. Did he yell in your face? Of course
Zoe: he
Heather: yelled in my face.
Zoe: Oh, I know dad's
Heather: because your dad's a nice dad, right? Yeah, my dad's nice. And when my dad would yell, I'm like, oh. It's like, what is this how it's, that's the thing when they yell, it's scary. It's so scary.
I not interested. Yeah. Except my dad used to fake heart attacks and I'll never live that down. I'm never gonna stop talking about it. It's, it's a psychotic thing to do anyway. His dad came to the courthouse and he was like, NAS is, he didn't call him Nas, but Nas is [00:27:00] so fucking stressed. Like this is a result of fame and stress and like, I guess he's just been under a lot of pressure.
Okay. And I get that. And I feel like, like his la his albums and his like previous, no, but like all famous people have to go through that. Not all famous people are
Zoe: dancing naked on the
Heather: street. However, that is a very similar situation to trauma. And like, why can we have similar experiences? Yeah. Growing up you're fine with a baby.
Yeah. I'm a little psycho crying in therapy all day.
Zoe: Yeah.
Heather: It's like, what is that pressure? Mm-hmm. And again, we don't know what that pressure is, but like maybe that's the difference. Like, he's an addict. Yeah. Yeah. Maybe. Maybe that's true. Yeah. And like you're trying to cope for so long and then eventually, like no one wants to be walking down the street like that.
No one wants to be in a mental health crisis. Mm-hmm. But it does feel like by the time you get there mm-hmm. You're so delusional that it's. We need again, where is your team? Yeah, like we need people to be in therapy. Yeah. Like [00:28:00] these are people who have money. You have to have a therapist come to your house every Wednesday morning, but that also isn't enough.
People go through mental health crises. Yeah. So what happened is Nas caught three, he caught four charges, three felony counts of battery causing injury to a police officer. Okay. So when I guess they picked him up to take him to the
Zoe: hospital, he fought them.
Heather: Yeah. Yeah. And the other felony count of resisting an executive officer.
I don't know why they had to say executive officer. I'm like, mm-hmm. So your job title makes it worse that he was resisting you. Why? Because you're little. That's interesting. Bitch. Three felony counts of battery. Okay. Causing harm to officers. Three officers. Okay. These were the injuries. An abrasion on the head.
Now an abrasion with these cops can be anything from like a small neck. Mm-hmm. To a bruise to just kind of being hit. I wanna see the video. I wanna see the video too. Yeah. Body cam an injury to his hand. He said, actually it wasn't an injury, he just said he hurt his hand. Mm-hmm. And [00:29:00] the other cop had a sprained back.
Okay. So Nas was unarmed. Mm-hmm. And he's obviously erratic enough to where cops like, have to get in there.
Music: Yeah.
Heather: But I don't give a fuck about the cop's injuries. I, this is a mental health crisis. Mm-hmm. This is, I, I think the thing, like you're a cop. Some jobs you're. Gonna get hurt a little bit. I don't really feel like he should have been arrested for that because after the fact like Sure.
So you're mad
Zoe: about the system, you're mad about the system. I think
Heather: I'm mad about the system. I think I'm mad about the lack of empathy. Yeah. I think I'm like, if this wasn't a black gentleman, would this be different? I don't know actually. 'cause I also, you know, we also have like white girls who have been like picked up and like thrown into fucking, well, when my
Zoe: boyfriend got his DUI, he fought the cops as well.
And that was another charge that he got. He fought
Heather: the cops. Yeah. With his fists, his words, it was like resisting arrest. Yeah. Did he get, he got a charge for that. Yeah. [00:30:00] Resisting arrest. But it's just like, you have to change your mind. So you have to immediately go from like a crisis situation into like submission.
Yeah. No, I What? 'cause I didn't fight the cops. Sorry officer, I didn't know how fast I was going. Like you weren't going fast at all. You were in a ditch. I was probably just like,
Zoe: you probably stopped me and then I immediately fell
Heather: asleep. You're like, I actually have to dissociate these so much. I just take me to prison.
That's fine. Prison take me, take me away. Take me away. I know what I've done.
Zoe: Yeah. I don't know. I think 'cause that's the system, right? Like if you resist arrest, if you fight a cop, like you're gonna get charged.
Heather: I guess so. But I kind of feel like the charges should be dropped once we realize that this aggressive alleged situation is due to a mental health crisis.
Yeah. This isn't a person who went out looking for someone to hurt. Yeah. This isn't a person that's like, you know, it's not, it's just like he's going through something and I'm sorry, but your head. Your hand and your back. Yeah, I don't, [00:31:00] yeah. Yeah. Have you like, children will hurt your head, hand and back?
Mm-hmm. Like, that's part of the, I don't know, it just felt like adding that into the, the fi the document felt a little, well, I feel like it
Zoe: probably like, so there he's charged that it's probably gonna get dropped due to a mental health crisis, you know? Does that
Heather: happen?
Zoe: That can happen. Yeah. That can happen.
Yeah. I would hope that would happen. My boyfriend, the charge against him for like, as a, um, resisting arrest. Mm-hmm. That one did get dropped. Does he remember that? I think so. Oh, he does? I don't think he was like a blackout as I was, was on Was he drunk or was he on coke? Both. Both, uh, both. The drug charge got, the drug charge got dropped as well.
So it's just booze.
Heather: Nice.
Zoe: Literally everything that he talks about, about his whole case. Mm-hmm. Charge.
Music: Mm-hmm.
Zoe: It goes over my head. Like some things like that I just like really can't understand holy shit. That's like me with finances, like [00:32:00] Yeah. Whenever we have like financial things, there's certain things I just like, really cannot understand.
Some things cannot penetrate into my brain. No. And that's just being a
Heather: girl, maybe. I don't know a hundred percent. However, I will say, because now of this mm-hmm. I've had little financial meetings here and there, and I'm like, you know what? I think I could get it.
Zoe: Yeah.
Heather: Am I gonna be interested and start listening to financial?
What?
Zoe: No. I think like when we see Alexia next week, like she, she broke this down for me. She was like, so many millions of people in the world listen to podcasts. Yeah. 8 million people in the world are sober
Heather: if 8 million people are sober. Yeah. Is that sober or is that including like non, like non-drinkers like children?
I don't think so. Okay, so maybe adult
Zoe: age
Heather: non-drinkers. Yeah. Oh, I like that.
Zoe: And then so if we even get like a percentage of those eight that listen to the podcast, like we have a big audience. Yeah. Like she broke it down for us. Where are you? She broke it down for me and I was like, oh my God, that's so smart and cool that you just did that.
I love that. It's [00:33:00] so
Heather: impressive when women are smart and cool.
Zoe: No, Alexia's like phenomenal and like she will be our point person. Point person for sure. Multiple point people. I love
Heather: it. I'm so happy
Zoe: we have people I know that we can trust. I'm so happy too. It's so nice.
Heather: As long as everyone still loves us.
Oh, they will. Um, it's so that's still, I just, I think like it, it is a bigger conversation about like, why in the fucking world would three male cops be called to this? Like, this is a mental health crisis. It happened here a few years ago. At my building. The sister building. Yeah. But they, the people call the cops right On him.
Yes. But when you explain what's happening with the situation and the cops show up, then they should call, there should always be a mental health worker or a crisis worker. There's so many social workers out here and they get paid pennies, and there's just like, I'm like, guys, you have, you found, especially in the states, I'm like, you found $13 billion for war.
Mm-hmm. Let's [00:34:00] contribute a little bit to mental health, a fucking fraction. Mm-hmm. Because a police officers, I fucking don't care for you. However, it's not your fucking fault. Mm-hmm. It's not your fault that you show up to a mental health case and have been given zero training. Yeah. Right. And how to deal with it.
It's very stressful. Right. It's a very stressful job if we wanna be empathetic at all. So there needs to be support. Mm-hmm. There needs to be support. You don't want to be like dealing with something you know nothing about. Everyone's gonna get fucking hurt. Yeah. So if there was a crisis worker there, then they could at least be like, no, you know what, put him in handcuffs.
Yeah. Like we
Zoe: have to, you know, control the situation a little bit. Yeah, I agree with that. And advocate
Heather: and
Zoe: like, I think, yeah, that's like the goal, right?
Heather: That would be my goal. Yeah. But I don't know what the goal is. Apparently the goal here is just to put liquor on the highway at gas stations. Yeah.
That's crazy. So I don't Crazy. That's what we're doing.
Zoe: Yeah. We're focusing on the wrong thing.
Heather: Every [00:35:00] time Doug Ford has anything to say about alcohol and like per like the prices and the tariffs, I'm like, what the fuck are you talking about? Yeah. We have a crisis going on. Anyway. There's another app, there's another sober app.
We love
Zoe: these apps. Okay. This app is called, it just like is so showing of how. Sobriety is becoming so mainstream if there's so many apps about it, you know?
Heather: Yeah. 100%. It is. That is good. Yeah. I think like the one from a few weeks ago that we talked about, yeah. That just felt like, that felt like someone created that app who is not sober, has not had addiction.
They're just trying to like make an app. Yeah. It sell it. It's very strange. This one
Zoe: seems more focused on like staying sober. Yeah. This one, and not controlling your alcohol. That the other one was more like about controlling your alcohol. Yeah. This like
Heather: says the words addiction. Yeah. It says like relapse.
It says things like that. Mm-hmm. It's really cool. This app is called Sunflower. Honestly,
Zoe: sunflowers are my favorite flower, but I don't have, and [00:36:00] I think each day you get a new flower that blooms in your garden on the app. No. Which is a little bit
Heather: like
Zoe: jokey. Oh yeah.
Heather: No, I like that. Because you know why?
Because we are of the generation of Tamagotchi, uh, we are of the generation of collecting things, things love tamagotchi. Mine would always shit itself to death. Always. Really? Yes. Yes. I don't even remember that being an option. It would and it would beep in my room and my dad was reading us Charlotte's Web and I'd be like, oh my God, my Tamagotchi just shit himself to death.
I totally know He did that. And my sister would be like, you have to clean him. And I'm like, I won't, and I won't ever clean anything. Ever. Okay. That's what happened. So, um, okay, so the Sunflower app. I haven't. Okay. So I did, I got the free subscription. Yeah. It's like $49 a year, so like that's not bad.
That's not bad. I think the other one was like $200 A like 200. Yeah. Yeah. It was $200 to relapse every day. Literally to like enable an addiction. Yeah.
Zoe: Literally.
Heather: Yeah. This one is cool. So this one has like, there's like social, like there's like a cool, what do you call this? Like a [00:37:00] something for like a community?
Yeah. Like a platform where you can all talk to each other, which is nice. Really fucking nice. Yeah. Like that's what you need. Yeah. There's your journal. You can count your days. Zoe said, grow your sunflowers. There's also, the biggest part of this is that there is an AI. Sponsor and so we decided to talk to it a little bit.
Zoe: Yeah. I was talking to it about, I used my friend as a mm-hmm. Example, 'cause my friend just is sober and she thought that she may get invited to this wedding now that she's sober. But she didn't get invited
Heather: and she's
Zoe: feeling
Heather: sad. This is the wedding that you're going to No. Oh, a different wedding.
Everyone's getting married. Yeah. So we tried to talk to this AI to just kind of give it like a, a scenario and see what would happen.
Zoe: I asked it if it had any suggestions for meetings in my area. Mm-hmm. It didn't have access to that. It just told me to go on the CAM website. Yeah. Which [00:38:00] is like fine and cool, which is great.
It's very accessible. But it, everything that it was saying was very. Like Nice and like, can you give us an example? Supportive. Sometimes the rewards of sobriety aren't obvious right away. It's like planting a garden. You don't see the flowers the day after you plant the seeds. I.
Heather: Did you ask it a question?
Zoe: I was just like, I'm struggling today because I feel like I don't have anybody and I feel like I am sober, but I'm not getting any more opportunities from being sober.
Music: Mm-hmm.
Zoe: Um, and like it said back to me, I want you to know something one month sober is huge. Like seriously huge. Your brain is, your brain and body are still adjusting to this new normal.
Um, I asked how to motivate myself to get outta bed. It said to start tiny, maybe sit up and stretch. Mm-hmm. Put on your favorite song. Like everything it was saying was really nice and supportive. Mm-hmm. But your initial thoughts yesterday [00:39:00] were like, no. Right. Okay. Yeah.
Heather: So I'm obviously cynical about everything.
Yeah. And I. I, and because I'm a, a child pre, I'm a pre-internet child. Mm-hmm. I worry, well, here's what I said. Yeah. Anything that's ai, anything that's not a person, I'm gonna fucking lie to it. Yeah. Right? Yeah. Like, I'm a liar. Or even I lied to my therapists who are real people. Right. You know? So like, I'm not a liar now.
And you always catch me when I say that. Yeah. I used to be the liar. Yeah. I'm amazing at it. I've been doing it my whole life. Mm-hmm. Even before I was an addict, I was fucking lying. I love to lie and make shit up. I, if I was trying to quit, if I'm an addict and I have ai, I don't know how honest I'm being with it.
Like, I could bullshit it. Yeah. I could be like, yeah, I only drank a little bit today. Or just like, fuck off. Yeah. Whereas like,
Zoe: let's ask it that right now. Okay. Like, just be like, I only drank a little bit today. Am IS like, can I still be [00:40:00] sober or something like that.
Heather: I'm gonna say I only drank a little bit today.
Do I have to start over?
Music: Mm-hmm.
Heather: Hey, first of all, I want you to know that a slip doesn't erase all your progress. No, it does. Okay, well, we can actually talk about that. Yeah. Recovery isn't about perfection. It's about progress and getting progress and getting back up when we stumble. What matters most right now is how you're feeling and what support you need to get back on track.
Every moment is a new chance to choose differently. Wanna talk about what led to the drink today? Sometimes understanding our triggers can help us plan better for next time.
Zoe: That's good. That it like, wants you to get back on track. Yeah. You know, it's not like, oh, like, keep drinking or like Yeah, that's okay.
That you drink. I think it is for sober people. Yeah. Like this is addiction app for sure.
Heather: Yeah. I, I like that. I do. I think, um, either I would lie to it. I'm trying to think because when I, even when I had my FitnessPal mm-hmm. And I was like tracking my food, I was lying to it. Mm-hmm. But when I was tracking my alcohol and the calories and that, I was bringing it down.
Yeah. I was being like, oh, I only had [00:41:00] one glass three. Yeah. So I'm like. How much am I gonna lie to this thing? But now that I'm talking about it, I'm kind of like, it's stupid to lie to ai. It's stupid to lie to the app. So maybe it's kind of good. Maybe it's a step in the right direction before you actually talk to a person.
Yeah,
Zoe: it, I think
Heather: it is
Zoe: beneficial. I think I was saying, oh, it could be nice. Maybe not when I was getting sober, because yeah, I would lie to it too. But maybe if I got it now and I was trying to call my sponsor and she didn't pick up, maybe it would be nice to have like this other, yeah, AI sponsor. Maybe that could be a good support.
But then I was like, no, because I have so many other people I would call. Right. Instead of going to my AI sponsor. And that's like the point of going to meetings is like having a lot of people Yeah. To call if something is not going right for you. But again, not a lot of people are as like social. Mm-hmm.
And like outgoing. Or maybe [00:42:00] they're just starting and they don't have that many people to call. Yeah. So in that case it could be a good option to, I think like it is good. Yeah. I think it's obviously maybe not ideal. It shouldn't be the goal. Mm-hmm. But this
Heather: is a good support to have. It's like any hole is a goal.
Yeah. Do you feel burdened when you, do you feel like a burden if you need to call, Hey, let's say here's your scenario. I'm your sponsor, you call me, I'm not avail.
Music: Yeah.
Heather: You're like, oh, fuck me, now I gotta call someone else from the meeting. Do you? Honestly, my sponsor has never not picked up. AB is a terrible scenario.
Okay. But I'm your sponsor, so I am often doing something or I'm taking long baths and I'm not answering the phone. Do you feel like. Super cool to call somebody from the meeting. Yeah. Do you feel like you're gonna burden them by like being, oh God, Zoe's calling, she's having a crisis.
Zoe: No, I think like that's the whole point of calling people is the person that I'm calling, they're gonna feel like happy that I reached out to them.
Okay. You [00:43:00] know, like it's a group Yeah. Thing like I'm helping my sponsor. Right. Or like my friend by calling her because I came to her.
Heather: Right. And that's the point of community, right? Yeah. Like that is like they're there for themselves. They're there for you. They're benefiting from helping me. Well, that's the other part of aa.
Yeah. Right? Yeah. It's like it is the sponsor. That's the work, right? Mm-hmm. The sponsor's work is to help everybody else, right? Yeah. Or like the sponsor's work is to like keep other people sober.
Zoe: No. Like, no. The sponsor is just there to like support, you know? Sure, sure,
Heather: sure. It helps them. I guess what I was trying to get to is that like it is good for them.
Yeah. They to be helping community.
Zoe: By help my sponsor, by helping me is helping her sobriety as well. Right? Like it is a group effort. Yeah. Um, but yeah, I think it's not a bad app. I, the world is going into this AI direction, right? Yeah. So it makes sense that this is happening.
Music: Mm-hmm.
Zoe: Um, I don't think it's like a [00:44:00] bad app.
No.
Heather: But we should not be, we should not be fully like, um, relying on our AI robots community is so important to everybody. Yeah. You live longer, your're happier. Your heart health is better when you're around community. And for sober people, it's like so important. Yeah.
Zoe: It's so important. I think like if I was getting sober, I don't know how helpful it would be.
Like. You're right. And maybe it would be like a first step Yeah. Into meeting someone in IRL. Mm-hmm. But. I don't know. I think like, I'm happy this app exists. Yeah. I think that's really cool. Well, it's kind of cool 'cause like 10 years ago, no way would this app exists.
Heather: No way. Women, women weren't even allowed to be alcoholics 10 years ago.
Mm-hmm. Um, it is, um, I think maybe for a lot of people too, like even me still, like I, when people are sober for reasons that I'm not sober, I'm like, what? Yeah. I'm like, how did that, or like mm-hmm. Where's your trauma? What happened? You know, things like that. I [00:45:00] think a lot of people in addiction feel very alone.
Mm-hmm. And even though you know that other people experience it, you just feel so fucking alone. This is the only thing, you're the only person this is happening to. How the fuck am I gonna get out of it? But I think what's kind of nice is this community board Yeah. People are using language like relapsing and drinking and cravings.
And so I think it's kind of nice to look through this Yeah. And be like, what is everyone? Can you message someone on that? Like individually. Yeah,
Zoe: you can. Yeah. And then like maybe you can meet a pen pal through this app. And that could be like someone that you actually call for a crisis. That's true too.
You
Heather: probably could meet friends on this. 'cause someone said, I dunno if, well, it's fine. Hi everyone. I'm new to Sunflower. I'm trying to get sober and I need all the support I can get. That's really nice. Gives their name and then says, I'm four hours clean today. Nice. I kind of like that. I kind of like that too.
How many times was I four hours clean? Yeah. Right. Yeah. And being like, okay, I won't, I won't if I'm reading, you never know. Mm-hmm. I think it's good. This is good. This feels like an addition. Yeah. To ai. [00:46:00]
Zoe: I
Heather: think so too. It's an addition.
Zoe: It's, yeah. I think Cool. I think it's cool. It's not, obviously you shouldn't only be doing that.
Yeah. Yeah, I like
Heather: it. I do like it. I like that it's pushing sobriety. Yeah. I like that. It is about addiction. It's not like, oh, you know, don't worry, you're not an addict. You can control it. It's like these people are like, no, you can't. You're psycho. Stop. You know what I mean? Fuck yeah. Yeah. I like it. Same.
I'm happy about that. Um, okay Zoe, let's talk about London. Let's talk about London. Zoe. We went to London. She's a to London. London girl
Zoe: Now do you wanna move there? I mean, it's fucking nice as hell there, right? I know. It's so good. It's so expensive though. Like I can't afford it. We would have to live together.
Yeah, we would. It is so expensive. Like I didn't even realize that. Like you think Toronto, you think New York's expensive? No way. London's expensive. I think Toronto's
Heather: more expensive than New York. Do you think? I do. I think for like what you, uh, I take it back. I
Zoe: think New York's like a tiny bit more expensive than Toronto.
I think we have, we [00:47:00] definitely have. Especially with the dollar in the
Heather: States now, too. Sure. I guess I'm being like relative. Yeah. But like if you, I think you get more bang for your buck in Toronto. 'cause we do have bullshit here, but I feel like in New York there's so much bullshit. Mm. Like most people here I feel like have a dishwasher.
Yeah. Wouldn't you say in a condo? Yeah. Yeah. In a condo. And like laundry. Laundry. Yeah. New York is like, this is a building. Put something in it. Yeah. There you go. Fuck off. That's true. Yeah.
Zoe: Very expensive. Very happy. I went, it was interesting 'cause when I booked, when I was thinking of going to London mm-hmm.
I was like, oh, it's the long weekend, like the last long weekend of the summer. I should be spending it with my boyfriend. Nah, I should go to London. You know? Yeah. So like I'm really proud of myself for making that decision too. If like, would that have not been an, would you have not made that decision before?
No. Okay. I would've put my boyfriend first all the time. So I'm like, yeah, fuck yeah. Mm-hmm. I'm an independent queen. I don't need no boyfriend. I that my friends come first. I like that Zoe. So I was really [00:48:00] happy that I ended up going in the first place. 'cause yeah, it was really like independent and like girl boss of me totally going to visit.
My friend was so nice. We slept together every night. We had slumber parties every night. We did face masks. It was really sweet and wholesome. But
Heather: this is the first time you guys have
Zoe: been together like that. Right. So yeah, that was my, I haven't hung out with her for more than maybe five hours. Right. Then we've never had a sleepover.
We spent four days together. Yeah. Never had a sleepover. Were you at all worried about that? No, and I talked to her about that too. She wasn't really worried either. I think it's because we. We understand each other probably because we are both sober. Yeah. And yeah, I just like, I trusted her a lot. I usually am the one making plans.
Mm-hmm. In like all scenarios of my life. I'm like, I wanna make the plan. We're going here, we're doing this today and in London. I fully just let her make all the plans. You got to be baby. I got to be baby. And it was, I love being
Heather: [00:49:00] baby.
Zoe: Really nice. I, I told her like, I don't usually do this. Mm-hmm. And I must like really trust you if I let you Yeah.
Do full control of the whole trip. And it was an amazing trip and
Heather: I wouldn't have changed a thing. Yeah. There's a world in which, if I was going to visit her mm-hmm. What a crazy thing. That would be so random. I would like stay in a hotel. Mm. Like I am nervous about being in that close quarters with people.
Yeah. That I don't really know. Yeah. Even my sister, I've got a two day cap. I'm like,
Zoe: yeah.
Heather: Good for you. I don't, I think it was just like, you have a high tolerance though, for like. That she, it was nice. Yeah, it was nice. Not that she's difficult, but I feel like being with the same person for four days something you're not planning.
Yeah, it's a lot. I
Zoe: mean, like when we, when I was like, I need to fucking have a nap, like, we both shut up and we did our own thing, you know? Oh, okay. Like, it was very, I felt like I could tell her like what I needed in certain scenarios. So, I don't know. I think I was proud of myself for letting go as well, and like letting her take the lead.
And is she a good planner? [00:50:00] She's amazing. Yeah. She seems like she'd be a good planner. Yeah.
Heather: Um,
Zoe: a couple weird things happened. Yes. When we were at a pub on a Friday night, maybe it was like 11:00 PM we wanted to get a dessert before we went home. Mm-hmm. So we got like this apple rhubarb crumble and I got a water and she ordered a tea.
11:00 PM Tea is a very British thing. Whatever. It's your whole thing and it's literally your whole thing. It's the whole thing. You invented it. There was a different server that came around and he looked at Alexia and she, he was like, what are you doing? Drinking a tea in my bar on a Friday night? I'm gonna have to shut off the cameras.
So no one sees this, like, I can't believe you're doing this right now. Called her out for drinking a tea on a Friday night at this pub. Not in a quiet way either. Right. I was gonna ask,
Heather: do people hear him say that? Yeah.
Zoe: Everyone's now looking at Alexia and Alexia's like, uh, yeah, the tea's like, great. It's great though.
It's great tea. And I'm like, [00:51:00] what the
Heather: fuck? Yeah. Yeah, you said something. So I heard that story and I was like, I would've been like, Hmm, yeah, I am. Because when I drink mm-hmm. I'll burn down this bar and have sex with everyone in it, and then I'll be the only survivor. Is that what you want? But you said, what the fuck would I do if I was in early sobriety and that happened to me?
Yeah. Yeah. That would've been so vulnerable on a trip overseas. First time with this person that you like, you know, but it's, you know, it's an interesting new friendship and then someone calls you out for
Zoe: Yeah. If I was in early sobriety, that would've been like, oh, should we just like drink Alexia? Like, do you wanna just like get a drink instead?
Like that? I probably would've left that bar and
Heather: gone to the liquor store. Honestly. Yeah. Like I would've been like, fuck it then.
Zoe: Yeah. Scary. And like Alexia doesn't wanna air out to everyone at this bar that she's an alcoholic and that she's sober. Yeah. Like, yeah, I know. Not everyone is so vocal about sobriety in that way, so it's like,
Heather: no, it's really interesting.
And I get it. It's like, sure. Like cultural in London to drink. [00:52:00] But there's also addiction. Yeah. Like there is addiction in London. Oh, there's addiction in Italy. There's addiction everywhere. She goes to meetings
Zoe: in London. Yeah. Like, come on there. It happens everywhere. And also he's maybe this guy was like, oh, I could never drink a tea, so I have to call this girl out for drinking a tea on a Friday night at a pub.
Yeah. Maybe. It was like, oh, I could never do this and now I feel insecure, so I have to call her out. Mm. Was that what was going on? Was he, was he charting? I, it didn't seem like it.
Heather: Yeah. It just feels like you're horribly offended that not everyone is doing what you're doing at this bar. Exactly. And I can't control that.
Zoe: Yeah. Very strange. It was not nice, and it kind of did ruin the vibe. Like, yeah, we left immediately after that. We were like, okay, let's fucking go home, I guess.
Heather: So in retrospect, what do you kind of wish either of you had said? Like, do you wish you had said anything? Or do you wish you had just been like, okay and rolled your eyes, or, yeah.
Wish it hadn't affected you. Like what do you kind of,
Zoe: I don't think it. It didn't really affect us. Like we didn't leave right away. Sure. But like why would we like chill and keep talking at this [00:53:00] pub? Well, you're not wanted. Well, we're not wanted, so we just like finished our,
Heather: yeah,
Zoe: our dessert. Finished our tea and left.
Yeah. I don't know. I think it's a weird one. I'll find out the name of that pub and I'll let you guys know to never go back there again.
Heather: Yeah. And also it's totally fine to order a tea at a bar. Always. Yeah. Like it yet. Yeah. It's weird. It's not a tea room, but it's fine. They have tea there.
Zoe: They have tea there for a reason.
And it's, yeah, it's night time. I said this too. It's not about the
Heather: tips. It's not like, oh, you order an alcoholic beverage, you give more tips. They don't tip like that there. Yeah. So what is this about sir? Yeah. You're just not wanted. Your kind is not wanted here. You sober little rats. Yeah,
Zoe: I know. We're not gonna be.
Heather: Crazy and drunk and easy to
Zoe: fuck for the all these guys,
Heather: you know? Well, and that's, that's exactly right. I'm like, I'm not coming here to fit into the vibe. I just wanna drink my tea and look around and people watch and hang with my friend, and that's fine. It is like a bit polarizing. Mm-hmm. You are like, I'm just minding my own business.
Yeah. [00:54:00] I don't know, like with people like that, are you supposed to be like, actually sit down. Here's my whole life story now. Do you wish you wouldn't have said that? Or do you want me to have a drink? Well, that's the thing, like I don't think we're, we have to do that every time. No, I would love to do it.
Yeah. But no, it is, it is crazy. Like if someone's like not harming anyone, no one's being bothered. It's like, yeah, why the fuck would she be drinking a tea at 11:00 PM on a Friday? Mm-hmm. Maybe just shut up.
Music: Mm-hmm.
Heather: You know? Mm-hmm. Maybe she's got scurvy. Yeah. So
Zoe: that was one thing that happened that I wasn't loving.
Mm-hmm.
Heather: Did you go to a lot of bars? We went to like three. Okay. Fun. Yeah. And did you feel that kind of thing from anyone else? No. There was one drinking pressure. There was one guy that we
Zoe: met that was like, really, really drunk. And I was just like, Ugh, this is, did you have sex with him? So, no. But he had a wife and he had just gotten married like two months ago and he hadn't seen his wife in two months.
And he, the wife's in Miami and this man is just getting plastered at a [00:55:00] pub. And I'm like, oh, is he, he's definitely cheating on his wife, right?
Heather: Yeah. They all are.
Zoe: Yeah. What is this dynamic? What is that dynamic? I don't know. I think maybe she just married him for the money. I don't know. Oh, well then, yeah, get your bag.
Get your bag. Damn.
Heather: Yeah. I don't like that. And I want my like new husband partying in London with a bunch of like hot girls. I'd be like, yeah, are your child? And he seemed
Zoe: like older too. I'm like, go back to your wife babe. He was trying to come out with us too. 'cause we were going to another club after that pub.
Mm-hmm. Interesting. And he was like, oh, well, like. When are, when are we going? And I was like, no, no, Alexia,
Heather: he's not coming with us. No, no, no, no, no. You're like, yeah, I'll meet you outside. Then you take the back door and you go, yeah. Damn.
Zoe: Wow. Okay. Yeah. But when we went out to that other bar slash club, it was nice.
A lot of men approached both of us. Yeah, probably like five. Okay. And it felt very New York. Yeah. Because you're both, you
Heather: were both there single. Yeah. Like you were both there by yourselves.
Zoe: Yeah, exactly. There, like in New York, [00:56:00] when I went a couple years ago, so many men approached me and I was like, oh my God, this never happens in Toronto.
Oh my God. Never.
Heather: Oh
Zoe: my
Heather: God. No. It's crazy.
Zoe: And then I go to London, same thing happens. Someone comes up to me and says, I was the best dressed in Notting Hill. And I said, thank you very much. I bought this outfit today. You went to a party? Yeah. With their cute boys. There was a couple cute boys, but at this party that I went to, everyone was basically in a relationship.
Mm-hmm. So that was kind of annoying. Oh. But so fun to go and flirt. Yeah. There was one guy that I was kind of flirting with. Mm-hmm. Um, he was like, nice, but there wasn't much substance to the conversation. Mm-hmm. Me and Alexia went to the bathroom upstairs after, and she was like, oh, he was giving you the eyes.
And I was like, yeah, but there's like no substance. No substance to him. You gotta give more. I'm sober. Yeah. I'm like, I was boring at the end to talk to him. Whatever.
Heather: Yeah.
Zoe: And we come out from the bathroom and he's [00:57:00] standing right there. Did he hear you? We'll, never know. Well, you know what though? We'll never know.
You're boring. Um, yeah. But then I was saying bye to everybody at that party and he. Like said bye to me across the room and gave me the eyes again. So like, I think he knows like the eyes is all he got, you know? Like it,
Heather: yeah. I like it. Well, I had a, he was cute. I had a conversation recently with this person that I'm involved with, with about being open.
Mm-hmm. Because at the beginning of the relat, I would always say like, yeah, if you go to like London or Italy or somewhere and you're like, you meet somebody and you are having a nice time and you wanna kiss, like, go ahead. Mm-hmm. Like that's a, that's so hot. Yeah. And B, why the fuck would I wanna hold you back from that?
And also I wanna do it too. Yeah. And then he asked me recently, he was like, so is that true? Yeah. Do you feel like that? And I'm like, yes. And he's like, okay, well what if it's not a different country? Like what if it's this country? And I was like, yeah, yeah, totally. And then he was like, well what if it's Toronto?
And I was like, Ooh dunno. I was [00:58:00] like, maybe too close. I'm not really sure. I'm not really sure. But I did like that conversation. 'cause
Zoe: yeah, the more you talk about it, the more you know and well, because there's the
Heather: boundaries. You know, there is one person that I'm trying to date and marry, so Yeah. May. And I asked, I asked him, I said, may Martin forever.
I said, if May and I, if May and I ever meet, can we kiss? Yeah. And he said, yeah, yeah. I said, thank you. But I like that conversation. I'm into it. Yeah. I'm into potentially not being someone's everything. Always. For sure.
Zoe: You know? And like I talked to my boyfriend at the end of that night and I told him that whole scenario.
Mm-hmm. And like he wasn't jealous. He was like laughing about it. It's so hot. Yeah.
Heather: It's so hot. I just say, I was stupid flirting with
Zoe: this man. And
Heather: he's like, yeah, whatever. The difference of like having a boyfriend who's like. Listening to your story and is just there for it. Rather than like, my ex, I'd be like, yeah.
So I woke up today and he's like, who are you thinking about when you woke up and what was your plan? And I about you weren't in your bed? And I'm like, okay, that's literally exhausting.
Zoe: But yeah, it [00:59:00] was a really fun trip. Mm-hmm. At the end of every night, I would call my boyfriend. And your boyfriend is one for the
Heather: girls.
He is. He's a little sweetheart. All of our boyfriends. He's very sweet. He really is. Um, yeah. So London, so good. So proud of you. Do you wanna go back? Should we go?
Zoe: I, I would go back. Yeah. Okay. I think like we need to have a little bit more money and then we shall go because Yeah. It would've been so expensive if I had to pay for a fucking hotel, like mm-hmm.
No way.
Heather: And the flight there is so expensive and everything. Yeah. I think it was like two
Zoe: grand for the flight in total.
Heather: Coach. Yeah. Two grand coach. Yeah. Fuck off. Yeah. Why are you doing that? Yeah. Do you not want us to come? I know. Um, no, I'm really proud of you. That's really good. But it was easy. Like flying
Zoe: was really easy.
They just scanned my passport when I got there and like, I just went by so easy. I was paranoid for nothing. Which again, was like, okay, what's going on? Why am I so stressed out about this? Mm-hmm. Like, let everything happen. Let everything go.
Heather: And on the plane, 'cause you know you're a big plane drinker. Big [01:00:00] airport drinker.
Mm-hmm. Were you having any cravings at all when that bar cart comes by? You look at it twice? No, I was just too focused on sleeping. Focused on sleep and sleep and sleep in. Yeah. Like nobody wake me up. Nobody speak If you have to pee, climb over me. Yeah. Climb over my body. Exactly. Yeah. So good. So proud of you.
Yeah, it was nice. It's a big drinking culture over there.
Zoe: It just got me like way more excited about going to Italy and Portugal now too. I'm like, oh, who I know. Am
Heather: I? I am a world traveler. You dipped your toes in and your boyfriend's going with you, so you can be like, don't worry, we're gonna be sober the whole time.
Yeah. Follow me kid. Yeah, that's nice. Yeah. And then what the fuck am I gonna do when you're away? I guess I'll just sit here and wait for you to come home. Maybe I'll go on a trip too. Maybe I'll go on a trip. I, I, yeah, I would like to go on a trip. I wanna go to Greece, so I wanna go to somewhere. Yeah, I'm alone.
Imagine. I'll go visit Alexia.
Zoe: Maybe you can go visit. It would be cool if you popped over to Greece, popped over to Portugal. It would be, I went to London to see my friend and. God. Like we took so many fucking photos of each other. Perfect. I was like, that was the [01:01:00] best part. Just like posing for photos. I'm gonna be better at that.
Heather: I'm gonna be better at
Zoe: that. Yeah.
Heather: Because we'll take a lot of photos when we go on a trip. For sure. Yeah. We gotta go on a trip soon. Yeah. Tell us where we should
Zoe: go. Where should we go? Where do you wanna go? Send us somewhere. I mean, we could go to Montreal soon. Yeah. We could go to, but we are gonna go to Costa Rica in January.
Mm-hmm. Yeah. Is it just us? That's just us, right? I think that's just us. Thank
Heather: God. No boys allowed
Zoe: the
Heather: best.
Zoe: Yeah.
Heather: Okay. Well I will see you tonight. We have dinner. We have dinner tonight with our team. We're going to, can we say Yeah. 'cause there's come out later. We're going to Buca I to Buca.
Zoe: I haven't, I've only been to the King Street location, so I'm excited to go to the Yorkville.
Um, I'll maybe we'll see everybody.
Heather: Yeah. Tomorrow at the event. Yeah. So this will have already come out by the time, so, whew. That event was exhausting. Ooh. It went so well. We met so many of you and we love you all. Oh my God. I really hope a lot of them come. They'll come. I love you. I love you. Proud of you.
I'm proud of you. I'm very proud of you. Very proud of you too. Good for you for going on a trip like that overseas. No drinking. Good for [01:02:00] you. That was nice. And you are so cute and you are such a good friend and it was great.
Music: Yeah.
Heather: I'm so happy to come back to you in the city. Don't ever go away again.
Zoe: Fine.
I miss you. Proud of you. Proud of you guys. Bye. Love you. Bye
Heather: Thanks for listening to Girl Undrunk. You can follow us on Instagram and TikTok at Girl Undrunk podcast and or send me an email at heather@girlundrunk.com.
Zoe: Love. Whoa. That was good. So good. That felt like such a, we ended it right on time. Probably too. Felt like such
a friendship pod.
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