#11: The Red in Your Cheek Blood
Heather and Zoe are back this week with a big question: who's really responsible when blackout-you takes the wheel? In this episode, they dive deep into the complicated world of accountability. If you did something while you were blacked out, was it really you—or your drunk alter ego causing chaos again? They unpack the blurred lines between intention, responsibility, and the aftermath of a night you don't remember.
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The Red In Your CheekBlood: Transcript
Heather: [00:00:00] This podcast covers sensitive topics that may be difficult for some listeners. Please take care while listening.
Welcome to Girl Undrunk. Missed You. Missed You too. It's been a few days. Um, I feel like it's been forever since I've seen you. I don't know. It's just seems like while. Do you think because do you think because we blacked out during the cold plunge? I think because like we spent all day together and then we were separated for three days.
Yeah. So it seems like a lot. I still like you though. Oh, I love you. Yeah. I feel great. You look great and red. Thank you. Do I? You know, the only reason that I wear pink and red is because of you. That's like very true. But why didn't you think that you could do that? Because I just like didn't think that my kind, our kind the, the red kind, or just like the white [00:01:00] person with like, I'm very pink.
Like I have a lot of pink undertones. When I'm nervous or anything, I am like, I turn really red. Yeah. So like, that would be so embarrassing to be like, oh, she's the same color as her shirt. And I never really believed in any of that stuff. Like, oh, you can't wear that because it doesn't match really your skin tone, you know?
Yeah. I was just like, I can wear whatever I want as long as like I feel good in it. Right. And then I just never thought I felt good in pinks and reds because I was like, oh no, it like, it's bringing out the red in my cheek blood, which is nice. It's nice to bring out the red in your cheek blood that is blush and people, it's pay for blush.
They do, but I don't know. Now I'm now I'm working with Red. I feel like this shirt makes my boobs look really good. Your boobs look great or is it the bra? It's the bra. It's the very expensive bra. That's Mom. It's Thanks mom. Thanks Mom. Wonder if she's listening now or if she's disgusted by our last two episodes about men.
Yeah. There are a lot. I talked to my grandma on my way to here because I was so stressed out. I was like, I need to call Nanny. [00:02:00] Yeah. And she's been listening as well. She doesn't say much. Yeah. She's just like, yeah, it's nice. Mm-hmm. I think you guys sound good together. Yeah. That's cute. That's, I'm like, okay.
I don't know which episodes you're listening to, but I feel like they have a filter. They have like a kid filter where they're like, yeah, that is my child. I'm gonna just really not hear what she just said. Yeah. In one ear, out the other. Yeah. But my weekend was really fun, so we went out Friday night.
Mm-hmm. My cousin and I put her name on the wait list at Bar Poet. I've never been because I wanted to take her somewhere. When I go out for dinners with you, I just want the food to be good. Yeah. And I want like the scene, I'm not worried about the scene being like too busy. Like I don't really want us to go to a party scene.
We're not talking to anyone. We're not trying to go to like King Street or like go out out. Except I felt a little on the prowl the other day. Like I almo, I like, I got home and I was like, oh, you have one life. You should have just like asked those guys if they were single. But like I can also chill. Yeah.
I mean like we will get confident enough to do that eventually. Yeah. [00:03:00] But those guys were hot anyways. They were hot. We can't just go up to a group of six men. No, two. Three. Sure. Yeah. Six is a lot. Six is a lot. Because I'll be like, uh, should we gang bang? I guess that would make everyone happy. And I'm a people pleaser.
Yeah. So like whatever you want. Who wants to come home, I guess? Oh, the, I've been seeing the Bob House shit. It's, oh yeah. It's, I hate it. It's on your algorithm. You hate it. I hate it. Why? It seems like they're just grooming them for when they turn of age, which is just not, well, they are all of age. The Bob Post girls.
Okay. Well the one isn't, and I've been seeing her. Piper Piper. Piper, Raquel. Yeah. Well, that's very problematic. Yeah. Did I tell you that she's currently on like, uh, OnlyFans for kids? Yeah. Yeah. So that is problematic. But I also feel like other than them being at the Bob House, it's like. They're just like a few years older than her.
Yeah. And they're not doing anything right now with her, but they will. But I'm sure they're like putting things in her head. I don't think that she was going to choose a different path. She doesn't have any [00:04:00] education. Yeah. Like she doesn't have a, an elementary school education. Maybe you should like try to do that though.
But she has such a big following and makes so much money on the internet. It's like, guess what is she gonna do? That's her mom. Like her mom fucked her up that way. But I know it's just so crazy to think that like so many men are paying for that content. Yeah. Yeah. I think that's what gets me. I don't know.
I actually don't know necessarily how I feel about it, but in my opinion right now, in this moment mm-hmm. I'm like sometimes like if men are going to look at it for free Yeah. Because you're gonna post bikini pictures. Yeah. If men are gonna look at it for free, then why not get paid for it? I don't know.
Like if men are gonna objectify you and that is kind of our value as women. It's not, but like Yeah. Too men. It is. So it make them pay. It's just like that. That's fine, but then Bonnie Blue's gonna Yeah. Pick up Piper and get her fucked by a hundred guys. Yeah. And then her life, well, I'm not wanna say her life will be ruined, but like if she actually doesn't wanna do that and doesn't fully understand what's happening to her right now, then like [00:05:00] Yeah, she'll look back and be like, why?
Yeah. Was I taken advantage of like that? I was only 18. 18 is so young. It's so young. Your prefrontal cortex is not formed at all. Mm-hmm. Like your head is still, you have a soft spot in your head, basically. But the thing is like you make choices in life and when we were coming up, I definitely like, the whole thing with me was like, don't post anything you don't want anyone to see.
Yeah. Don't send pictures to any guys or your boyfriends or watch what you postage say on the internet because it could come back in a job interview. Mm-hmm. Now I'm like, okay, yeah, these girls are making choices at a young age to like sell their bodies online, but they're making millions of dollars.
Yeah. So, I don't know. Put it in the bank. Watch it grow. And there you go. Yeah. I don't know. I don't know. Like. I don't necessarily think it's like a thing to aspire to, but I also don't think it's not. Yeah. Because I think it's kind of badass, but I also, it's so much money. It's so much money that like, yeah, it makes sense.
Sophie Rain makes three to $4 million a month. Mm-hmm. [00:06:00] And I'm like, and mind you, she's like walking around the bop house in like a RCIA leggings. I know. And I'm like, guys, let's, I'll take you shopping.
Okay. Well how is your mental health this week? Well, I feel like I've been super busy from the weekend. Yeah. Um, yeah. We went to five different spots on Friday night. I'm not old. I'm 26, but I'm sober. So it was like, it was a lot for me. Five is a lot. It's a lot. It was a lot of bopping around, which I do miss.
I haven't bopped around like that in like a couple months. I kind of wanna bop around. Yeah. This is all King Street. No. So we put our name down at Bar Poet. Mm-hmm. Which I only picked that spot. Because my cousin like kind of wanted to have like a going out type of vibe. Yeah. And I feel like the restaurants we usually go to are not like more going out vibe.
Yeah. We're more just like there to eat good food. Bar poet doesn't have great food. No, I would never go there for the food, just the vibe. Anyways, so we bring her [00:07:00] there and then the waits an hour, so we go to death and taxes fun. Which is another cute bar. Classic. And she gets a drink That's $19 for a cocktail.
My God. No insane. Oh no, no, no. I know. And um, I got like a pineapple ginger ale mix because your favorite, their mocktails though were imitations of cocktails. Like it was a non-alcoholic Paloma or a non-alcoholic mojito. Oh yeah. And I don't like when mocktails are trying to be alcohol. Why? Because it's just like weird to me.
Okay. Because of for sobriety reasons? Yeah, for sobriety reasons. Okay. I don't know. I was taught that we shouldn't drink non-alcoholic beer. Mm-hmm. Or non-alcoholic wine or like non-alcoholic cocktails. 'cause it's like too similar. Yeah. And I think, 'cause I was taught that I just like have that mentality in my head.
Yeah. I wonder if I would be like that too. 'cause I was not taught that and I love it. And you like your non-alcoholic wine? Yeah. When we go out, I think it's fun. Yeah, it is. I did feel a certain way [00:08:00] holding it. Mm-hmm. That one time with you. Anyway, so, and then we went to bar poet and it was fun and cute.
We watched the Montreal game, they won that night.
Mm-hmm.
Zoe: And then we met up with my brother and his girlfriend at Paris, Texas. Oh my God. There was so many young people. Probably 20% of the bar was my age and older. But a lot of young, young kids, no, I can't do that. That's why like, I don't wanna go out anywhere.
Like I, I just don't wanna be with 18 year olds. Yeah. Well that bar is full of them, so definitely not, and I don't really like Paris, Texas because the setup's not good. If the setup was good for me to actually just like dance and have a good time and, and not pay attention that to the fact that there are children at this bar.
Yeah. Then I would've liked it more. Did you hear about the Vancouver attack the other day? The Vancouver attack? Yeah. The, there was a Filipino festival. Okay. And this guy drove his SUV, so I guess like at the end of the festival, they had moved some of the roadblocks to let the trucks come in to, to break down [00:09:00] the, like booths and stuff.
Um, and so when they moved the roadblocks, it like, let this guy in and he came and like he, he killed 11 people, including a child. Mm. Yeah. Isn't that fucking crazy? Did they shoot him and kill him? They're on site. No. What? But he was there. He was like standing at the fence and he was like, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
And people were like, yelling. What? Yeah. It was very strange. Why weren't they shooting him and killing him? Um, I think like cops are meant to not shoot if like the situation has been deescalated or there's like no next threat. But the thing about this, this man, this murderer at this Filipino festival in Vancouver is that he had known mental health issues.
He had had run-ins with the police multiple times, even potentially as recent as the day before he attacked. So like the police knew that this is a person that's dangerous. Mm-hmm. He's been picked up by the cops. He's been let back out on the street. The thing is like our healthcare system [00:10:00] sucks. Yeah.
And like people that are actively. Losing their shit need help and like, get picked up by the cops and the cops go, oh yeah, this is like a yeah. A psych situation, but there's nothing we can do. Yeah. It's like, okay, wait three to nine months for a therapy appointment. Like, yeah. It would be interesting to get that paramedic guy that I know because he is like, he has regulars that are homeless people or mental health people that, like, they pick them up at their house like once every month at least.
Oh, really? And bring them to the hospital. And then he doesn't know what happens to them when they get to the hospital, but then like the next month has to go and pick them up again. Man, it, it doesn't make sense. It's like there's constantly just putting a bandaid on things. Yeah. There's no real solution.
Mm-hmm. We need, I, I don't know, like do you think we just need like three more cam Hs in the city? Well, okay. You have cam h you have like. Addiction specialists, [00:11:00] addiction centers you can go to if you wanna get sober. The fight is always also gonna be forced treatment. Yeah. People don't want forced treatment.
That's what they're doing to all the, the safe injection sites. Yeah. Turning them into forced treatment and that is good for the conservatives or like if you're conservative leaning or not even, I don't just mean like conservative liberal, but just in like the thought process of it, of like, get people off the streets, put them in treatment, they can't afford it.
Great. Here's a, a situation, here's like the solution. We put everyone into treatment, but it doesn't work. Like forced treatment. We know it doesn't work. It would probably work for like, I don't know, 6% of the people. Yeah. If those people have like families that they can go back to. Mm-hmm. Or like a different life, but.
I don't know. I, I, I feel like it, yeah. Just like, kind of like a waste of space a little bit. Yeah. Right. A little bit. And I wonder to that question, like do we need more camm Hs. I, I don't know where the problem starts. Yeah. To be honest, some people wanna get sober, some people just can't get sober. Some people wish they could get sober if they had a different [00:12:00] life situation, but a lot of it, some people are just like severely and mentally ill.
There's also that. And then like, where do they go? There was a woman that lived in my building and she had lived here for, I don't know, 10 years or something. Mm-hmm. I mean, I've had interactions with her. Yeah. But through the. Through other people. I've heard that she was like lighting shit on fire. Yeah.
She like stabbed somebody, but she's been mentally ill for a long fucking time. Yeah. And it's just gotten progressively worse. Yeah. And then they kicked her out and then the next day she was living in the park right there. Insane. Yeah. Like right there at the park. She was living insane. Insane. And this was cold.
It was cold out, sad. But that person isn't gonna get help because they're not gonna go asking for help because they don't know necessarily that they need it. Yeah. And if you're mentally ill or if you're on drugs and you're in and outta the hospital, they treat you like shit. I mean, you know, they treat you like shit.
Yeah. And like you had money in a house. Mm-hmm. You were taken to the hospital, they didn't treat you well there. Right. Yeah. I mean, I was definitely a bitch to them, but Yeah. But you were on drugs or, I mean you were drinking. I was on everything. Yeah. [00:13:00] I hate it. It's, it's not great, but it's not great. I don't know.
I think this is definitely like a call to change because I. We can't just have people out on the street, like violent offenders mm-hmm. Who have access to cars and guns. Well, even, um, was it last fall when everyone was being stabbed on the subway? Yeah. Like there was mm-hmm. That was just mm-hmm. At least like one a day.
There was so many stabbings. There was so many stabbings. And then that's why they finally got the cell service in the subways. Oh really? Yeah. I, yeah. I'm like, okay, why didn't we have cell service this whole time, guys? Yeah. There's so many vulnerable people under there. Like just, yeah. Walking around at night.
I've gotten jerked off to a couple times on the subway. Like, it's scary. I would like to know if there's anyone who's never a woman who's never been jerked off to on the subway. I won't take TTC anymore if my phone's dead. Oh yeah. 'cause I'm like, I [00:14:00] dunno. That seems. Like a very sick, scary situation. Put myself in getting trapped in a tube underground with a staber.
Yeah. Without my phone. Not good. We have a male problem. We do. We have a male problem in this world. Well, I think the males don't like us. Well, that's clear. But like we give you everything. We raise you, we give you everything, and then you turn your backs around and stab us. Yeah, you do. You stab us. You stab us, right?
You drive us. You drive. You don't stab us in a good way. No, I do think we need shelters. More shelters for women. Yeah, like fully like women, men, and then L-G-B-T-Q, I think. Mm. Like to make everyone feel included. Yeah. And safe. Yeah. And like I like L-G-B-T-Q and women really, really need more places to go and sleep At night.
When I was taking the streetcar here, I was just like browsing out the window. Yeah. Trying not to kill myself because I was so stressed. Yeah. [00:15:00] Um, but then I saw like these two guys, it looked like they were almost like protecting this house. Like they kinda looked like security guards. They were tatted face to toe smoking cigarettes.
And I was like, oh, these look like some scary guys. I wonder, oh, I thought you were gonna say, I wonder if they're like protecting this house. Mm-hmm. And then I realized, I think this is, um, not a shelter. Like maybe like a, A trap house. I don't think it's a trap house, because there was like some old men in there.
Oh. Just like chilling. You think it's safe injection? I don't think it was a safe injection. I think maybe a sober living. Oh yeah. Or something like that. But then I kept looking at these guys and they were clearly just staring at this one girl's ass. I'm like, oh my God. And then. Another like man walked by and he was clearly like calling him a pussy and like saying all this vile shit to this poor man.
I'm like, Ugh. Men. Men. Why you guys are disgusting. What's wrong? What's wrong? What's wrong? Why do men, it's such a nice [00:16:00] day out. I know. Can't you just like be happy? I have, I mean, I have such an issue with the men.
I think the men just, well, they need to check each other. That's what they need to do. Yeah. Like my good man. Mm-hmm. I told him that he should be checking his friends and he honestly said that he doesn't. Yeah. Of course they don't. And they don't. And that's the problem. And I told him like, well, you need to start or just stop being friends with those nasty assholes.
There's like no reason for a man to be in an abusive relationship like abusing his wife. Mm-hmm. Or girlfriend and their friends say nothing about it. Yeah, there's no way. 'cause you know, you know, I think it's because like bro, code has been a thing for so long, so like bros don't feel like they need to like say any, like when a guy tells another guy like, yo don't do that.
The guy other guy's just like, oh yeah, whatever. Yeah. They don't actually like take it seriously. No, they really, really, [00:17:00] and then if they don't take it seriously, men just leave. Just go and and find a smart nice boy that you can be friends with that actually cares about you and likes your feelings and whatever.
Yeah. It's really scary honestly to like think how much we talk about guys in the relationships we're in or have been. I'm like, I don't know if they're doing that well. My boyfriend has lots of female friendships and maybe that's why he likes the female friendships because like he can actually talk to 'em about more shit than these guys are.
So surface level. Yeah, there's like a sensitivity that they're missing and I feel like is also like, not to be a male sympathizer, but is also like not. Presented to them. Yeah. You know, I think like a lot of them are problematic based on how they're raised and they're raised because it's the way that society says and I don't know, but I think that that doesn't mean that you can't change.
We're gonna be moving forward now, ladies and gentlemen. Sorry. We love you [00:18:00] men. Okay. Well speaking of, not speaking of men, but in terms of like, I've just been thinking about this recently and obviously with like the Vanderpump of it all, we're not gonna get back into Vanderpump. But watching them and watching Jax Taylor now like go to rehab and like pretend that he wants to be there and just like, oh my God.
Like such a liar. I feel like accountability has just been coming up recently and like we've kind of had this conversation, but I think. We don't talk a lot about our actions, things we forget when we, you know, you, you make a lot of apologies. The next morning. I don't actually know like how much conversation we're having between each other and the drunks and the non drunks and like, do the non drunks know that that wasn't us and we were drinking, and then how do I convince them that that wasn't really me, it was just the drunk version of me.
Mm-hmm. And I really wonder like, where does the accountability lie when it comes to substances and [00:19:00] drinking? Yeah. You know, I like to think like it's a good excuse. I was leaning so far into it as to say that when I was drunk, I blamed it on, oh, that was Chloe. Yeah. I didn't even, it couldn't even be me. I had to make a whole new name.
Yeah. For like this alter ego drunk self, because I couldn't even like. Bring myself to say, oh, that was me when I was drunk. No, that wasn't mean at all. That was Chloe. Sorry. Yeah, that's Chloe my drunk self. Sorry. Yeah, that's Chloe's fault. There's um, when it comes up, I mean, often in the news there's like something that happens with like drunk driving, whatever.
And I mean, this is also stuff that went around at my rehab too. People who came in with DUIs and they were deciding whether or not they wanted to fight them. Mm-hmm. And then having some people be like, yeah. Fight it. And others being like, well, did you do it? Mm-hmm. So just take the charge. Mm-hmm. Like, you know, we're being honest [00:20:00] now.
Yeah. You probably remember this case, I think it was last year, or No, it was in 2023. Um, Samantha Miller was killed on her wedding night. Do you remember this? This was in, I think this was in South Carolina. Okay. But she and her husband got married, got into a golf cart. Mm-hmm. So this was probably around like midnight.
Okay. Got into a golf cart. The golf cart was taking them back to their resort. So like, this was like a resort area. Like it's, it's, it's in South Carolina, a place where golf carts are seen. Got it. Like this is how they get around in this area. The resort is there. So like that was their transportation.
After the wedding venue, they were driving back in a golf cart to the resort where they were staying. Was someone driving them or they were driving themselves? No, no, no. Someone was driving them. Okay. Um, and the driver was sober. Okay. And then we have Jamie Roski. She's 27 years old. She comes just like zooming down 65 miles per hour on a 25 mile hour road.
Hits the golf cart. The wife, Samantha Miller, dead on [00:21:00] impact husband brain injuries. He's okay now. Everyone else was injured, but she was murdered. Okay. Killed Jamie Komoroski had a blood alcohol level of 0.261, which in context point. Zero eight is the legal limit to drive in Ontario. You can't, or you can't be 0.08.
That's over the legal limit. So that's a lot of alcohol. Mm-hmm. So, you know, there's like the discussion of, does she remember, like, was she blocked out? We don't know. She, you know, she says she's very, very sorry and she's going to spend the rest of her life helping addicts. Mm-hmm. So she says that she's an addict.
She says that she was addicted to alcohol. Mm-hmm. You know, she made a huge fucking mistake. She got in her car. Mind you, she drove herself to the bar and went to like a few different bars before she was leaving.
Heather: Okay. So
Zoe: she was making active choices during that. She got a 25 year prison sentence. They filed to reduce it to 10 because they felt that, like the media [00:22:00] frenzy around it, it was like this new bride that was killed.
Right. The media frenzy around it was like, okay, we have to put her in prison for 25 years. Yeah. Let's try and get that reduced. They did not. So she was in there for 25 years. She's, yeah, she's still in there. Well, she just got sentenced in 2023, so, wow. Yeah. So this case is really crazy because of course the media and everyone watching is like, fuck that girl.
Mm-hmm. Fuck you. This is like the exact opposite of what you want on your wedding day. Like no one expected that to happen. You were five minute drive to your resort and this fucking asshole came and hit you. Yeah. You wanna say put her in prison forever? I don't know that it's that black and white. It's just like so scary because like mm-hmm.
I could have easily killed someone. Yeah. When I was driving. Yeah. Thank God I didn't, there was one video that was going around on TikTok and it was like, this man was like going into this room and this girl was [00:23:00] sitting on the bed being like, oh, like I need to go home now. Like, why am I still here? Like at a hospital?
Mm-hmm. And the policeman was checking in on her and he's like, no, you're not going home. You're going to jail. Do you even know what you did last night? And she's like, oh my God, what did I do? Like, sorry. I was driving and he's like, no, you killed someone last night. You're going to jail. Oh my God. And I'm like, that would've been like, I could so see that.
Yeah. Like me. Dumb bitch. Just like complaining in the hospital room hungover. Coming to and just being told that you killed someone last night. Yeah. And okay, I, before we like continue with this, I don't wanna say that like. It doesn't take away from what happened to Samantha Miller. No. And I, I get that.
And, and if their family and people who've been affected by drunk driving in this way, listen, I hate it. Yeah. I hate out of control drivers. I hate drunk drivers. I hate drag racers. I fucking hate people on the road. Yeah. But we just wanna have a little more of a nuanced conversation about Yeah. The blame of it [00:24:00] all.
And like that family can hate her. Yeah. You can hate her. I just wanna, well, I feel like I would blame myself that for, if I did that for the rest of my life Yeah. And I would've, like, I would be punishing myself no matter if like I was sent to jail or not. Mm-hmm. Like I, my life would also be ruined along with the family of the people whose life is killed.
Like your family's life is ruined, that your daughter was taken away from. My life is also now ruined forever because I could never get over the fact that I did that, you know? Yeah. No, totally. One of my. Counselors. Mm-hmm. Killed somebody, killed his friend. They were driving. He was drunk and on meth. He was driving a convertible and they went under a truck and his friend was decapitated.
Oh my God. And he didn't know, he woke up in prison. He did not know. 'cause he had already been to jail in prison other times. So they just put him right in prison. He woke up and didn't know that his friend was dead. And I'm like, holy shit. You know, people plead insanity. Mm-hmm. [00:25:00] Sometimes when they do stuff.
Yeah. And they're not drunk. Like, I'm just talking about people like, you know, a mom kills her whole family. It's like postpartum depression. Yeah. Or it's, someone has a schizophrenic episode or whatever. Yeah. Doesn't the blame game doesn't, but it doesn't really happen that way with alcohol. It's like, do people, well, you can say that you're an addict and try to get away with it by going to rehab and like working on yourself.
Right. Yeah. But that's if you haven't killed somebody. Yeah. When you, okay. You wanna talk if you don't, talking about your DUI But when you got that, there wasn't, did there wasn't anything you actually could have done to get it reduced? Or was there Honestly, that whole time of my life was such a blur that like, I honestly don't know.
Yeah. What I think mine was also different because I think I was more than just three times the limit. Like I think like I was blackout. Mm-hmm. They were saying that they were surprised that I was still alive with how much booze there was in my system. Wow. I wanna see what my blood alcohol level [00:26:00] Yeah.
Actually was. It'd be interesting to know. 'cause I never wanted to remember that. I just wanted to black it out. Yeah. But I think because that was so high, my blood alcohol content level was so high that there was no way for me to get around it, you know? Yeah. Um, I just pled guilty and yeah, I paid the fine and I think I was saying that I was trying to get sober.
I was going to meetings and I did have, hmm. A therapist at that time, but I had seen her like twice and I went to one meeting online. So like it, I wasn't really See because trying to get sober, if you, let's say you were Yeah. Trying to get sober. Yeah. If, and that all you just said was true. Mm-hmm. If you hit my kid, yeah.
I don't give a fuck. I know that. You're like, what? Try and I'm not, this is not at you. Well, but like, I don't know what Fuck that. You're trying to get sober. Yeah. It's like, okay, don't drive your car. You are an asshole. I know. No, but there's probably so many people out there driving their car right [00:27:00] now drunk.
Totally. There's beer and wine at every gas station now. Yeah. In Canada. It what Someone was just telling me that like when they drive home from work, they like get a beer or a cider and they just like, yeah, well, but my drive is 15 minutes. It's like, not like I finished it. I'm like, what? Well that guy that, the guy that almost killed me.
Mm-hmm. The guy. The alcoholic that I slept with a few months ago. The strangler. The Strangler. He was saying that he would drink a lot at work and he drove his work truck all the time. Great. So great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great. Well, my friend worked for a dispatch company for long haul truckers.
Mm-hmm. And he said that they all do meth. Yeah. Like, but like, that makes sense to me because how are you driving that far and that long in the middle of fucking nowhere and sleeping in your truck without doing meth?
I didn't drink for two weeks after my DUI happened because [00:28:00] like everyone was so upset at me. Yeah. So I was like, okay, I need to take a little break. Actually, what happened, like you got your DUI you got pulled over by the cops. Where did they, they put you in jail? Yeah. LOL. Like you got into a cop car and they drove you to jail It.
I got stopped like a block away from the jail. Like I was basically at jail already. Did they put handcuffs on you? Yes, of course. Oh my God. That was my second time getting handcuffed. Oh yeah. The first time you were a kid though. Yeah, first time I was like 16, 15. I've never, well, I've been handcuffed, but Yeah.
Not by the cops. Not by the cops. Um, yeah, they brought me to jail. They probably kept me for like, I don't know, 12 hours. And then you woke up. Did you know where you were? Yeah, I feel like I came to In the cell. Mm-hmm. And then I was like screaming, saying, please let me go, let me outta here, blah, blah, blah.
Oh God. And then I remember having to get like shaking a chicken bone for the dog to bring you the keys. Literally. I was like trying to squeeze my way through the [00:29:00] bars. I was like, I am so skinny. Yeah. Come on, just let me through the bars, honestly. And um, I. Uh, then I remember doing my fingerprints and I feel like when I was doing my fingerprints, I was way more chill.
Okay. Like, I was, I had calmed down and I had kind of like accepted the fact that I was there. Mm-hmm. So, I don't know what happened between me screaming and the jail cell let scream. Well, what's the screaming about? Because I have a friend who screams too, when she's not happy and she's drunk. Like, was it, were you mad that you were there?
Were you freaked out? I think I always had a thing when I was drinking that like, I had to get my way all the time. Like, if I wasn't getting my way, I was, I was gonna scream until I got my way. Mm-hmm. Do you ever remember like, hurting someone or doing, like, is there a specific thing that you did that you like had to apologize for the next day that you just did not remember?
I mean, the biggest one was my DUI. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I guess when I got too drunk at my ex-boyfriend's, cousin's wedding. Mm. [00:30:00] And his mom had to drive me or take me home. Oh God. Say was in a field? Oh yes. The field. Yeah. Yeah. I think I tried to like, keep it away from parents. Mm-hmm. My ex, the one I was living with before I got sober, he, um, some like, 'cause he wasn't, we weren't sleeping in the same bed and he would, like, in the morning I'd be sitting on the couch and he'd come out every now and then and be like, I'm sorry.
And I'd be like, for what? Yeah. Like, I did not know what he was talking about, so I would just be like, so I guess we fought last night. Yeah. And I was like, yeah, I'm really sorry too. Yeah. Because I couldn't even ask like for what? Yeah. I have no fucking idea. That happened maybe three or four times and I was And you never, never cared what it was for?
Well, I couldn't ask. Yeah. Because then he'd be like, you would, he would go, you were drunk during our huge fight. Yeah. Like, I don't remember. I mean, I looked around. It's not like anything was like smashed. Yeah. But I'm like, I do not even remotely remember what you're fucking talking about. Yeah. And now I have to like, pretend that it's like, okay, and then I'm going to be drinking in two minutes.
Yeah. No, [00:31:00] that, that's definitely happened to me a lot with exes where I just had to like. Say sorry and not know what I was sorry for. It's a weird thing. Yeah. To make an amends or like to To, yeah. To apologize for something. You don't know what you did. You're like, but like when I was apologizing, when I was drunk, like, I don't know.
That's not like a real apology. No. I was just apologizing so that they would accept the apology so I could drink again. Exactly. Yeah. I'm not actually, so, I mean, I'm sorry that you're being affected, but unfortunately at this point we're past anything I can do about that. Like, I can't fix the way you're feeling.
I can't stop drinking. Yeah. And I guess that brings me to blackouts because I always think of blackouts as like you go out, you drink and then, then you just wake up in the morning and you're bed, which oftentimes it is, but it is also the like losing pieces of your night. Yeah. You know, it wasn't always a full blackout, but I do feel also my blackouts, I think I was blacking out every night.
I do same. The difference is like a lot of the time I was sitting on my couch doing it. Mm-hmm. So there was a less to forget. [00:32:00] Mm-hmm. Mind you like. Any movie I've watched Yeah. For the past five years, I don't remember. But I, um, oh, there's so many movies I need to rewatch. But also when I'm rewatching a movie that I know I watched when I was drunk.
Mm-hmm. It kind of triggers me. Does it? I'm kind of like, oh, I know I already watched this, but I was drinking. And now like some of it makes sense, but some of it doesn't. And now I don't like this feeling of like the in between. Yeah. And I don't wanna watch it again. Yeah. Do you remember the first time you blacked out?
I think the first time I drank, I blacked out a little bit. Mm-hmm. For sure. Because I made out with my friend's brother. And you don't remember? No. Interesting. And that's the first time you drank? Yeah. And I think I did like that. People were like, oh yeah, you did that last night. And I was like, oh really?
I did. Mm. Like, 'cause I didn't think I would ever do that sober, you know? Yeah. There were some things where like, it was just funny. Yeah. But a lot of the time I was like, it would be a text in the morning that would be like, are you okay? Or like, well it started off fun. Like for that it started off [00:33:00] fun. It started off being like me hooking up with my friend's brother, like doing cool stuff that I would've never done sober.
Yeah. And that's why I liked it at that time. And then as soon as it started consuming my life, I couldn't stop it. Yeah. I was pretending to black out before I was actually blacking out. Okay. Like, I would drink in college and be like, oh my God, I don't even remember what we did last night. Or like, when I first started drinking, it didn't take me that much.
I mean, it's like a placebo sometimes. Mm-hmm. Like you have like a glass of. Whatever. And you're like, I'm drunk now. Mm-hmm. And I knew I could be like, whatever I do, I'll just pretend I didn't do it. Yeah. But I was still in control, yeahinteresting, so I liked the idea. I've never been able to do that. Mm. So I would love to do that.
Oh yeah. Should I just pretend to be drunk tonight? Well, that's like what I did for a while because I was afraid to drink. Yeah. So I would just like have a little sip and be like, Ooh, yeah, we're go in. But then like not actually, I like that. Yeah, we could do that. I mean, we could do that. We could do that.
We could get like a non-alcoholic wine or beer. We should go to [00:34:00] the bar and act so drunk and see what happens, and then go and what happens the next week. And just like be sober. Well, well maybe when we are acting so drunk at this bar. Mm-hmm. Maybe there'll be guys that come up to us, because that's what I'm assuming is gonna happen.
Yeah. That's the thought log. That's the thought log. Yeah. And then are we, what are we gonna do? Are we gonna kick them in the balls? No, we'll just like be like, blah. So anyway, like where are you from? You know, just change like that. Have you seen the, what's the movie called? A Young Promising Woman? Yeah.
When she's like, yeah, she's like eating her out and then she sits up and she's like, I said, get off. I feel like the first time I did actually black out, it was confusing because it's like, I definitely like do remember some things, but it was cool to me. Mm-hmm. Like the idea of blacking out is not scary.
Yeah. The idea of losing a night doesn't scare me. All. Yeah. But to the normal person, they hate blacking out, you know? Yeah. Yeah. And I don't really like, know what, I guess the [00:35:00] fear is like, I dunno what I'm doing. Yeah. But I'm like, you kind of still do like, because you're, I'm kind of just like, I don't care.
Yeah. That I don't remember. I think that's the thing. Like, I'm like, I don't wanna remember anything actually. Yeah. So it's just like live vicariously through alcohol poisoning. I was listening to Dax Shepherds podcast and they were talking about drinking and addiction and um, how, like the thing with drinking is that I think after two glasses then you've run out of dopamine.
Yeah. Like the two glasses of like your first Yeah. You're chasing the two glasses of this. Yeah. And that's like, that's like a dopamine dump. Yeah. Your first two glasses. 'cause it does feel really good. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. And then after that it's, you're inebriated. Yeah. So you're not getting any dopamine. And then the effects of that after are like the burnout.
Yeah. The hangover. Yeah. But I would always blame when I was blackout, I was Chloe and to the point where [00:36:00] like my boss would call 9 1 1 on me when I was drinking at work because she thought I was on drugs. Or she thought like someone had drugged me because I was so naive. Because I was so crazy. Yeah.
That like, she was like, there was no way that this girl's only on alcohol. Were you trying to act normal? No, I, I was in a blackout. I don't know what I was doing. Oh, you were in a blackout at work? Yeah. Oh, okay, okay, okay. Interesting. And she was like, yeah, what are you taking? Like what drugs are you on right now?
Like, there's no way you're just been drinking holy shit. And I'm like, no, I was only drunk. Sorry. And that's true. And that was true. But you were just very, very drunk. I just like turned into like an insane monster. Well, okay, so that's the thing about blackouts, right? Yeah. And do you like, okay. What a, I'm just gonna nerd out a little bit on blackout 'cause I know it.
Okay. But like, okay, tell me the facts. I'm gonna tell you the facts. Okay. So basically your hippocampus, it's the part of your brain that is responsible for short-term [00:37:00] memory and then turning those memories into long-term memories. Right? Okay. So that's like what your hippocampus does. It's like the recording device in your brain.
Heather: Okay?
Zoe: And that's like what you do. You walk through the world, it's taking pictures, it's recording, you know it's going on. That's why you can remember things cool when you drink, your hippocampus gets compressed. And so that you lose your ability to remember things like your hippocampus is just like sitting in alcohol.
So it can't take in the short-term memories and definitely can't turn them into long-term memories. Interesting. So that's why you forget pieces of your night because after a blood alcohol level of 0.15. You are in a blackout and that that pretty much goes for everybody really after 0.15. Yeah. Because for even if you're 200 pounds or 100 pounds, 'cause your blood alcohol level is like directly related to you.
Right. So like we could drink the same amount, have different blood alcohol levels. Got it. But yeah, so after I'm at a 1.5, I'm, I'm in a blackout. And the weird thing about that is like, I could be [00:38:00] acting normal. Yeah. Like, or just like a little bit drunk. Yeah. Like you have your cognitive abilities. Mm-hmm.
It's not what you think it is. Like, you know, you've been roofied mm-hmm. And you're falling down and you're like being dragged out of the club by a dementor. Yeah. It's like you could, you're still making cognitive choices. Yeah. Your brain has just stopped recording, so you're not gonna remember. Yeah.
There's two types of blackouts. There's fragmentary blackouts, which is kind of like a brownout where you remember pieces of it. Mm-hmm. And then there's like the blackout, which is total, total darkness. I feel like most of mine were total darkness, but I think like. Sometimes I was blackout and I would go crazy.
Mm-hmm. And be Chloe. Yeah. Or I would go blackout and just like fall asleep. Like underneath the tables. Yeah. Well, it would probably depend on like the alcohol you were drinking. Yeah. Or what was going on in your life at the time. Like, I fell asleep underneath the table at the strip club once. That's crazy.
I know. That's really crazy. I, I fell asleep at dinner in Calgary when I was with [00:39:00] Ted. We like had gone out and I'd already gotten way too drunk. Yeah. I don't know how I know. Like, that's so embarrassing. Oh, I do know how, because I was sneaking alcohol. That's why, because we went to get, me and his brother maybe went to pick up some wine.
Heather: Mm-hmm.
Zoe: And then I got like a secret bottle that he didn't know about. Yeah. And I put it some, it was at his sister's house and I put it like in a cabinet. Yeah. So I kept going behind for water. Yeah. And so at some point, like I remember someone being like. Are you drunk? Yeah. And I was like, yeah. And no one else was drunk.
Yeah. And then we were going out and I asked him, I was like, can we go home? And he's like, you always wanna go home before we actually make it out. Yeah. And I was like, oh, we pray too hard. Yeah. And then we went out, then we went to this like Chinese restaurant and I fell asleep at the table. Mm. Mm-hmm. I was like, this is not for me.
And then do they have to like carry you home? No, they just like shook me awake.
Heather: Yeah. At
Zoe: that point, I feel like when I was blackout, blackout, I don't think I would wake up. Okay. Like my friends had to like carry me. Well yeah, because you keep drinking. Yeah. Right? Like you do get to the point where like, yeah, your body's gonna [00:40:00] shut down.
Yeah. And you're gonna fall asleep or pass out. But, and I think when you see people that are like sloppy out on the street, like they're already past the blackout point probably. Yeah. Yeah. Like it doesn't take that much. No, I know. And I always feel like if I see a girl. Blackout on the street by themselves.
I'm like, okay, I guess I have to go over and help her. I know. I feel a little responsible for that. Yeah. Like I know the feeling because I know a lot of people have saved me when I was in a blackout like that. Well, you know the, you know the look of the girl that's like standing on the side of the street and she's like in a skirt.
She's holding her phone and her feet are crossed. Yeah. But she's like, stumble, stumble. Yeah. Yeah. And you're like looking in her eyes and you're like, yeah, you're fucked. Yeah. But you are holding it down. And I remember looking at my phone and like, really not tr like not being able to find the Uber app.
Yeah. Like, just like focusing all of my fucking attention. Oh my God. I totally remember that too. That is the craziest thing you're like. It's like cement in your hand. You're like just hit [00:41:00] home and like your eyes wanna close so bad. Yeah. Yeah. And you're like, no, stay away. Yeah. Oh my God. And you're like kind of squinting.
'cause everything is moving. Yeah. You have to squint and in order to see when you're drunk. Yeah. You can't like, you have to like do a certain type of squint to see Yeah. With both eyes when you're drinking.
We've said it before in the podcast, but blacking out is often enough to make people stop drinking. Yeah. Or really slow down or take a really long break from alcohol. Mm-hmm. Even being sexually assaulted doesn't stop me from fucking drinking alcohol. Like being in dangerous situations, like being in cars alone with drunk men or like being in like rooms alone with men like.
It nothing. And I would never be like, oh, the alcohol put me here. I'd be like, oh, I'm a real dumb dumb, aren't I? Yeah. Like, I know nothing, nothing scared me. And I think it was because like, I needed alcohol so bad mm-hmm. Even before I really knew it. Mm-hmm. That like my body was always gonna [00:42:00] come up with an excuse to let me do it.
Yeah. You know? Yeah. That's funny. Um, that you say like, like for me, getting a DUI wasn't gonna stop me. Yeah. You know? Yeah. Being sexually assaulted wasn't gonna stop me. No. Getting lost. Getting lost, losing your car. Oh yeah. Well the, the DUIs don't stop people. That is, yeah. And I think you've said it before, but I have a few friends who have DUIs.
Mm-hmm. And that's what happens when you go to rehab and no one has a car. But that's not rock bottom. People always think that like getting your DUI. Oh, you got a DUI. That's why you stop drinking. Mm-hmm. It's like, to me. I'm like, no, no. I would not stop drinking after A DUI, this shame and the like, well, since I already got a DUI may as well, why would I get clean?
Yeah. Yeah. It's like that's just adding to it. Yeah. Now I think you should get DUIs and I think that you should not be allowed to drive. Yeah, for sure. But I just don't think that that's the rock bottom that people expect. You get a DUI and people are like, oh, thank God. Yeah. Maybe he'll stop now, or she'll stop now.
No, no, for me, I got sober six months after [00:43:00] my DUI. Okay. I just needed to keep drinking at that point. Yeah. Usually the drive that gets you a DUI isn't the drive where you're thinking to yourself like, you know what, this is the last time I'm gonna drink. Yeah. Like, usually that's not what's going through your head.
Yeah. So when you get pulled over, you're like, well, I'll be drinking tomorrow. 'cause, you know. Yeah. It makes no, like, I, yeah. I didn't drink for two weeks after that just to like, make my parents happy. I don't know if like, blackouts are the same because I, I don't really know what happens with all different types of drugs.
Mm-hmm. Like obviously if you smoke too much weed, you're like, I don't remember a goddamn damn thing and I don't care. And I don't even know who I am anymore. There was never a point, I think, where I like blacked out from weed. Oh, okay. Okay, okay. Okay. But I feel like you're, it fucks with your memory a little bit.
No, it must. But like, I'm still coherent. Okay. And I'm still like remembering what I'm doing in terms of like the blackouts and the people doing things when they're on substances. Like, I don't know what it is about [00:44:00] cocaine. Mm-hmm. But like any man I talk to who did or does coke, they really, really are like, oh, I'm out of control on cocaine.
Mm-hmm. The cocaine is the excuse for literally everything that goes on in their life. And like, yes, alcohol was like fucking up my life, but I also knew the decisions I was making. Mm-hmm. Like to pretend to be doing real estate and to actively lie to my family. I mean, I did a little bit of it, but I was like lying about that.
Like I was not working. Mm-hmm. The cocaine and the sex workers, that's what I wanna bring up. Mm-hmm. Have you heard this too? Yeah. Yes. There's something about men who do cocaine mm-hmm. Who get sex workers and then. Don't take accountability for it. Like, they'll just say like, oh, it's the cocaine. I have a friend whose brother, like, he does coke too, but that his brother, you know, sex workers all the time at the house and like at the house mm-hmm.
At the literal house they live in. Oh yeah. But you can't really blame him 'cause like he was doing coke. So it's like [00:45:00] you really like have to fuck when you're on Coke. That's a, if you have to cheat on your wife and get sex workers in your home when you're on Coke, hey, don't do cocaine. Yeah. But the like, blaming, it's like, it, there's nothing, there's always an excuse for something.
I really don't understand what it is about the cocaine that makes the men need to like, well, it's the same as like sexed other girls. Me blaming it for on alcohol. Like, I, I remember I called my boyfriend while I was sleeping with his friend. Oh, I love this. Beginning to a story. And the next morning I was like, oh yeah, sorry.
Like I was drunk. And did he get mad? Of course he was mad. Yeah. That wasn't our toxic phase of our ending of relationship. And when you said that, when you said like, sorry, I was drunk. Like were you like earnest about it? Were you like, well, yeah, of course not. Okay. But like I don't think any of these boys being like, oh yeah, sorry, it was the drug.
Or sorry, it was the Coke. They're not earnest about it either. They're addicts like I was an addict. I know. I know. I just am like trying to figure out [00:46:00] what is to blame. Because you myself was to blame. Yeah. I was physically fucking my boyfriend's best friend. Yeah. And calling her. When you did that, do you remember doing that?
Like, do you remember actively fucking your friend, your boyfriend's friend, like making that choice? No. Oh, okay. No. Are you remember wanting to go over there to do it? Mm-hmm. I don't remember going over there. Oh, shit. Yeah. And then I'm like, is that consent? I don't know. The line with consent is so, it's so muddy.
It's, it's so, it's so muddy. Especially when alcohol and drugs are involved because literally this whole conversation like blackouts, brownouts, what you remember, what you don't, yeah. How you're acting. You can be in a full, full blackout and be acting like you've had a drink. Yeah. You don't necessarily act crazy.
Yeah. Like sometimes you will be crazy and then you get to a blackout stage and you come down a little bit. Yeah. In your normal, yeah. So if I agree to have sex with you when I'm blacked out, but I don't remember, I'm [00:47:00] like, is that an occupational hazard or is that like, is that user error? It's just our fault for getting that drunk, I think.
I guess so. I guess so. So I think that's just it. Like if you are down to get that drunk to the point of blacking out. Sorry. But like you're kind of just like asking for it and I was just asking for it. Yeah. For 10 years of my life. Yeah. And I can sit here and say like, oh fuck that. The men shouldn't assault us or take home a drunk person.
But like at the end of the day, you're responsible for your own person. Yeah. And you're responsible for your own sobriety and addiction. Yeah. So like, yeah. Yeah. Shit. You kind of like, I think once you're in your addiction, you kind of just have to be like, well, whatever happens. Yeah. Make an easy, I'm asking for it.
Yeah. And it's hard because you're an addict. Yeah. So you can't stop. Yeah. You can't be like, okay, well when I drink, I don't know who I'm going home with. And I get assaulted. Well, unfortunately. That doesn't stop you because you're an addict. Yeah. It, it doesn't matter. And honestly, I didn't really even care 'cause I'm like, at least [00:48:00] guys want to fuck me still.
Yeah. Yeah. And honestly, like it's okay if it's not that great because I get to drink when I get home. Yeah. And that's better than anything. And at least these boys are supplying me alcohol and drugs. Mm-hmm. So, yeah. I'll sleep with them. Yeah. It's so weird. Consent is so weird. It's like you almost have to breathalyze everyone.
Going back to even talking about the piper of it all. Yeah. Um, the Bob house or whatever. Mm-hmm. And selling stuff online. Yeah. I was always so afraid that I was gonna wake, wake up one day and say that like I was on porn because I'm like. Who knows. Yeah. Who was videoing me? Who knows If I like said, yeah, throw it up there, fuck it.
You know what I mean? Yeah. Yep. I was scared. I do know what you mean about that. That doesn't, that's, that makes, because I know a lot of people have videoed me and I know I've sent a lot of [00:49:00] videos when I was drunk. Yeah. That's kind of scary. Yeah. That is very, so when we get famous, I really hope that no one puts my sex tapes online.
Please. Here's how I feel about some of that. Yeah. Okay. I like, I know that we were raised with the thing of like, and definitely me, it was like if you do that, if you take a picture, it's gonna end up on your dad's desktop at work. He's gonna see it like I, no, at this point. Like, I don't really care. Right.
Because like a, if you post nudes of me online, that's on you. Yeah. That's like fully unconsensual porn. That's fully illegal. Yeah. But also if you do that, then you're just proving my point and your point that like, fuck you guys. Right. I'm telling you I was inebriated on this podcast at 21. You're gonna, and the proof gonna post that.
Yeah. Yeah. Okay. So go ahead. I mean don't, but like that would just prove my [00:50:00] point. Got it. And also like, I feel like the nudes I was taking back in the day were so cute. Oh, mine were not. Oh, your ears weren't. Okay. Okay. No, that's the other thing too. It's like we have phones when we're drunk. There's not much that you can keep yourself from doing when you have a phone.
I've sent so many nudes to men, I don't know, I've like propositioned them for sex or been like, do you want me to come over and suck your dick? Like for what? Like, and I look back at my text in the morning and I'm like. Oh my god. Yeah. I'm insane. The fights, I would get in with men too if they didn't wanna have sex with me.
Yeah.
Was there a moment for you, I guess I'm only thinking about it now, but like was there ever a moment for you where you were like, oh fuck, I'm sober now when I can't blame this shit on drinking anymore? Interesting. I think it was just like me trying to figure out how to navigate life. Mm-hmm. Because, yeah, no one was getting mad at me for things, but people were [00:51:00] still mad at me for past things I've done, I guess.
Okay. So trying to like rebuild trust in like different ways. Okay. I have to ask you about that because that feels really hard. Mm-hmm. So when I went into rehab, I wasn't, I wasn't fighting with anyone. Yeah. I hadn't really made any enemies except for Ted. Like my ex. Yeah. We're okay now, but at that point he was fine.
Like he's living in New York, he was seeing someone else. He was like. Fine. Mm-hmm. Um, I wasn't in any active things or things where I had to make amends and friendships. Mm-hmm. And I wonder getting sober, coming outta rehab, what was that like for you, knowing like, oh, I have to now like, contact these people and admit to them what I'd been doing and apologize.
Like, what does that, is that not a lot of pressure? I think I was just like so proud that I had gone to rehab and that I was going to take this sobriety thing seriously. Mm-hmm. That I was like excited to tell people. Okay. In a way of like, I'm [00:52:00] proud of myself, like this is what I'm doing now. Like, I'm sorry, but like I'm now sober and I'm.
Like going to meetings and I'm getting a sponsor, I'm doing whatever I need to do. I think I was more proud and excited to tell people that I was sober and I feel like a lot of people aren't as proud when they come out and anyone who's sober should be proud of it and not scared to like let people know that they're sober.
But I feel like a lot of people are shamed that they have to be sober. Yeah. And don't like talking about it. Needing to rely on a substance doesn't make you a weak person. No. What it actually does is like, I don't know, the way that I see addicts and think about people who have substance issues is that actually you're a beautiful person.
Yeah. You're so strong with a lot of stuff going on inside. Yeah. And a lot to share. And somehow that got jammed or stuck. Mm-hmm. And you weren't able to express yourself in a way, and like you turned to alcohol or drugs and. I think turning to that [00:53:00] because you like can't handle your own emotional state Yeah.
Is actually a really beautiful thing. Unfortunately you just have to like go through the shit. Yeah. So many of the Gen Zs of the young people aren't drinking that much. Okay. So, and I heard somewhere being like, imagine in a hundred years no one's drinking and they look at it like smoking cigarettes.
Okay. So I do think that that might happen. Yeah. Like alcohol is poison. However, people can do it casually. Some people really, really can. That's a lot of poison into your body after a lifetime. Mm-hmm. And I think the young kids now are just trying to take care of themselves and be a little bit more health and wellness about it, and they're not gonna wanna do that.
Okay. Now let's talk about this. Yeah. 'cause I agree with you. Mm-hmm. On the surface I'm like, oh, gen Z, they're not drinking. Yeah. They're not having sex. That's great. Like people are waiting. They're being kids a little longer. That's what it sounds like to me. Wonderful. What it also sounds like is like, oh, the Gen Z saw the millennials drink too much and they don't wanna do that.
And now they're [00:54:00] focused on health and wellness. Is that true? Or why aren't they drinking? Why aren't they having sex? Is it because they're on their phones all day and they're not having social interaction? I mean, people have been having sex since the dawn of time, like too young, too old. Like you've been having sex forever.
It's a natural human thing. But were you just having sex though because you were drunk? I only had sex because I was, no, I really high or drunk. Yeah. But I think people generally do have sex because they want to, it's like an animal thing in your body. Most people wanna have some form of sex. I know, but like I, I was being pressured to by my friends and maybe like the girls nowadays aren't like pressuring each other and they're actually like being nice and kind to each other.
I don't know. That might be true. And I mean, whatever world that is sounds lovely, but it's not true. I don't know. It could be. Yeah. But I also think that covid, everyone's so scared. Well, I think Covid did a really weird thing and I think that the social effects of Covid are [00:55:00] actually gonna last. It's gonna be a whole generation.
Yeah. The whole Gen Z of it all is nuts. Yeah. Like it's a very strange gen alphas next and they're gonna have AI girlfriends, which I, I wonder if it's like, are they better than us and they're learning from us? Or if it really is just like. You're missing out on stuff because it's, is it better to not drink as a youth?
Probably, yeah. Yeah, of course it is. Like, but if that's the consequence of not going out and being social and only being on your phone, then I actually don't know if that's better. Because like people are gonna have sex when they're together. Like Yeah. Like eventually. Maybe not at like 14. Yeah. But at 18 you're gonna wanna start fucking around if you're having feelings.
Being a social kid is already so hard. Yeah. And now they've gotten the excuse to not do it because they have their phones. Yeah. Yeah. You're right. So, I don't know if the not drinking is, it's, it's a good consequence. I just don't know if it's like from the right line of thought. Yeah. I wonder because like, yeah.
I don't know if I saw myself mm-hmm. [00:56:00] Drinking like I did, I'd probably be scared to drink as well. Yeah. But my cousin also saw a lot of me drinking and she still drinks sometimes. Yeah. So I, I, yeah. I couldn't have scarred her that much. I wonder what that is too, when you like grow up in a family full of alcoholics Yeah.
And you're like, I'm actively making a choice to drink, knowing full well that this could turn into something. When I was in high school, my dad had told us that my mom's mom was an alcoholic. Yeah. And like, once he said that, I was like, oh, that fucking makes sense. But, um, my mom got mad at my dad for telling me and my sister that Interesting.
And I was like, why? Like what? It's not you. Yeah. Why are you? And he's, she's like, I just, it's something that we don't talk about. It's like in the family. Yeah. It's like, and I was like, oh, right. Because that side of the family, they don't talk about stuff. Yeah. My grandpa moved them outside the city of Montreal because my grandma was drinking so much.
Yeah. And he was like embarrassed by it. [00:57:00] And I'm like. Actually, what you should have done is told me and Karen. Yeah, and, and I don't mean should have like you made a mistake, but I'm just thinking like moving forward. I went through eating disorders for years and like psychological shit and mental problems and then the alcohol and I felt like I was alone my whole life.
I'm like, why is this happening to me? Like why do I have a problem with food? Why do I hate my body? Why can't I be like everybody else? Why do I now have to drink like this? I don't know. Maybe if my mom, or maybe if my parents had been open about the fact that like there is a thing in our family. Mm-hmm.
There's depression, there's anxiety, there's eating disorders. Yeah, there's alcohol and you might get one or all of 'em. All of 'em. Surprise. And then maybe it would've been nice. I mean, we sit here and talk every week and I feel so like seen and heard. Yeah. It's nice to like feel normal. Yeah. It's nice to not feel like an outsider or like, yeah, why is this happening to me?
Yeah. [00:58:00] Oh, maybe this is happening to me because. My mom's mom. Yeah. Like that makes sense. And even if it's not a direct thing. Yeah. 'cause I know there's like different schools of thought, whether it's like genetics or trauma or just like nature nurture. But I mean, it's not a fucking coincidence. Yeah. But like my mom's mom had trauma and she was super, yeah.
She was a drunk and I'm a drunk and there's a correlation there. Yeah. I think same with like my granddad's one brother. Like he was an addict and no one really talked about it. Yeah. As well. But I don't know. I think like the fact that I even as a young age felt very awkward and out of place. Mm-hmm. No matter what, like I think even if my parents told me that someone in the family was an addict, I don't think that would've changed my mind about like not wanting to drink.
I didn't care. Yeah. I just like. Really didn't wanna be there. Right. And [00:59:00] listen, I don't think that it's the cure. Yeah. I don't think that like saying this is in our family. Yeah. Is now gonna be like, every kid is gonna be like, oh great. I'm not gonna drink now. Yeah. That's not the cure. I just think that an open and honest, open, honest conversation about it would be nice.
Yeah. And yeah, like obviously my kids are gonna know I'm an addict. Yes. That's what I was gonna get to. Yeah. Like I, I think that it would've been nice when people in my family were watching me go through an eating disorder. I know. I know that they couldn't have said anything because especially at that time I was so fucking dysregulated.
Yeah. Not eating makes you nuts and needing to be skinny makes you fucking crazy. Yeah. So I was gonna stab my parents before they made me eat. Yeah. So there is really nothing they could have done what probably would've been nice, which just to know that like. You're not alone. Yeah. There's been struggle with eating disorders in our life.
Yeah. Rather than just being like alone in my house, running on the treadmill. Yeah. And no one really talking about it.
Heather: Mm-hmm.
Zoe: And acting like they didn't really know what was going on with me. And I was like [01:00:00] being secretive about it, even though it was really clear what I was doing. Yeah. And I think, but I didn't know what I was doing.
I didn't know why it was happening to me. I just knew I had to do it. So it would've been nice to be like, this happens sometimes to people. Yeah. And I think that now, like we'll do that. Yeah. Our parents' generation, were not gonna do that, you know? No. They weren't really allowed though. They weren't allowed.
Mm-hmm. And it was just like a different time. Yeah. That we just had to like figure shit out on our own, you know? Oh my God. Yeah. And now the kids are not gonna have to figure it on their own. Yeah. They're gonna have like way more guidance than we had. That's the thing. I think that that generation, our parents' generation, they were getting hit when they were kids.
Yeah. And then they knew that they couldn't hit and scream, so they had to like. Shut up and like not talk about anything. Yeah. Yeah. They had to figure out a way to like get to like get their emotions out. And that kind of like went in. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. It's like they just, it didn't talk about nothing was talked about.
No. And if they were hurt, it just slid under the rug and it was [01:01:00] avoided. But I do think that like accountability is a really, really nice thing. And now I'm so accountable. Now I'm a little too accountable, so when things happen I'm like, it's not my fault. Yeah. But yeah, it's better to be sober. Proud of you.
Proud of you.
Thanks for listening to Girl Undrunk. You can follow us on Instagram and TikTok at Girl Undrunk podcast. And or send me an email at heather@girlundrunk.com. And before we go, thank you to our amazing producer, Ariane Michaud, and support from her team at Consciously Produced, Martin Nunez- Bonilla for the graphics, Ian Sitt for setting up our sound and Daniel James for the music and final edits. This podcast would not be possible without [01:02:00] you.
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