#34: Tough to Crack (feat. Chantel Vandenburg / In Good Company)
Heather and Zoe sit down with Chantel Vandenburg, founder of In Good Company — a Canadian brand crafting functional mocktails that taste good and do good for your body. What starts as a chat about post-rehab entrepreneurship unfolds into a deeply honest conversation about rebuilding life after addiction. Chantel shares personal stories of recovery, resilience, and transformation — and how she's turned pain into purpose through her work and her sobriety.
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Tough to Crack (feat. Chantel Vandenburg) Transcript
Heather: [00:00:00] This podcast covers sensitive topics that may be difficult for some listeners. Please take care while listening.
Hi everybody. Welcome back to Girl Undrunk. I'm Heather. I'm Zoe. And today we're so excited. We have a very special guest today. Thank you for coming. Chantel. Hi. That's how you pronounce it, right? Chantel? I should have checked that before we started this. No, you're good. You're good. Chantel, such a good name.
Yeah. Thank you. And you're from Vancouver? I am from Vancouver, yeah. Born and raised. Born and raised. Okay. Okay. Nice, lovely. A little bit. Well, no, it's probably the same kind of gloom. We brought this gloom to you. Yeah. So you could um, I think I brought it, brought it to you. Yeah, you brought, you brought it us.
That's nice. It's nice. It's a little like home. Yeah. Um, so there's so [00:01:00] much to talk about. We've already had all of our conversations and we'll just do them again. Yeah. But let's start off with what we're drinking today.
Chantel: Yeah. So this is in good company and they are functional mocktails. Mm-hmm. They're delicious.
We've got things like adaptogens, nootropics, fiber, caffeine, and fiber and vitamin. Yeah. Four grams of fiber. Mm-hmm. Good for the gut. Yeah.
Heather: I need that. Well. Sober girls need that. We do. We all need it. I feel like I
Zoe: was pooping regularly when I was drinking. Yeah. And then I got sober and I was not, and it's been a problem for me.
And recently You too.
Heather: Yeah. And it's like a big topic of conversation. I know how everyone is pooping. I know how much money everyone makes when people are pooping and what kind of sex they're having. Those are the most important things. Yeah. Because like when people are like, well, we have a friend who was like, I poop four times a day.
And I'm like, you've never been an addict, have you? Mm mm-hmm. Like, this is crazy. This is amazing. It's a job. It's a job array. Pills.
Zoe: Yeah. Yes. Array
Heather: pills, but okay. That's great. Functional. Functional mocktail. Functional mocktails. So that means there's good things in it. That's right. [00:02:00] Mm-hmm. Not just a juice, not just, not just a carbonated sugar water.
Zoe: They're, they're good for you. Yeah. Love
Heather: that.
Zoe: No, I love that. I love drinking something that makes me feel good about myself. Oh my God. And that tastes good. You know, like, well we,
Heather: yeah. We talk about this a lot that when I got outta rehab, I mean, in rehab we were all drinking bubbly like crazy. Mm-hmm. Like that's just what you have to do.
And then when I got out, I was drinking so many ginger ails. Mm-hmm. Like multiple ginger ails a day. Mm-hmm. Yes. And it was fine 'cause I had been drinking so much sugar. But then. I'm like, well, I've made my life better. I'm healthier. Maybe I should chill out on the sugar. Yeah. But they're just so good. But now having things that are actually good for you, not just a filler.
So, exactly. And that was
Chantel: my thing too, is I was drinking ginger ales. Yeah. Or diet Cokes or whatever. And the amount of sugar you would consume.
Zoe: Yeah. Mm-hmm.
Chantel: Like if I was to go out with some friends and I would have maybe like four ginger beers, let's say. Yeah. Have you ever seen the sugar content in some else?
No. I'm scared to look at some of them. We just started looking at sugar content. Yeah. It's really scary. 43 grams of sugar per one of those little [00:03:00] guys. Mm-hmm. So I'd be waking up the next morning sober. Mm-hmm. But I'd feel like I was hungover off of sugar. Yeah. Yes. So for me, I was like, okay, no. There's gotta be something better there.
I have to make it. Yeah. No, that's exactly right. You have to have it. Me too. I'm so excited to try that.
Heather: It's always very exciting to see like people getting out of rehab. I'm like, a lot of sober girls are now like doing sober shit. It's not just like we get sober. I mean, not just girls, but that's. More important to me.
It's like we don't just get out and go back to our jobs. It's like, oh, how can I make this better for everybody? Like everyone needs to know what's going on. Yeah. Well you have to
Zoe: change
Heather: your whole life. Right? So you have
Zoe: to, sometimes you have to make things to suit your new life. Mm-hmm. Which I think you Exactly.
You turn your, your pain into purpose is
Heather: what they say I love. That's into purpose. It's like ours. It's like, um, this probably is aa but like recover loudly so people don't suffer in silence. Okay. I've heard that one too. Yeah. Yeah. Okay, let's give these a little pour. Let's do it. Okay. So I have key lime, mango, mojito.
Yeah. That's my [00:04:00] favorite one. And are these made in Vancouver? They're
Chantel: actually made in Calgary.
Zoe: Okay.
Chantel: Yeah, we produced them out in Calgary. It was just easier at the time. And, um, Calgary loves them, so that's a bonus. Perfect. And I have the watermelon t Heen Mar, I've got the same one as you. This one is Oh, so pretty.
There's four SKUs, four flavors. Um. The two that we have here are our two most popular. Okay.
Heather: Yeah. People like a little mouthfeel. Yes, they like a spice. Cheers. Cheers.
Zoe: Cheers. Yay. It looks like girls.
Heather: Oh, I love it. Oh my God. Kay. Okay. Is this gonna be spicy for me? No, it's not. It's just a hint. Okay.
Zoe: I like them both. It was so good. Okay, well this is what we'll be bringing to tonight. Yeah. I could definitely drink like four of these in a night and feel so good about myself, you know?
Chantel: Oh, and that's what they're meant for too.
For me, it was like I wanted [00:05:00] to put a bit of caffeine in there. 'cause that was something that was sort of missing from mm-hmm. Yes. Functional, or, sorry, not functional, but non-alcoholic drinks. I think there's something in my throat, like a frog right now. Just give it a
Heather: good
Chantel: cough, drop it out. Got it. Um, so yeah, it was either like Red Bulls Yeah.
Or it was, I drink a Red Bull a lot Celsius. Yeah. Or the Celsius. Yeah. Uh, I don't even think we had those like three years ago, but No. Yeah. We had the Red Bulls and, um, any sort of sugary, carbonated beverage. Yeah. And there was nothing to like, besides the Red Bull to like keep you up Yeah. And with it and enjoying yourself.
I mean, for us sober girls, I feel like you can only get to a certain point and then you are like, I'm outta here. Yeah. But it's nice to be able to at least stick around for a couple hours. Yeah. And a Red Bull
Zoe: is so aggressive sometimes. Like, drink a whole Red Bull and like you're like shaking. Yeah. You know, you don't wanna, you wanna just like ease it in look like this.
Yeah. So these are
Chantel: only 50 milligrams of green coffee bean extract. So, so what does like a, what does that mean? Green [00:06:00] coffee Bean? So it's just. It's basically, there's no, it's not synthetic. Okay. It's natural and it's, it's light. It's gonna kind of cruise you on this really nice ride instead of just like crash you outing out.
Zoe: Yeah.
Chantel: Like a Red Bull or a Celsius would, right? Yeah. Um, so it's essentially about half a cup of coffee that you're drinking. Okay. And the nice thing with these is like, you can go for a couple. Yeah. And so like the Celsius over there, you're looking at 120 milligrams of caffeine. Mm-hmm. If you have two of these, it's a hundred and you can kind of like Right.
You're not gonna spike the a crash, create your own adventure, if you will. Yeah. That's exactly right. Yeah.
Heather: Zoe goes out a lot more than I do. I, the first year of my sobriety, I just basically was in here. Yeah. Just like thinking about sobriety and boys and stuff. And then I met Zoe and I was like, oh, I guess we have to go out.
But that's the same thing. She'll be like, oh, this thing is starting at eight. And I'm like, LOL, I'm in bed. Like I'm in bed. My skin's been done, you know? Yeah. But yeah. And then I'm like, okay, I get to have a Red Bull and then have a heart attack. This is so nice. Now I can. Sip it and be [00:07:00] like, this is gonna last me a few an hour, I'm gonna go home.
Yeah. It's great. Exactly.
Zoe: Yeah. And the thing about going out is like, okay, maybe I'll bring a red Bull and a ginger drill. Mm-hmm. Both of those are shit for your body. Yeah. You know this, I can bring three of these and have them throughout the three to four hours and that I'm at my event or party or whatever and feel good about myself after.
Yeah, exactly. Which is amazing. And I love that we started this
Heather: podcast being like, we're sober, but we're not like health and wellness girls we're, we're gross. We're gross. We like have like weird sex with like inappropriate men and we're just sober, but everything is the same. And now we're like, okay, but are there vitamins in this drink?
Yeah. Like who's going to Pilates later? Like it really creeps in and I'm scared. I know. And I'm like, but what's the point of holding onto that like nonsense that I was doing before? I'm like, whatever. We're just moving now. Now I'm healthy. Now. What? You're elevating. Yeah. I got some botulism put in my face the other day.
There you go. Good to go. Good to go. Good to go. It's really good. Yeah. This is good. I really good. I'm really thrilled. Good. What? Oh, actually, what are you guys, are you doing anything for [00:08:00] Christmas? Do you have a Christmas campaign going?
Chantel: Well, not anything that I can think of right now. Mm-hmm. We're kind of behind the scenes and working on a million things right now.
Mm-hmm. It's been, it's been fun, but it's stressful. Like I was, I've not ever been a part of this industry or this business. So starting this was like really going out on a whim for me.
Zoe: Hi.
Chantel: Um, and with me, I feel like if I really want something, I will make it happen. Okay. Right. And this is like, this is pre sober days too.
Right. If I wanted something, I would make it happen. Yeah. And when I got sober, I was like, okay, this is what I'm gonna do. Yeah. And I'm gonna make it happen. So yeah. This is a brand new world for me. Mm-hmm. We're getting. Eight months now that we have launched. I was ask when
Zoe: you started it. Eight months ago.
Chantel: Eight
Zoe: months ago. Wow.
Heather: Yeah. Wow. So, um, so good. Has anything really surprised you so far in the first eight months? That's a good question. Um, are people very receptive
Chantel: to Very receptive. Yeah. That's good. We've been good in that [00:09:00] sense. I think it's just a lot of behind the scenes stuff that people don't see that takes up so much time and I don't have the space or energy for it.
Yeah. Yeah. That's the kind of stuff where I'm like, why, why am I here again? You know? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Are you working alone? Like are, is it just you? I'm working alone now, yeah. Okay. You had a partner? I had a partner mm-hmm. Who founded this company with me. Okay. Mm-hmm. She has stepped aside. Okay. So she's no longer part of operations.
She's focusing on her herself and her family and yeah. Okay.
Heather: So the transition to you alone.
Chantel: Yes. How has that been? Yeah, it's been a lot. Yeah. Yeah, it's been a lot. I think, uh, initially she was more backend. Mm-hmm. And I was more of building the brand, um, and sort of face of the brand. Yeah. But now both of those worlds have collided and I'm like, who?
Yeah. Bring it on,
Heather: but handling it. Yeah. Yeah. And also couldn't fucking handle it if you were drunk. Yeah. Oh yeah. There's no way. No, anytime we do like anything small, I'm like, oh, we could [00:10:00] never do this before. Never. It's amazing. Not that that's small, that's massive. Yeah. But it's, yeah, it's pretty incredible.
That's a big jump. You're going in with somebody, you're like, okay, you handle this. I'll handle this. And like, yeah. Oh, just kidding. I'll do it all myself. I'll do it all. Yeah. Do you think you ultimately like that
Chantel: better? Um, again, tough question. I feel like, I mean, I can do it. Mm-hmm. You know? Yeah. And I can, and because I'm sober.
Mm-hmm. Yeah. Um, but ultimately, no, this is not long term. This is very like short term, get it all done. Yeah. And then find someone who can sort of take on that role. Totally. Right. Yeah. So
Heather: good though. Like as frustrating. I'm sure you cry, I cry all the time, but actually I haven't cried in a while. Maybe I should.
Maybe you need to cry. Yeah. Yeah. Um, I feel like you've probably learned so much though, right? In the, in the places that you didn't think you were gonna learn. Yeah. So it's nice. So then when someone comes in, you can be like, oh, this is how this works. Or like, I have the knowledge of it, even if maybe I didn't want to.
Right, right. Exactly. There was something I was gonna say. It [00:11:00] fell outta my head. Please hold. Mm-hmm. This is actually what it is. What we. Forgot to do again, um, because we get too excited is what we do. Start off this podcast with is a mental health check-in. Okay. So we should do that. Make sure we're all, yeah.
Okay.
Zoe: Oopsie.
Heather: Zoe, do you wanna start? How's your menthol?
Zoe: I'm feeling a little bit like, eh, 'cause this weather, to be honest, I keep looking outside and I'm like, eh, don't look outside. I know, I
Heather: know. It's a bummer.
Zoe: Um, I'm feeling like, okay, I don't know. I think it is the weather that's making me a little bit blah.
Mm-hmm. But I'm excited for the day. We have lots to do today. Big day. Um, yeah, we need like, I need to look into some light, you know, I need to go to your Yeah. The
Heather: sad lamp. Your
Zoe: sad
Heather: lamp.
Zoe: Maybe I'm gonna get that for you for Christmas or for your
Heather: birthday. It's coming up.
Zoe: Um, yeah, I'm feeling like a little bit, eh?
Probably because I had some personal shit happen yesterday, which is good. Yes. Um, [00:12:00] but. My mental is like good, like I'm like riding at like a six right now, to be honest. You look? Yeah. Okay. That's very good. Yeah. How are you?
Heather: I'm okay. I'm anxious all the time. I'm always anxious. Yeah. But I came off of a very anxious week.
When I have sex, I throw up and like, okay, this is a thing. This is like a through line of the pot, so I'm always talking about it, but for like over a year now when I have sex with somebody, I get really fucking nauseous and I have thrown up multiple times. Holy shit. I know. It's so. Deep trauma in my body Yeah.
That I'm like trying to work on. And the more I work on it in therapy, it's like right at the forefront. So I'm having sex and I'm like seeing these like flashes in my head. I'm like, oh my God. But yesterday, not that my mental health is like based on the kind of sex I'm having, but yesterday I had sex with this person and it was so good and I was like, okay.
It's like trusting the process. Mm-hmm. Which I feel like is my life theme. Just to like move with the universe. Trust it. Don't push.
Zoe: Yeah. It's fine.
Heather: Well you were [00:13:00] really upset about that yesterday when I
Zoe: left you, or on Wednesday when I left you. Because I do this thing where I'm like, you overthink everything too much.
Sometimes I think.
Heather: Yeah. But I'm also like, um, I'm just like everybody else and you like me and you like my personality. You like hanging out with me, but if you can't have sex with me. Why would you stick around? And I feel that very deeply. Mm-hmm. And I, I, I, I, I hear it. I know. Mm-hmm. People are like, no, but if someone really likes you, they'll stick around.
They'll wait, they'll be patient. But that means nothing to me when I am not like, confident in myself that like, I bring enough to the table for you to just like me without sex, which is so stupid, but it is how I feel, especially in the moment. I'm like, oh, well this is a fucking wash.
Zoe: Mm-hmm.
Heather: But I have to just, it's just, it's so new for me still that I'm like just trying to be like, chill about it.
Obviously trusting, obviously I get super depressed sometimes and I'm like, I'm gonna be alone forever, but. But yeah, I think I really need to trust myself a little more. Mm-hmm. And just [00:14:00] kind of go with the flow and see what I can do. That's good. You, you didn't throw up yesterday. I didn't throw up yesterday.
That's amazing. I know. Wow. Thank you. How was your mental? Oh, I'm at like a, I, I'm like a six. I feel like a six. Oh, I feel good. That's good.
Zoe: Nice. How's your mental?
Chantel: Mine is pretty good. I would say I'm about like six, seven. Mm-hmm. Um. The rain obviously adding a layer for sure. Yeah.
Zoe: I don't know why it's bringing me down so much today.
Yeah. I
Heather: don't get as affected. I don't get as affected. I think it's because
Zoe: like I tt seed here and then I got like stuck in the rain different, and I thought I was gonna miss it, and then I was like really annoyed at it.
Chantel: It's the anxiety of everything. Yeah. Um, yeah. Travel always kind of burns me out a little bit.
Mm-hmm. But I had a nice, uh, chill day at, at my hotel yesterday. Yeah. Ordered room service. That sounds amazing. Um, you get triggered in hotel rooms or did you At first? I did at first. At first maybe. Mm-hmm. Now it's just like a nice little escape. Yeah. Which, which is good. Mm-hmm. Uh, what else was I gonna say?
I did so much fucked up shit in [00:15:00] hotels. Oh my god. So
Zoe: much fucked up shit. God. Yeah. Me too. Yeah. A
Chantel: lot of drugs. A lot of
Zoe: alcohol. Yeah. Lot of sex. Lot of sex. Lot of sex. Yeah. I mean, hotel sex is the best. It, it, like, it is. It's always better in a hotel. It really is. Mm-hmm. Ugh. Okay. Okay. Back
Heather: on it.
Zoe: Back on It.
Heather: Burnt you out a little bit. Traveling.
Chantel: Yeah. But overall I feel pretty good. Pretty good. Okay. Lately I feel. I've been having some issues sleeping. Okay. I don't know if this was ever an issue for, let's guys get into it guys. Prior to getting sober, but for me since I was a kid, like I just wouldn't sleep.
Okay. Okay. We not sleep. Do you? We're both good sleepers. Yeah, we're
Heather: really fucking good. Sleep. Sleepers. Sleepers. And now
Chantel: I am. Now I am. Okay. Yeah. When I was in rehab they put me on some pretty heavy Trazodone. Sleeping. Yeah. Trazodone amongst many others. And uh, when I got out of rehab, I continued with the sleeping pills 'cause they were working so well.
Yeah. And I ended up trying something called Daygo
Zoe: Never heard. Mm-hmm.
Chantel: No. Which is a pretty. Heavy sleeping [00:16:00] pill. Okay. So I was allowed to be on it for like a year. Mm. And then my doctor was like, no more. Wow. Okay. Okay. Yeah. So are you weaning off of
Heather: that? Yeah.
Chantel: So what's that
Heather: withdrawal like?
Chantel: That it was not so bad.
Okay. I, I got adjusted to it pretty fast and then my sleeping was like amazing. Okay. Sleeping for the first time in my life, truly. Mm-hmm. Which felt incredible. So Nice. But there is times here and there where, and I don't know if it's like TikTok or just scrolling, but it'll keep me up. And I'm like, why Chantel?
Why? Mm-hmm. Why are we not just putting this down and going to bed, but there's something deeper? Yeah. And I've talked to my therapist mm-hmm. Pissed about this too, for me being awake at night when the rest of the world is asleep. Oh, interesting. Was like it. Yeah, it was like a very like peaceful,
Zoe: like when you were partying till like three, 4:00 AM like you liked being awake when everyone else was asleep.
Exactly. Mm. Kind of
Heather: like an outof body experience. Yeah. You like can look at like this dark street and be like, whoa, I'm on this street. Like this is else in the world around nobody, nobody else
Chantel: is up. I can like have all these thoughts and do all these things. Yeah. And no one else to gets to [00:17:00] experience. I don't know.
It was very, it was weird. Were you usually like a night owl or were you like a morning person? Night owl. Night owl. Yeah. Yeah. Same. So yeah, last night
Heather: it took me a while to get to sleep, but yeah. Are you thinking like, are you going through shit in your head? Like is it an anxious thing Sometimes and then sometimes I'm just
Chantel: scrolling up watching shows it.
Yeah. I think it has a lot to do with sort of my mental state at the time. Yeah. Um. Yeah.
Zoe: I remember when I got outta rehab, I was like, I am not gonna ever scroll on my phone in bed. I'm gonna have an alarm clock. I'm not gonna, like, I'm gonna put my phone in the living room so I don't go on it. Mm-hmm. I got an alarm clock.
I don't use it at all. I always, these thoughts have my phone right beside me. These thoughts that we have, I'm gonna be perfect. Everything's
Heather: gonna be good. Oh my God. Yeah. That, yeah. I'm like, we can't take away everything from us. Yeah. That we've talked about this, where we're like downstairs watching YouTube, put the YouTube, the same video on our phone.
Turn that off. Come upstairs, do your skincare. Go into the bedroom. Turn that one on. Turn this one off. Yeah. It's like, I'm never alone. Oh, yeah. I, [00:18:00] I like
Zoe: to have something like I'm listening to something all the time. Yeah. Yeah. I
Heather: don't know what that is. I'm like, am I afraid to be in my, with my own thoughts or am I just boring or am I just, I don't know.
I just like it. I recently listened
Chantel: to something talking about this. I think it was Alex Cooper actually. Okay. Mm-hmm. She did this little series or whatever. She's talking about this. Exactly. Mm-hmm. And the fact that we're always over consuming things. Mm-hmm. And that. We're trying to escape from something.
Yeah. Yeah. You know what I mean? And if you just like put the phone down, like even she was saying, even when we're cleaning mm-hmm. We're doing like a 30 minute clean. We're listening to a podcast. Yeah. Or we're doing something always, but there's no time for us just to be like alone with our thoughts because people are scared of that.
Zoe: Mm-hmm. Yeah. I mean, I'm alone on my thoughts when I'm going to sleep. Like I don't listen to something when I'm going to sleep.
Heather: Oh, I do. I fall asleep to Trixie and Katya every night. You do? What is that? Drag? Drag Queens, Trixie and Ka. Oh my gosh. I watch their like podcast and I just, that's so funny. It's so nice.
But I like, I'm like, it's sober [00:19:00] 'cause Katya's sober, so it's like good for my brain. Yeah, it's fine. That's how we just justify it. Relate. Um, okay. So what number would you give your mental. Yeah. I still think it's at like a six or a seven. Okay. Crushing it. Um, pretty good. I think we'll sleep better tonight, so.
Yeah. Mm-hmm. Yeah, we're good. Yeah. Sleeping. I'm so grateful to sleep. I, uh, but I wake up every day at like 5:30 AM so I, because, well, I talk about this a lot that like when I got outta rehab, my cravings were so bad at like 4:00 PM and I was like, okay, if I can make it till five, I can start my skincare routine, which is like shower, wash my hair, do all of my skin, and then be in bed by seven and then I can just watch a movie, go to sleep, and then that just kind of stuck.
Mm-hmm. And I'm like, well now I'm awake when everyone's asleep and I have all the best thoughts. Yeah. Which is my favorite. Mm-hmm. So it's a flip. You get it too then? Yeah. Oh, I really get is in the opposite way. She sleeps up the opposite way. Yeah. Well I've always felt like I was like the most important person in the world and like those moments are super affirming 'cause I'm like, you fucking bitches are asleep.
Yeah. I'm crushing at, I'm the only one here. Um. We, did you see this article about [00:20:00] Jelly Roll? I did. Yeah. Okay. It was open news. So Jelly Roll opened a rehab, or he's opening a rehab on like however many acres and it's gonna be free, right? Mm-hmm.
Zoe: Okay. Does that make you nervous at all? Does that make you nervous? Does it
Chantel: make us nervous? I think Uhhuh it does. Okay. Yeah. I feel like with rehabs, there's such a system. First of all. First of all, let's talk about, it's a free rehab. Mm-hmm. How are we getting people right? How are people knowing about this?
How are people getting picked to be here? Yeah. Do you know what I mean? Like that'ss a little. Yeah. Who's choosing the
Zoe: people who are allowed to go to the, who's
Chantel: choosing? Yeah. Yeah. And I don't, yeah, I agree with you guys. Yeah. I think it's a lit, it feels a little sketchy.
Heather: Yeah. I, yeah. I'm like, okay, how do I start with like the empathy first?
Empathy towards men, especially male addicts. Especially male addicts who are trying to help young, vulnerable people. Mm-hmm. Stress me the fuck out. Mm-hmm. And I think it's a good intention. Mm-hmm. Like [00:21:00] just on the surface, I'm like, okay, I get it. Yeah. You're sober, you have addiction issues, you wanna help.
And yeah, of course throwing your money into addiction services is great. Mm-hmm. But. This is people's lives. This isn't just a foundation like this is, people are gonna be coming in and out. The more high status. It is the scarier, I feel like it is. Mm-hmm. A little bit.
Zoe: But
Heather: yeah, I,
Zoe: I think there're like, we need to know more.
Like Yeah. Tell me more Jelly roll because it more just gonna be
Heather: celebrities and influencers. Yeah. Or is it gonna be people who are coming off a fucking Fentanyl addiction Yeah. And are like vomiting all over the place. I don't know. Mm-hmm. Also, I have an issue, I don't know if you ran into this at all.
Um, I think it's great when men help other people get sober. I think that's great. But I think that they, a lot of them should stick to helping men and women should stick to helping women. And that is super binary, of course. But like, well it's
Zoe: like in the meetings, [00:22:00] like I. Women sponsor women. Yeah. Men are supposed to sponsor men.
Yeah. There obviously sometimes is overlap and I don't love that. Mm-hmm. Um, but in the same way of like when you go to rehab, you're like one day sober. Yeah. Like you need to have support in like a healthy way. And a lot of the people who are working at these rehabs a lot of the time are addicts, recovering addicts.
Mm-hmm. Yeah. So that's like another scary thing. It's a lot of pressure. Yeah. It's a lot. And like the stories that Heather's told me about her rehab just have made me question everything more, I
Heather: guess. Yeah. And I think like we have an interesting thing 'cause Zoe goes to a, are you in aa? I have gone to meetings.
Mm-hmm. Yeah. I'm
Chantel: not, yeah. That's not, it's something that never really stuck with me. Yeah. Yeah. I feel like the rehab I went to gave us many options. Yeah. Obviously AA being one of them. Mm-hmm. We went to a ton of meetings and I'll still go from. Here or there, but it's not something I'm not doing. The 12 steps.
Yeah. I think
Zoe: teach their own. Right. [00:23:00] Yeah. Yeah. Do you have a lot of like people in like that you're friends with in sobriety still? Like from rehab or from like even meetings or anything like that?
Chantel: Yes. Meetings or from rehab. Yeah. Um, unfortunately, I know a lot of people have passed away. Mm-hmm. From that rehab.
From that rehab. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Addiction is very scary. Yeah. Yeah.
Zoe: That's good that at least like you have some people like to reach out to when you are like feeling vulnerable or whatever. Like, I therapist. Therapist too. Therapist. Yeah. It's, yeah. Yeah.
Heather: I recently asked my therapist if like, there's an apocalypse, can we just like drop this shit and be friends?
And she said, yeah. Oh, that's big for you. It's huge for me because I just want her to be my friend. I love that. Um, my rehab, yeah, there was a lot of issues with like. Male counselors being former addicts, feeling superior, feeling superior, feeling like Gods, and listen, my, my counselor got me sober and I'm so grateful for him.
Mind you, he's not a good [00:24:00] guy. Right. He's just not, and like we talk about this, getting sober doesn't just doesn't mean you're gonna be a good person. Mm-hmm. But when I go to rehab, I'm a baby. Mm-hmm. I don't know anything. And I need your help. I need you to save my life and you saving my life. I'm already probably gonna fall in love with you because you're saving my life.
Yeah. But then now, if you're gonna lean into that and tell me to come live at your house. Yeah. After rehab, then we got a big fat problem. A hundred percent. Yeah. So I just get very nervous with this stuff. Also, rehab is so expensive and I don't know how much money Jelly Roll has, but I'm like, this is gonna be Yeah.
An insane expense, sir. Yeah. This is not gonna be free forever. No. Yeah. They have to pay everyone's salary. This is gonna last for like a year. If that,
Zoe: that, yeah. I don't understand how that all works. Yeah. And then like the other, when we looked up celebrities who like opened um, free rehabs, Russell Brand was in the next guy that comes up.
Okay. I guess he opened up a free rehab. I don't think it lasted long, but like, it's the same sort of [00:25:00] thing. Like,
Heather: I get it. Do you have this? Like, we got sober and we're like, oh my God, we're better than everybody. Like we just, oh yeah. You are just, you've, you've evolved. Mm-hmm. You've been through so much bullshit.
And I think when the women get that, we're like, cool, let's start a business. And the men get that and they're like, gimme the power. Who tell? Yeah. Like, everyone needs to know how I did it. I'm perfect. I'm a God. And it's like, let's reign that in a little bit.
Zoe: Mm-hmm. But
Heather: I don't know, the jelly roll thing makes me a little nervous.
I think it would just be better if he put all his money into like whatever, aftercare. Yeah. Any other rehab funding. Something
Chantel: that already exists and extending it out. The biggest thing with. Th with people getting healthier, sober is access, right? Mm-hmm. A lot of people don't have access to these facilities.
Yeah. Which without the access, you're not getting the care. Yeah. Um, and so that's the biggest issue. So yeah. If, if all of these celebrities want to pull some money mm-hmm. Into funding something that already exists. Yeah. I think that's probably the better bet. Yeah, I think so too. I think so too.
Heather: Yeah. It's so obvious, like what's accessible [00:26:00] and what's not.
When I got outta rehab and I'm like, I mean, this is the city, this is Toronto and it's rough out here. Mm-hmm. And I'm like, damn. Yeah. Like my privilege has allowed me to even consider getting sober, even consider healing. And I'm like, yeah, there's so much else that can be done for people if they're just given an opportunity or like a potential future.
Mm-hmm. You know, like my dad is the reason I like, am sitting here today. If I didn't have him, I wouldn't have been able to go, you know. So it's very, it's very stark and obvious. What is your relationship to substances now? Yeah, so
Chantel: my relationships to substances is very rooted in choice. Mm-hmm. I am sober, I don't use mm-hmm.
And I don't miss it. Okay. So yeah, that's where, that's where I'm at today and I'm, I'm super proud of that. Good. Yeah. And you've been sober for almost three years? Almost three. Almost three years. Okay. Me too. Yeah. What's your, do you know your sober day? December 22nd.
Heather: Okay. Coming up. Yeah. On Christmas. A Christmas.
Were you in rehab during [00:27:00] Christmas? I, I
Chantel: sure was. Okay. I sure was. I was in rehab for almost four months, four months. Wow. Almost four months. And I'll give you a little story, a little synopsis, if you will. Yes, please. So I went down, I think it was end of November, or sorry, end of October, beginning of November.
And I was in Malibu. I stayed into the rehab for about 30 days. Mm-hmm. And when I went down there, I was like, I'm staying here for 30 days. That's it. Mm-hmm. I don't need anymore. Like, we're good. Um, I know exactly what's gonna happen. Exactly. I've never been here before. Yeah. I'm so smart. Mm-hmm. And so, and they convinced me somehow, you know what?
Let's put you into sober living, sort of the next step in Miami. In In Malibu. Sorry? In Malibu. Yeah. So I was like, okay, yeah, things are feeling good. Let's do it. Can you actually explain to me what sober living is? So, yeah, so the rehab I was at, you've got your like rehab. Rehab, we can't leave. Mm-hmm. They do all things and then when they move you into sober living, it's essentially a part of the same house or system.
Okay. But they're [00:28:00] moving you into a space that's a lot more flexible. You can leave, you can go out, you can do what you wanna do, but you have to be on your program schedule.
Heather: Okay. And
Chantel: there for like six hours a day or, and
Heather: are you going to therapy? Like counseling? Yeah. Okay. Yeah. So you have to check in somewhere?
You do. And no, you can't use anything. You cannot, they'll do like randomized random drug tests. Random. And will they kick you
Chantel: out? Oh yeah. Okay. Oh yeah. Okay. But you get a lot more freedom, so it's kind of like acclimating you to the world again. Right, right. That's a great idea actually. Very, yeah, very. Um, I think so, but on my first free weekend I decided to go down and see a friend in, where was it?
Somewhere in la.
Zoe: Okay.
Chantel: Um, oh, you could leave. Leave. Mm-hmm. You could leave. Leave. Okay. If you got signed off by your therapist counselor, you didn't have to wear a little ankle monitor. No. Was when you get outta up? Yeah. Um, so my first weekend away, Palm Springs, that's where I was, drove down to Palm Springs and I was with somebody who I had met pre-hab.
Okay. I think I had met him on like dry or something [00:29:00] like that. A gentleman? Yeah. Mmm. And, uh, he had a place down there, so met up with him. He was drinking, and I just remember being at a restaurant, I was like, let me just smell that. Lemme just, and he was like, no, don't do it. I'm like, no, no. Just like, maybe I'll just take a sip.
And yeah. That was it. Like, really? Three or four days straight. Did you take a sip?
Zoe: Yeah. Oh yeah. You did? Okay. Oh yeah. Did he
Chantel: try to
Zoe: stop
Chantel: you in any way? He
Zoe: did, but it,
Heather: you know,
Zoe: like, yeah. He wasn't gonna, he said, don't do that. Right. Yeah. Mm-hmm.
Heather: Don't, you're a gorgeous hot girl in front of me. Vulnerable.
Yeah. Don't have a drink. If do, I'll make sure you get home. You know, he had
Chantel: some issues of his own too and was Of course, who think we're picking
Heather: Exactly.
Chantel: Exactly. So where, who
Heather: we think we're picking. Yeah,
Chantel: yeah, yeah. Yeah. So, yeah. And then I, I called my therapist Ian, who's amazing shout you. Shout Love Ian.
Shout Ian. Um, and he was, I was like, just honest with him. I said, yeah, this is what happened. Mm-hmm. He's like, get your ass back here. We're putting you back into the rehab. This is right before Christmas. Okay. And we're gonna do this whole [00:30:00] thing over again. Okay. And mind you, like the first 30 days, that first round, I was a cocky piece of shit.
I was in these rooms. People would go around and they would be like, you know, so how long have you been in rehab? Or whatever. And people would say, yeah, this is like my third stance, or my fifth. Mm-hmm. And I was like, yeah,
Zoe: yeah.
Chantel: It idiot. It my first, in my last, yeah. Just like this cocky arrogance to me.
Mm-hmm. And I wasn't fully breaking down those walls or talking about the things that I needed to. So my therapist was like, you're coming back. We're actually gonna talk about things. We're gonna get to the bottom of this because if we don't, this is gonna keep happening. Right? Yeah. Mm-hmm. So that's what we did.
Wow. That's what we did. And it stuck. And it stuck and yeah, I was in rehab through Christmas and New Year's. Yeah. And that was
Zoe: an experience. So why Malibu? Like, yeah. Was it a rehab that people told
Chantel: you that was good? Or why
Zoe: did
Chantel: you choose that one? So when I finally admitted to myself like, I need help, I need to go to rehab, I actually called my, the first person I called was my ex, [00:31:00] who is my daughter's dad.
Okay. Um, and I just called him, I think it was in tears, and I was like, I think I need to go. And he was like, gimme 10 minutes. Mm-hmm. Okay. Right back. Okay. And so he had, he used to play in the NHL. Okay. So he has a billion resources. When comes, my God, it, God, I have too many
Heather: questions. Continue this. Yes.
Chantel: A billion resources.
Like, are you okay? Yeah. So he had called me back 10 minutes later and was like, someone's gonna call you, answer the phone. We're gonna figure this out. So I got a call and they were like, we know we're, we're gonna send you, like, can you get down here today? And I was like, today, like, wow, I need like at least another week of, you know, getting this outta my system addicts.
That's totally results, right? They made you go that day? It wasn't that day, but it was like a few days after. Okay. That's good though. It was,
Heather: it was fast because once you need it, you, you need it, you need to go right away, right? Oh yeah. Mm-hmm. Yeah. I think I called rehab and then I was there like the next week I just had to fly to Florida to drop my dog with my parents.
Yeah. And then come back. [00:32:00] But it was fast, thank God. I called rehab
Zoe: and I was like, I'm coming right now. And then I knocked on the door. Insanely hammered, and they wouldn't let me in. Threw her phone,
Heather: threw her phone out the Uber window and was like, I'm going to rehab. And they were like, no. Oh my gosh. Yeah,
Zoe: it's my favorite.
And then I ended up at the hospital that night, and then the next day I went there properly.
Chantel: Properly. Yeah.
Heather: They let me in. Were you, um, were you, when you were like, okay, I, I need to quit drinking, were you like, yeah, I definitely need to go to rehab. Like, did you know that that was the next step? I'm trying to think.
Zoe: Did you try other things to be sober before going to rehab? Many,
Chantel: many times. Um, I started drinking probably when I was like 13, 14? Mm-hmm. Right. Okay. Um, and I vividly remember having that first sip of vodka, whatever it was, and then 10 minutes later that feeling hit me. I was a very shy kid. Mm-hmm. So for something like alcohol to be running through my veins, I was like.
Mm. [00:33:00] Perfect. This feels good. Mm. Like it felt in the moment, like, this is too good to be true. Yeah. Kind of feeling. And it was, and I knew it from a very young age. Exactly. Mm-hmm. So I think, you know, the addiction has run deep and from an early age Yeah. There's many times that I tried to control it. Mm-hmm.
Um, when I first met my daughter's dad back when I was like, 19, 20. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Um, I had stopped drinking for like, a period of like three, four months. Okay. To try. Why? Because you were like, I know this is a problem.
Zoe: And like he, I think it just got outta hand. Yeah. And I was like,
Chantel: I wanna just be sober and feel good and just see what that feels like.
Mm-hmm. What is out of hand for you at that time? Just partying and, okay. Partying, going out. Go. Yeah. I was working in like the nightlife industry at the time, as we all do, I'm sure when we're younger. Mm-hmm. Um, and yeah. So it was just going out after every sort of work shift Yeah. And getting drunk and waking up and doing it all over again.
Mm-hmm. Fun cycle and all your friends being a part of it. Right. It's fun, but it [00:34:00] gets to a point where I was just like, okay, let's try and like rein it in. Yeah. And even at like 1920 that was
Heather: saying something, right? Oh, having the thought of like, I need to rein something in the awareness. No one is having that thought.
Yeah. Yeah. Like, something's going on, you know? Yeah, a
Chantel: hundred percent. So, yeah, and this was prior to me meeting him, so I remember meeting him. And he was like, but you don't, you don't drink. And I was like, just not right now. You know? Um, and like I said, he played for the NHL, so there's a lot of partying happening.
Right. At least back then.
Zoe: Mm-hmm.
Chantel: It was very much a part of the culture. So I think, were you hanging around with a lot of the hockey girlfriends? Like was that Yeah, it took a couple months, but then I got introduced and that's. Very quickly when it was like, okay, I need, I need to be drinking to sort of Yeah.
Need something into this. I'm assuming, are
Heather: you still like a shy kid at that time? Like, are you feeling like you need to fit in? 'cause that's kind of scary to go into. Yeah, I know that world and it is specific, you know. Yeah. I was definitely,
Chantel: I mean, I'm [00:35:00] still shy to this day. Mm-hmm. Right. Um, and I think for me, alcohol was one of those things where I was just like, I don't have to feel that way anymore.
Right. I can open up and be who I, I'm funny when I drink. Mm-hmm. You know, people like me when I drink mm-hmm. I like me when I drink. Yeah. Yeah. To an extent, right? Yeah. Yeah. Well in the beginning. In the beginning, yeah. Um, yeah, so very quickly I was like, okay, I'm back on, back on the wagon. Okay. And, um. Yeah.
Zoe: And did everyone like you more when you were drinking? Like when you started again with drinking with all those guys? You know, you
Chantel: have to, you'd have to ask. Mm-hmm. Yeah, I would think so. Yeah. I don't know. I feel
Heather: like I was a lot more fun. Yeah. Yeah. Right. You think most people, well, actually, I don't know, maybe this is an addict thing, but like I don't actually care if I like you more when you're drinking.
Mm-hmm. I just care that you're drinking with me, honey. So yeah. It's not even a thought in my head. I'm mostly thinking about myself, but I'm like, I don't know if Zoe's down, then we're down. Mm-hmm. So like it's not even, do I like you more when you stop drinking, I'm gonna be like, ah, fuck you. But like
Chantel: mm-hmm.
Heather: I just wanna
Chantel: drinking buddy. [00:36:00] Yeah. Yeah. You're looking, that's true for friends that will drink with you, right? Yeah. You don't like the people that don't drink?
Zoe: No. No.
Heather: I never
Zoe: liked the people who don't drink. Right. When I was drinking,
Heather: oh my God, I used to say it all the time. I was like, I don't trust anyone who doesn't drink.
That's so creepy and weird. I used to think the same thing. Mm-hmm. Yeah. I would be like, you know what? There's something very wrong with them. You have people to release at the end of the day. Yeah. I'll do little. Yeah. Do they know that a three hour skincare routine is actually the same?
Zoe: Mm.
Heather: Kind of. It fills the void.
It fills the void, yeah. Um, 13, 14. You have your first drink. Yeah. Is that a sneaky thing? Are your parents drinking? Is it your friends? What is the vibe?
Chantel: My parents didn't drink much in the house that I grew up in. Right. So it was kind of like a very like taboo thing. Okay. I had, I had to hide it from my parents.
Mm-hmm. Um, but where I grew up it was just like, let's all meet up at the park. Right. And go drink. Right, right. That's what kids do. And it was fun. And we would drink to excess and then you'd somehow sneak back home and into your bed and [00:37:00] get away away from that. Yeah. Were you getting away with it or were you getting in
Zoe: trouble?
Chantel: I would get away with it probably 75% of the time. Yeah. Get caught. The other, my mom. And were they hated about it or? Uh, yeah. My mom was strict growing up. Yeah. Yeah. She was strict. Are you Catholic? No, I'm not. Okay. Okay. No. Didn't grow up religious at all, so, okay.
Heather: Yeah,
Chantel: because
Heather: that's my through line.
There's like some strict shit that was happening in my house that like, makes no sense.
Chantel: Yeah.
Heather: And then. And then I'm like, oh, it's like a religious thing. It's like a, a facade thing. Yeah. But I just wondered that. But um, when you start drinking, are you, when do you think like, oh, I'm drinking more than my friends?
Or is that happening? I think at the time I,
Chantel: I didn't see it that way. Okay. I think everybody was just sort of mm-hmm. Doing the same thing. Yeah. So you're fitting in. Fitting in. I definitely knew early on, like I said, like, oh, this is, you know, too good to be true and [00:38:00] could definitely be an issue moving forward.
Like internally I knew that. Mm-hmm. Do you know what I mean?
Zoe: Totally.
Chantel: Um, but no, at the time I think everyone was doing the same thing. Yeah. I'm 35 and I feel like. That sort of day and age people were just, we were just drinking to excess. Yeah. Oh my God. Yeah. And not
Heather: caring about anything. No, no. There was no conversation.
It was mostly, we had this conversation last week about being a cool girl and like growing up in the nineties and having to be cool. And I feel like that is part of it. It's like, drink with the boys be cool. Like something's probably gonna happen to you tonight when you're passed out, but like that's fine.
Be cool. Yeah. You know? Oh yeah. Let's talk more about your rehab. Let's talk more about your rehab. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. So you were there for four months. Mm-hmm. Did you become the queen of rehab? Uh, the queen of rehab. I mean, because we did, um, oh, I did.
Zoe: You did? Yeah. I don't know if I was the queen of rehab.
I think I was like one of the tops, but
Heather: Okay. It was very important to me to be the best.
Zoe: There wasn't a lot of people at yours. No, there was like 12. Yeah. I feel like every week there was new people coming in. [00:39:00] Okay. Was there people that were there for longer than four months? Like what's the typical time?
Chantel: Um. Yeah, maybe a few. Yeah. But the typical time is usually like that 30 to 60 or 60 to 90 day mark. Yeah. Mm-hmm. Um, I think my therapist was telling me something about like. Changing a habit. Yeah. Yeah. So is Ian still your therapist now? No, not anymore. Okay. No. Just because he is in the US Yeah. And I'm in Canada and there's all these restrictions and rules.
Mm-hmm. But I do check in with him every once in a while and that's cool. That's nice. He's great. He's also gay, so I wasn't worried about him. Love that. That's fine. Oh yeah. Whenever we're talking about
Heather: the men, obviously we can't be like, all gay men are great, but it's much safer. Yeah.
Chantel: He was very safe and he was very real and honest.
Mm-hmm. I just remember sitting down with him a few times before I went back. Yeah. Mm-hmm. And he would be like, why are you just sitting there with a fucking shit eating smile on your face. Yeah. Like. You need to open up. Mm-hmm. And I was just like, mm-hmm. No. Yeah. Yeah. It, it took me the second time being back to be like, okay, I really wanna change now, you [00:40:00] know?
Yeah,
Heather: yeah, yeah. Okay. So you're kind of like tough to crack? Yes. Mm-hmm. Interesting. Yes. But that makes sense 'cause you're like, if I want something, I'm determined I'm gonna do it. Like, you can't tell me what I'm gonna do. I think that's interesting. 'cause there were definitely some people that I met in rehab who were like super resistant and they're just like, I know best.
I went in there and I'm like, I don't know anything and my leg is falling apart. Yeah. Which is better, I think. Yeah. Because I think So you like immediately submit to it. Yeah. Um, so you get off the plane in Malibu and it's some who picks you up?
Chantel: Yeah. So I landed, uh, in LAX at LAX and, um, you okay? Yeah. Good.
It's the, it's.
Um, and then they have staff who come and pick you up.
Heather: Mm.
Chantel: Okay. And I actually remember like texting this person being like, they, they were a bit late to pick me up, so I was like, great addict can go get another drink at the bar. Perfect. Um, but yeah, so I remember rolling in very drunk. Okay. I drank a lot on the plane, a lot at the bar.
Mm-hmm. A lot while I was waiting for [00:41:00] this person. And then you show up and you're like, okay. And then you kind of go into those like three days of just detoxing and sleeping. Yeah. And they put you on whatever they put you on. How was your detox? It wasn't bad. Okay. I slept a lot. Yeah. I felt okay. I wasn't Did you have weird dreams?
Probably, yeah.
Zoe: I had lots of weird dreams, but like killing people. Killing her mom, like killing my mom. Yeah. Wow. Yeah, it was like demon dreams for sure. Like the first week I think of rehab, I was having really fucked up dreams and then it kind of mellowed out, but Wow. Yeah, it was insane.
Chantel: Yeah. So for the most part, I was in a room by myself, but sometimes you would get a roommate.
Mm-hmm. And so I obviously being there for so long, I'd go through quite a few roommates. Yeah. And you'd see everything, right? Yeah. People would come in a lot of fentanyl down in the US mm-hmm. Right. People would come in detoxing from fentanyl and that was scary. Yeah. It was really, really scary. Mm-hmm.
But no, there was definitely some, some really good people that I met down there. The cool thing with the rehab that I went to [00:42:00] was, it's not just like your average sort of person. There was like doctors, athletes, lawyers, and so because you're around these types of people, there's a sense of. Okay. Like alcohol really doesn't discriminate.
We all know this. Mm-hmm. But to be around like sort of that quality of people, you're like, okay. Like it's really like, I'm not alone about who you surround yourself with, even in a rehab. Right.
Zoe: So, and it was a men and women at this rehab? It was, yeah. Did you meet any rehab boyfriends? I actually didn't.
Okay. I didn't, I stayed far Good for you. Away from the boys in
Chantel: rehab. Why?
Heather: Yeah.
Chantel: Um, because
Heather: to me
Chantel: it didn't feel like an option. Yeah. No, I, I think I saw a lot of what was going on right behind closed doors and people were very obvious about, about it. But, um, I don't think I was attracted to any of the guys there.
Okay. For starters, there was one, I was like, oh, he's kind of cute. Yeah. But no, it was the, the not being attracted. Yeah. And then [00:43:00] just really focusing on my, myself.
Zoe: Yeah. When you went back, you were like, so focused on yourself, you didn't have any other time to like. Play around with any boys. Exactly. Yeah. I get that.
That's good. That is really good. It is really good.
Heather: I recommend like female only rehabs. Yeah. If were have to go back, I'm, yeah. If I have to go back, holy shit. Female only, which was
Chantel: nice about ours was they kind of kept the girls in one home and then the guys were, that's what was on the same property, but in a different, and then we'd
Zoe: come together, like sometimes yeah, I'd go over there and like
Chantel: hang out with them, but nobody in particular really tickled my fancy.
Mm-hmm.
Heather: It's interesting 'cause I feel like I, I'm like, I assume all addicts are the same and I'm like, trauma bonding. Yeah. I'll trauma bond with literally anyone. Like, I'll trauma bond with someone's dad and fall in love with them. Like, it's just what I do. And I think that has a lot to do with my addiction.
Like I'm just, it's a lot of, um, what do you call it? Uh, like, uh. Affirming validation. Yeah. Validating like a lot of validation and I need that. Mm-hmm. And I [00:44:00] think that like, I would see anyone with rose colored glasses on and be like, do you like me? 'cause great. I'll love you. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Forever, you know?
Yeah.
Zoe: Did you make a lot of, like female friendships then in rehab? Like were you more like grasping onto that? Or was it just like you were like just focusing on yourself? I
Chantel: definitely did, but I, I was truly focusing on myself. Yeah. Um, that's great. Which
Zoe: was, which was really good. Mm-hmm. Yeah. And then your therapist that you have now, is that someone that you like, were recommended through this
Chantel: rehab
Zoe: or, I actually
Chantel: have a few.
Okay. Different therapists. Okay. What therapy are you Some, some of which I've known. Since I was like 22.
Heather: Mm-hmm.
Chantel: Um, some are newer. I have two therapists right now. Okay. At one point I had three. Wow.
Heather: Oh my God. Because I like to mix it up. I mean, you have a lot of therapists too. There was a point where I had a bunch.
Yeah, yeah, yeah,
Chantel: yeah. You kind of somatic sex. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Regular. It's a whole thing. It's a whole thing. So I think that's always fun too, to, you gotta talk things out. Yeah. And to have different views [00:45:00] and uh, people in your corner mm-hmm. Is nice. Right. Totally. So I know a lot of people do the whole AA thing and I totally love and appreciate and support that.
Yeah. For me, it never really stuck. Mm-hmm. Um, I remember someone saying to me, just go, this was like right before I got sober, just go check it out.
Zoe: Mm-hmm.
Chantel: A lot for me, I didn't grow up religious and there was like a heavy aspect of God or what your God was. Yeah. So someone said to me, take what you need and leave the rest.
Zoe: Mm-hmm. Right? Mm-hmm.
Chantel: And so I really was like, okay. Mm-hmm. I.
Zoe: Yeah. And everyone's sobriety is different. Like I go in meetings, she doesn't like it's mm-hmm. You, you figure out what you need. Yeah. And like you have, you need to have some sort of support. As long as you have what's working for you, then that's literally all that matters.
Yeah.
Heather: Yeah. A is just so good. 'cause it's a catchall, right? It's like if you don't know where to go, it's like, okay, start there. Everyone's there, and then you can find your way out if you need to, or you can stay. Do you mind if we talk about your daughter? Yeah. [00:46:00] So you, she's 10. She's 10. So you were drinking when you had her?
Mm-hmm.
Chantel: Yeah. Yeah. So when I got pregnant I was like 24. Mm-hmm. And, um, obviously stopped drinking while I was pregnant back then. Good. I feel like sort of in my early twenties it was manageable. Yeah. Okay. Right. Yeah. There was weeks that I just wouldn't drink at all. Mm-hmm. And be focused on my kid. Or even before I had my daughter, I could go weeks at a time without drinking.
Okay. But anytime it was like a social setting or a social thing. I was drinking, I was pre-gaming, I was drinking there. I was
Heather: taking
Chantel: it out
Heather: after. Yeah. Right. When you're taking a few weeks off of drinking here and there, is that for something? Are you preparing for something? Are you just over it? Are you not thinking about it?
No. I feel
Chantel: like at the time, like when I met my ex, I was very much, I, I came into this life where I was like, this is great. Right. I can do anything. I have all the access in the world to do what I want, but [00:47:00] I didn't do anything. Mm-hmm. With that time. Right. My world very much revolved around him and his career and supporting him.
Did you like that? I think I didn't know any better at the time. Right, right. Yeah. And for me it was like. How can anyone not like this? Yeah. Right. But I, I didn't have the drive or the, the, the will, I guess you could say, to do anything for myself. Mm-hmm. Not because I didn't want to, because I just really didn't know how to, like, I've always had it inside of me to want to build a business, come up with these ideas and do something.
I didn't know how to do it. Yeah. Right. I'm also dyslexic, so growing up, oh my god, me too. We'll, disc calculate. Yeah. So never, and that's too, yeah. Oh my God. So growing up, up, for me, it was always like, I'm not good enough. Like, just that feeling of like, I'm not good enough. I can't do this. There's your through line.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, yeah, for me, I was like, well, I'm good. I'm comfortable. I've got this great life. I don't need to do anything outside of this. Right.
Heather: Did you do like a sport growing up? Were you involved in something? I was a figure [00:48:00] skater. Oh yeah. See? Oh my God. Oh. Was a figure skater. It's like, it's like, um, you're Adam and we're your ribs.
Yeah. That's biblical. I I just thought I'd bring it back.
Chantel: Yeah. From like five or six until I started drinking in high school, basically. Okay. Same. Yeah.
Zoe: Yeah. I think like around grade 10, like I started to choose alcohol, drugs. Yeah. Over figure skating. It was cooler than figure skating. Yeah. Yeah. I would show up to figure skating like so stoned.
Chantel: Yeah.
Zoe: And it would be so much fun. Yeah. Did you do
Chantel: that too? I can't remember that. Yeah. Um, I think I sort of like stopped figure skating because it was no longer cool in my, my, my mind. I needed to start Yeah. Getting in with a cool crowd and drinking and I definitely
Zoe: stopped like. Competitively skating, like in grade 11.
Yeah. But like, I still skated like for fun, like grade 11 and grade 12. Yeah. Like I still did some small competitions, but not like, as competitive as I was before, just because I did like, [00:49:00] I really did like it and I could still do it like a little bit high and a little bit drunk. Like it was still fun, like driving.
And I had a couple, um, friends who I would smoke weed and um, drink with who also skated. Okay. So I think like we kind of had a thing. Yeah. As long as being like the bad girls of skating was kind of fun for me. That's cool. That is that,
Heather: that is cool. I was not cool. Like I was not. I was very immature, so drinking wasn't even a thing for me.
Like I was afraid of boys. I didn't kiss anyone until grade 12. I was just like, mm-hmm.
Zoe: Which
Heather: is, I think I went the other way. Like, you guys wanna fit in? You're drinking. I'm like, I could never do that. So I'm just gonna stay at the dance studio and be here all night. Like, I can't, I can't even get in there until You did.
Until I did. Yeah. And when I did, it was that feeling that you had. It's just like, oh, this is what I've actually always wanted to feel like. Mm-hmm. And this is what it feels like inside my body, and now I can do it. Yeah. But I can't do that without alcohol. Mm-hmm. And so it's so [00:50:00] nice to find like literally a friend in alcohol to be able to function,
Chantel: you know?
Yeah. It
Heather: was
Chantel: almost like that feeling of like a magic, a magic pill or a magic potion. Like as soon as I have some of this, we're good to go. We got this really right.
Heather: Oh God. It's very, it's a relief in the beginning. Yeah. It totally is a relief. It, it's, it's nice. And then you fell in love with a hockey player.
That is so funny. Yep. What were you doing? What were you working, did you meet him at, at work? I, yes.
Chantel: I was working with one of my best friends still to this day. Um, we were working at a bar. Mm-hmm. Okay. In Vancouver. And in Vancouver. Okay. She was a server, I was a hostess at the time. Mm-hmm. Okay. And, uh, he came in one day for lunch or something with like a few teammates.
I had no idea who he was at the time. And so he's so big and so strong. Yeah. And there's like, just like a certain way they walk, like they've got like a gate to them. Mm-hmm. I can now see it with Yeah. Like hockey players or [00:51:00] they've been put on a pedestal
Heather: since they're six. Yeah. That's what it is. Yeah.
Chantel: And so he, he had asked me out. And he, he walked out and do you know who that is? Like she knew instantly and I was like, no. Um, so yeah, I ended up going out on a date with him mm-hmm. While I was sober. Mm-hmm. Wasn't drinking at the time. Did he wine and dine you about the wine? He did. He wine and dine me and, uh, I felt very sort of like awkward about not drinking.
Mm-hmm. But I was also still like in this very firm, like, I don't need to drink right now. Mm-hmm. So I think that was like my first experience of dating without drinking. Right. Wow. Yeah. That's
Heather: impressive Also at that age, 'cause you're like, oh, I don't actually need to stop drinking. I'm just not doing it.
Right. I'm just not doing it.
Chantel: But then, like I
Heather: said,
Chantel: it probably took about a month and then I was like, no, I really wanna be a part of this world, part of this whole culture
Zoe: of going
Chantel: out
Zoe: with the
Chantel: hockey
Zoe: thing. So very quickly it became,
Chantel: it came back into my life. Was it
Zoe: like a toxic
Chantel: thing? Like was it, how was that like immediate.
Um, yeah, there was a, I don't even know how many [00:52:00] games they would have a week, but yeah, a couple. And then after the games, whether they won or they lost, you would always go out. Yeah. Okay. And you would drink and, yeah.
Zoe: Mm-hmm.
Chantel: So there was, there was a lot of drinking happening. Mm-hmm. There was always been a part of me that was like, I don't think marriage is for me.
Yeah. I don't really understand. I don't know if I like subscribed to it. Yeah. And we were engaged. Mm-hmm. Okay. But there was like no rush for us to get married. We got pregnant and, uh, you got pregnant and then got engaged. Engaged then pregnant. Engaged and pregnant. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. You tried to get pregnant?
Yeah, we, it was like the first shot happened right away. Yeah. It just, okay. Yeah. Um, and, uh, there was no rush to get married and I was like, we don't have to. We can do it later. Yeah. When our daughter's a little bit older. For me, I think that was like me just pushing away the whole idea Yeah. Ultimately.
Mm-hmm. You know? Mm-hmm. And I think I knew. Pretty early on in the game being with him that this [00:53:00] relationship wasn't gonna last forever. Okay. Nothing to do with him. It's just a feeling weird. It's, it's a feeling weird. Two different people. Yeah. You didn't actually
Zoe: want to like have, you didn't want that to be a life forever.
Chantel: Yeah.
Zoe: Yeah. It was just supposed to be like a little phase, a little fun thing. I
Heather: think so. Yeah. Yeah. Um. So, makes so much sense to me. Yeah. It's like, this is a thing I can fit into now. Yeah. So I'm gonna do that now. This fits me now. And, and then like, oh wait, I need to
Zoe: get out of like, this isn't supposed to be forever.
Like, how did
Chantel: this happen? And I think it wasn't until after we separated. Yeah. Uh, that that's when the drinking really got. Okay. Okay. So let's
Heather: get into that. Yeah. So when you guys are together, we just got so excited. When you guys are together, you're drinking, you're in the culture, you're with the wives, you're doing your thing.
Are you ever drinking more than him? Has it, is it ever a conversation with him? Like, okay, you're
Zoe: a
Heather: drunk Chantel, you're drinking too much? Yeah.
Chantel: Yeah. There was definitely times. Okay. Okay. Like, I'd lose things. Like, I remember he bought me like some brand new leather jacket and I, I lost [00:54:00] it like that night.
Yeah. And he was like. What the fuck? Okay. Like, and
Heather: was he being like,
Chantel: oh, because that's because you were too drunk, or, yes. That was because he's making was because you were too drunk. Mm-hmm. And ended up at the strip club and came home at 4:00 AM and I've been in bed since 10:00 PM Chantal Okay. And stuff like that, you know?
Right. Yeah. Um, but that was, it wasn't happening all the time. It was happening mm-hmm. Here and there. And like, you know, he had his own shit going on too. Totally. Mm-hmm. So it, yeah, there wasn't a lot of that. There was definitely a few times where he was like, you gotta rein it in.
Heather: Yeah. Are you drinking during the day?
Chantel: Uh, no. I was not drinking during the day, unless it was like, Hey, let's go out for lunch with a few girls and then that's fine, and then we bring it into the night and whatever. Mm-hmm.
Zoe: Yeah. But by
Chantel: myself at the time, no. Okay. But when me and my ex broke up, and when I was fully single, living on my own. The times that I didn't have my daughter, it was like a fucking free a shit show.
Free for all.
Heather: And would you say that was right away, or is that a reason you got [00:55:00] separated? No, that was right away. It was right away. So he is gone away and you're like, I'm drinking now. Mm-hmm. I'm fully getting into this because you didn't
Zoe: have anything else now, right? I had nothing. Yeah. Right. I had my daughter.
Yeah. But she's at his she time.
Chantel: And I didn't know who the fuck I was. Yeah. What I wanted to do, who I wanted to be fair. I was just like, Hey, like, you know, I'm still able to live this nice lifestyle. Mm-hmm. And I can travel, I can meet people, and I can literally do whatever the fuck I want. Mm-hmm. It was dangerous actually.
Okay. So
Zoe: this is a positive feeling for you though? It's positive at the time. You're like, yeah, I'm free, I'm single. Okay. I can get fucked up when my daughter's not here.
Heather: But at this point, are you working?
Chantel: No.
Heather: Okay. No. And you're not. I'm assuming this is gonna sink in at some point. Like, holy shit, what am I doing?
But for right now, you're like, fuck yeah. For right now. It was like, fuck yeah. Hey. But a little
Zoe: bit, was it a little bit like, oh, I don't know what I'm doing. Kind of the whole time. Like, like while I was
Chantel: with my ex [00:56:00]
Zoe: or, yeah. And after like, because you were drinking to like numb something, right? Yep. And that feeling of like, oh, like I'm just his girlfriend.
Mm-hmm. I'm just his wife. Okay, now I'm single. What am I doing? Like I think you were drinking to numb something and I'm just wondering if that was like a little bit of why.
Chantel: Yes, definitely. Yeah, yeah, yeah. This feeling of like not being enough for, and then you never wanted to
Zoe: confront it until it was finally time to do that.
Exactly. Yeah.
Chantel: Yeah, for sure. So there was a lot of. Just trying to numb something. Yeah. And not deal with something. Yeah. Like yeah. There was this obvious like, Hey, what do you wanna do with your life? Who do you wanna be? Yeah. How do we wanna like and future? And you trying to figure that out. Yeah. By drinking.
Zoe: Yeah.
Chantel: Because
Zoe: you think that's the only way
Chantel: you can get, get through it. 'cause you think that's the only
Zoe: way,
Heather: right?
Zoe: Yeah.
Heather: But what I'm getting is that's not super fucking frustrating for you yet.
Chantel: Not yet. Right. It took a, it took a while. It was like from the age of 27. Oh my God. You're still in your [00:57:00] twenties at this stage.
27 is so young. Yep. Mm-hmm. 27 till, I think I got sober when I was thir. I'm 35 now, so 32 let's say. Okay. Nice. Um. So a good five years of like mm-hmm. And what are, what
Heather: kind of drinking are we talking about?
Chantel: Are we going out, are we staying in, we are doing it all. Okay. We are doing it all. We're moving through different friend groups.
We're traveling around the world. We are meeting different guys. We are just being the wildest version of ourselves.
Heather: Mm. Well arguably this is what you missed out on. You know, meeting someone when you were 21. Yeah. Right. So you're like, let me fucking, let me live. Feel my oats. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That makes sense.
Zoe: Yeah. And then, and then what, what, how did it come crashing down?
Chantel: Uhhuh. Okay. So how did it come crashing down or did it come crashing down? No, no. It did. There was, okay, good. There was
Heather: like, you know, I just woke up and I was like, I'm gonna stop drinking.
Chantel: And no, some people would wake up in a sewer. There was a series [00:58:00] of unfortunate events.
Totally love it. That started to really pile up.
Heather: Those are the last books I ever read, by the way. And then I couldn't do read anymore. Things got too difficult.
Chantel: Um, drinking and driving. Oh. Mm-hmm. Sorry, I'm drunk.
Zoe: Everybody
Chantel: is drunk. Yeah. Drinking and driving. Did you get A-D-U-I-I-I did not get A-D-U-I-I crashed my car.
Okay. During COVID, I had just come back from Europe. Okay. And, um.
Heather: Yeah, I was, I was drinking and driving. And what's that situation? Are you drinking during the day, you're coming back from lunch? What's going on? No, this was at night. Okay. At night. This was at night. Where were you coming from? I was coming from a friend's house to go back home.
Okay. And not one friend. That friend didn't say, don't, don't drive? I
Chantel: think they did
Heather: okay. I was just, you know, I was gonna stop you. No,
Chantel: no stopping me. Yeah. Gotta get the full scope. And so that was a very bad situation. But you know, at the time I kind of brushed it under the rug, like, okay, what did you crash
Heather: into?[00:59:00]
Chantel: A pull. Okay. Yeah.
Heather: A pull. Did you
Chantel: get hurt? I was fine. Okay. Totaled my car. No one else was hurt, thank God. Was anyone else in the car? No. Okay, good. Just me. Yeah. So that was a huge one. Yeah. And embarrassing as hell. Totally. And because it was during COVID mm-hmm. They had read up like this big article on it.
They didn't involve my name, but I had. Messages from so many people like Chantel, this is you. This is your poor, it's your car. Yeah. You just got back from Europe. Like it's saying all these things. Holy shit. I was like, I'm not dealing with this. Not today. No way. Yeah, definitely not. This is no. So what should have been my rock bottom kind of just spiraled out into, uh, let's just bury this one too.
Mm-hmm. Right. Because then I have people reaching out to me too after this article and I'm like, no fucking way. Yeah, yeah. No, wasn't me.
Heather: Yeah, right. Did the article say that you were drunk?
Chantel: Yeah.
Heather: Oh, it did? Okay. Yeah. So people aren't just concerned. They're like, yo,
Chantel: how did your ex respond to this? He was not happy.
Yeah. He was definitely not happy. And I was lying to everybody at the time, like it wasn't me, you know? Um. He, [01:00:00] he know he's a smart guy. Mm-hmm. He knew
Heather: he lived with you. Yeah. He knew. Yeah. Yeah. I couldn't, my ex like, could like sense if I was gonna get up and go get a drink, he would know. He would know before.
He's like, I can feel you getting antsy. I'm like, they know. They fucking know. They know. Okay. So did you have to tell him or did he find out? Uh, he found out. What is your relationship with your parents at this time?
Chantel: Yeah. So again, this is during COVID. Mm-hmm. My parents were, my parents are like rule followers.
Right? Yeah. So they're at home, they're not seeing anyone, they're not taking visitors. Mm-hmm. I could kind of keep a lot from them. Yeah. At the time. Um, so they didn't know much of what was going on. My mom definitely had some like inklings like, yeah, she's not doing well. Mm-hmm. Things are not great. But there was only so much they could do at the time.
Yeah. Did they ever
Heather: say anything to you about your drinking?
Chantel: Yeah. Okay. At the end, before I went to rehab, it was, I had constant conversations with my parents, where my mom was like, like, this is getting out of hand. Mm-hmm. [01:01:00] Like, you have a daughter, you have responsibilities, you need to get better. Like she fully was aware, right?
Mm-hmm. And
Heather: are you in those conversations like, I know, I know I have to, or are you like, no, it's not bad. Like I'm, I don't have a problem.
Chantel: Yeah. It was mostly like, yeah, no, it's not, it's not as bad as you think. Yeah. Like you're overreacting, you know? Yeah. Trying to hide it. So inside I knew. Inside I knew,
Heather: but yeah.
About, so when you're lying to your mom, you're like, fuck. Yeah. Like it's such a clear, in my head. It's so clear. There was a one time when I, the first time I lied to my mom, 'cause I had a major eating disorder too, but the first time I lied to my mom about eating, I had come home from college. I was gonna go take a ballet class at like 6:00 PM and my mom was like, oh, do you wanna eat quick before you go?
And I was like, oh, I already did. And it just came out of my mouth like nothing. Yeah. Like I've been lying forever. And I was like. Whoa. That was to my mom and she believed me. Now I can fucking lie to anybody. Mm-hmm. Like, this is, this is a, like a threshold I've just passed, you know? Yeah, yeah. Something about the mom.
Damn. Okay. So you're hiding it from them. You come home. [01:02:00] Mm-hmm. You're drinking, drinking, whatcha drinking immediately? I was a big white
Chantel: wine. Me too. I could polish off a few bottles. No problem. And you, and you never became as big as a house? No, I didn't. Nice. I didn't, um, white wine, tequila occasionally.
And are you eating? Here and there. Okay. Okay. Not much. Okay.
Heather: Yeah. Interesting. 'cause I had such an appetite. I was so hungry all the time. Eating pizza all day. Yeah. I think when I was hungover,
Chantel: yeah. The appetite definitely came back. Yeah. But while I was drinking, no. Yeah. Okay. There wasn't a lot of eating happening.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Zoe: Well, because I was mostly, I was also throwing up for the most part, like when I was hungover. Yeah. I would get really sick when I was hungover. They sick, hungover. There'd be like the shower, there'd be like little moments throughout the day where I was hungry, but that was like far and in between.
Yeah. Could eat like where Eat. I could actually eat. Eat.
Heather: Yeah.
Zoe: It wasn't a lot of the time. I could eat.
Heather: Probably could drink though. Yeah. Mm-hmm. Hell yeah. Yeah. Mm-hmm. Damn. Um, and then what happened? Yeah. [01:03:00] So where are we now? Where we've just hit like, what should be a rock bottom? It's not, where
Chantel: are we now?
Okay. So in between that incident and actually going to rehab, I had met somebody. Mm. A gentleman and this one, a gentleman. This, this one is actually kind of surprising because I had met him and he was sober. Okay. Okay. I was raging out control. Okay. He was sober because he was an addict. Exactly. Hey, love it.
Sober from drinking. And so I think in my mind, like our first date, I was like, internally, I'm like, I need something like this in my life. Right? Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. And he was a cool sober, like mm-hmm. Very easy to talk to. Very open about it. Um. And I was like, this is great. Like internally I was like, I need this person around.
Yeah. And in my life, like, this is good for me 'cause he can help me. Yeah. 'cause he can help me. Okay. I would've never said that out loud. Yeah. But like inside. Yeah. That's what I was thinking. Mm-hmm. And [01:04:00] so we very quickly got into a relationship quite fast. Um, moved in together a few months in and there was definitely times right off the bat that, you know, we'd go out with friends and the next morning he was like, Hey, you were like a little too much for me last night.
Or like, we need to tone it down a little. You literally had four bottles of wine to yourself. Like, yeah. Isn't it
Heather: interesting though that he chose you? Yeah. Yes. Does it turn into a fight?
Chantel: Yeah, there's definitely some arguments. Um. And I, he's explicitly said to me at one point, like, if you continue like this, like we can't beat you.
This is not good for me. Okay.
Zoe: Mm-hmm.
Chantel: Right. And so I understood that, uh, but that wasn't
Heather: stopping me. He's saying these things to you when you're hearing them. Are you like, what's your reaction to when he's saying that? Like, I need you, I'm gonna need you to stop. Yeah. Yeah. For
Chantel: me it was like, okay, like I can tone it down maybe for you.
Yeah. Mm-hmm. [01:05:00] But am I gonna stop? No. Yeah. It's crazy. Yeah.
Zoe: And in your heart, like you probably knew like, no, I can't tone it down for you. Yeah. Like the fuck. Right. And there's no,
Chantel: like, when you're at that stage, there's no toning
Heather: it down.
Chantel: Yeah. Right. It's all or nothing.
Heather: We know that. Well, the toning it down is like, I'm going to be sneakier now.
Yeah. Yeah. That's the tone. So it might look toned down to you, but then there's gonna be a weird day where I come in and throw up in the middle of the day. Mm-hmm. And you're like, I thought you weren't drinking anymore. Like it is like that my ex. We, I helped him move to New York and he broke up with me on my birthday.
He really should have. That was fine.
Chantel: This
Heather: one broke
Chantel: up with me on my birthday. Oh, it, it's fucking birthdays. It's birthdays. Crushed
Heather: me. Crushed me. Oh yeah. Holy. But it's, it makes sense though, because it's like, it's her birthday. I'm supposed to tell her that I love her so much and like happy birthday.
Like I don't, and I can't. I don't, I can't. Goodbye.
Zoe: Yeah. So, but, so then when he broke up with you, was that your rock bottom then? Like
Chantel: Yeah. That, okay. So he's gonna fucking hate me for this, but while we were together, I found out I was [01:06:00] pregnant. Okay. Okay. And so I was very much in a place where I was like, I definitely wanted another kid.
We had talked about it. Um, but you know, it wasn't meant to like happen right away, right? Mm-hmm. And it did. And I remember calling him, you're just
Heather: like, your eggs are vibing. Damn, you were so fertile. They're ready.
Chantel: My remember calling him, he was on a ski trip and I was like. I was out that night too. Yeah.
And I was like being ruthless. I remember him texting me and being like, Hey, you should probably get home. And I was like, shut the fuck up. You know? Yeah. Forgot what to do. Yeah. I'm out here having fun. Well, you're
Heather: pregnant.
Chantel: But I would not, not at this time. Okay. I didn't know yet, which, that was not judgment by the way.
I just said
Heather: it just to get a timeline. Yeah. Literally. Well, you're
Chantel: pregnant.
Heather: I'm like, who in their right mind would drink or sleep with someone else's boyfriend? Yeah. That's
Chantel: crazy. So yeah, I'm out. I'm out until like 5:00 AM get home and I wake up. And it wasn't just a hangover, like I instantly knew something was going on.
Right. And. I [01:07:00] don't know if it was that day or the next. Anyways, I go and I get a pregnancy test. Lo and behold, I'm pregnant. I call him. He's not happy with me because I had just basically told him to fuck off. Mm-hmm. Yeah. And he didn't know where I was or what I was doing, and he was like, no, I'm coming home.
I'm coming home right now. I was like, no, just like hang out. Where was he? He was skiing, skiing, ski skiing or something. Yeah. I was like, hang out. We'll, we'll talk about it in a few days. So I ended up going through with getting an abortion basically to like save this mm-hmm. Relationship. Mm-hmm. Sure.
Because I was so stuck to this person that I thought that I needed, he was sober. Mm-hmm.
Heather: I was still, well, you did need him in that moment. Yeah. Like, I know we're strong, independent women, but like that's your addiction, that's your disease. You did need somebody, you know? Yes. Yes.
Chantel: Um, and basically like a week after.
I had gotten really loud after the abortion. I had gotten so drunk and I just like let it all out on him, just like saying the meanest things. And I think [01:08:00] that night he just like packed up and, and left. And I thought he would come back the next morning. Next morning was my birthday. No, he's not coming back.
No. Fuck. That was it. That was the, the straw. Um, and so yeah, that broke me. Yeah. It was like not only am I dealing with a breakup right now, you saw an
Zoe: abortion.
Chantel: Yeah. Yeah. Mm-hmm. So that was really the thing that like put me over the edge. Yeah. Was that your first abortion? No, I had had one like when I was much younger.
Yeah. But some, the some reason suction the pill. Okay. The pill. I got to
Zoe: have the pill too. Thank God you did okay. Yeah.
Chantel: Yeah. Yeah. And it was like, I must've been like 18 or 19 at the time of my first one. Yeah. Classic abortion
Heather: age. Yeah. Yeah. And
Chantel: you just don't even think anything of it. You're like, I don't want this right now.
I see you later. Yeah. I got some drinking to do. Yes. This one, however, like
Zoe: Yeah. This one because you wanted fucked up with Yeah. Yeah. You wanted, you were excited for it. Were you, do you think you were also excited for it? 'cause you're like, oh, like I'm pregnant. This will be the [01:09:00] push I need to stay sober.
Yep. Throughout my pregnancy. Definitely. There was a
Chantel: part of it. Yeah. Yeah. Because was pregnant, you stayed sober
Zoe: throughout your pregnancy before, so Yeah, I
Chantel: did. Yeah. Yeah.
Heather: You're at like an appropriate age to have a child. Mm-hmm. You're at the appropriate age to get married, be in a, like a relationship that's successful and cool and you're being dropped by both things.
Yeah. Right. And that is a fuck ton. Like that would make me go home and drink an entire case of wine. Like that's the worst thing when it, when you are making the realization, you're like, there's no way I can even excuse myself out of this. Yeah. It's above me. Yeah. You know, and then that's
Zoe: the time when you're like, okay, something's like not working here.
It's, and that's when you called your ex or
Chantel: your No. Yeah. It took a couple months after that point. I don't know exactly how long, but like a couple months. Um, and that's when I called Yeah. My ex. And was okay. And, and things were so out of control. Like there'd be times where, you know, I was supposed to have my daughter where I'd [01:10:00] just call him and be like, Hey, can you like keep her for a few more days?
'cause need to get fucked up. Are they in Vancouver as well at this time? Yep. Okay. Yep. She's there.
Heather: Um, he was there. I was gonna ask how your. Doing parenting? Like how are you feeling? It's very,
Chantel: very good now. Yeah. Very, very good now. Sure. Okay. But at the
Heather: time,
Chantel: at the time, no, it was tough. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. A lot of like dirty looks from him.
Like, are we good? Are you good? You know, tired, they're also holding time. Two jobs, all your mom
Heather: and you're an alcoholic. Exactly. So that's two very busy jobs. Yeah. And they don't, they're not very conducive. No. Right. No, definitely not. Yeah. Did having your daughter, we've talked about this, that sometimes people have kids and it's their night and shining armor.
Mm-hmm. And they're like, I'm gonna get fucking sober now. This is who I have to live for. And then some people have a kid, and this is what I would do. It's, it wouldn't change anything for me. It would make me probably feel worse. I would probably drink more. Like I can see that future for me. Yeah. Mm-hmm.
[01:11:00] Is that where you were? That's where I was
Chantel: at, yeah. Okay. And because my situation with. My ex was so easy and he could just take, he was, he's retired now at this point. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. So he could just take her for as much or as little as needed. Right. It wasn't really like I had to, um, accommodate her being around.
Yeah. I was gonna go out and get fucked up. She just wouldn't be there. She'd be with, with her dad. Right. Which in my mind was like peace of mind, like, oh, I can go and do what I need to do and she's not a liability here. Mm-hmm. Right. Okay. Interesting. Yeah. So did you ever drink around her? Yeah, there was definitely times that I drank around her.
Okay. Um. There was no, I was pretty, I was careful mm-hmm. When it came to her being around Yeah. And drinking. I was definitely careful. So thank God. Mm-hmm. Um, but no, there was no sort of crazy situation she got wrapped up in Thank God. Yeah, yeah.
Heather: Yeah. She probably would've. Yeah, right. I think it gone all the time.
For sure. Yeah. [01:12:00] Yeah. Yeah. And that's like the rock bottom. You really don't wanna hit No. When it comes to kids or family, it's like, fuck, I wish I could have just hit rock bottom before that. Before that. Yeah. Yeah. But that is very good. Like that's, and a lot of people don't have that. A lot of people have their kids and like their kids see them drinking.
Yeah. And it's horrible. And it's like a whole fucking thing they have to work on. And like it's, you know, it's volatile For sure. And I think too, like
Chantel: her age helped, obviously she was quite young. She's 10 now. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. When I went to rehab, her dad brought her out to visit me. She knows. Being sober, she'll celebrate my anniversaries.
Okay. Like she's That's really cute. She's proud of it. Yeah. She loves it. So I think that's really cool to be able to show your kid Yeah. That you are sober and changed and different and you can do hard things and all these little things that create. I don't know, stability in them, right? Mm-hmm. That is, do you love being a mom?
I do. You do? Yeah. Yeah. My daughter is the best, like, obviously bias, but mm-hmm. You know, she's the best. She's, well,
Heather: [01:13:00] sometimes we know when the kids are the best ones, and that's just true. And it's fine. It's just, it's like, fine. Some kids suck.
Chantel: Yeah. And that's true. That's
Heather: true. She's
Chantel: also dyslexic as well.
Oh. Which is like, I'm like, dude, we are superheroes. I always tell her because like math and certain things, right. She has struggles with, and I'm like, okay, listen, it's not about these things. Like really, we don't need these outside of school. Mm-hmm. Don't. Um, but here's one thing is like, you are super creative.
Mm-hmm. If you're interested in something, you will do it better than anybody else. Mm-hmm. And you have so many things that people cannot do, and she's like, I like that.
Heather: I'm like, that's a really, that's lovely. Right. Damn. That's like giving assurance to amazing way, not knowing what you wanna do. Yeah. Yeah.
I love that. Which is like what I did not have. Yeah. Like not knowing what I was gonna do was like, oh, I'm going to kill myself. Mm-hmm. Like, if I don't figure it out in this year, like even after rehab, I'm sober and I'm like. Yeah, yeah. I'm sober, but I'm a piece of fucking shit. Yeah. And I ruined all my, like my life and all of my friendships, all my relationships.
If I don't, if I don't figure it out, that was great. Glad I went to rehab, but like,
Zoe: goodbye, you know? [01:14:00] Yeah. Mm-hmm. And how was like getting out of rehab then? Like were you scared, like you were there for four months?
Chantel: Yeah, I mean it was definitely an adjustment. You. Feel like you are in such a safe space.
Yeah. 'cause you are, and you really get to like, sort of ease into like this person and the life that you wanna be living, which is so nice to completely remove yourself outside of your environment and do it elsewhere. Uh, so going back home was like a little terrifying for me, for sure. Obviously I was so happy to go and see my, my daughter, but yeah, it was terrifying.
I remember coming back and I was, I moved back into the house that, yeah. I was, and my ex were in, so that was kind of like a bit rocky from the start. Mm-hmm. I had my He was there? No. Okay. He was gone. Okay. I had my mom, but like the same house, like she, same house where everything went down. Right? Yeah. So I had my mom stay with me for like.
Three or four weeks. I don't even know how long. I was just like, I need somebody here. Mm-hmm. Wow. With me, you know me accountable. Yeah. Mm-hmm. I also started, I don't know [01:15:00] if you guys have ever heard of Sober Links. Do you know what that is? I, no. So when I was in rehab, a bunch of people would talk about it, and it's essentially like a small breathalyzer.
Heather: Oh, oh yeah. Okay.
Zoe: Yes, yes. My sponsee has a breathalyzer and she blows into it three times a day. Yep. And like, I think her therapist gave it to her. Yeah, yeah. Um, and so yeah, there's, she tells me a few times like that she feels like an inkling to drink.
Chantel: Mm-hmm. But then
Zoe: she remembers that she has the breathalyzer too, and then that's like what stops her.
Chantel: Yeah. So I had heard about this in rehab and I was just like, you know, it's a great idea. Mm-hmm. For accountability. Mm-hmm. Also like my family too, trust all the things. And so basic, basically you set it up in your phone, you could do it two times a day or three times a day. Okay. And then you have different contacts.
Mm-hmm. For me, it was like my family. Yeah. My ex. Whoever else I had in there. Um, and if you blow over mm-hmm. 0.0, it notifies all these people. Yeah. So for me [01:16:00] it's scary. Yeah. But like it's also keeping you like highly accountable. Mm-hmm. Okay, cool. And there's records too. These are like court admissible if you ever need to use them.
Oh shit. So they're huge. Right. So for me, I was like, that's good though. 'cause custody shit. You're like, no, look, I'm sober. Exactly. Exactly. So for me, I was like, okay, this is a modest, my mom was like so on board, so happy about it. Uh, and I did that for two years. Okay. Every single day. There were some days I was just like so happy to do it.
Other days I was like, fuck this. This is so annoying. It was all for a purpose. It's homework. And then also too, like I remember being out 'cause it's scheduled for certain times. Right. If you don't hit it between 12 and two, we've got a problem. They're gonna come in. Right. We've got a missed test here. And then it's showing up on your, your records.
So I don't know, I'd be out to lunch or something like that in the beginning. I'd be so self-conscious. Mm. Like everyone just whip this out at the table and like do this. 'cause you have to like blow into this thing. Mm-hmm. Right. Yeah. So I'd like run to the bathroom and do it. And then it finally just got [01:17:00] to a point I was like, fuck it.
This is my breathalyzer. Yeah. I'm just gonna do it right here. Yeah. I'm an addict. Yeah. Yeah. Thank you very much. I think for me it was so useful. Mm-hmm. And I can definitely see it being useful for a lot of people. Yeah. It's something I recommend for sure.
Heather: It's also like, I'm gonna blow into this thing and I'm going to, I'm gonna pass the test, I'm gonna pass and I know it.
I'm really good at this. Yeah. Yeah. Like it's very, it's a nice like small victory, you know? Yeah. Like little victories every day. That's so, I mean, that's a big victory 'cause it's literally being drunk, but like No, it's, I think that is helpful. It was very helpful. Yeah.
Zoe: So then your life now, like sober. Did a lot of your friendships change?
Did you have to like cut anybody off? Yeah. Did you ever talk to that sober ex again? Yeah,
Chantel: so dating when I got back to Vancouver, like I said, living in that old house, had my mom stay there for a while. Yeah. When you come back and you're back in your environment, newly sober, you were so fragile. Mm-hmm. I feel mm-hmm.
Right? Oh my God. Yeah. You are basically relearning. Yeah. Who you [01:18:00] are. It's like you're a baby, like you said, right? A total baby. Yeah. Mm-hmm. You are for the first time, dead sober. Mm-hmm. 24 hours a day.
Heather: Yeah. And just to reiterate, the reason for that is because everything you've done. Up until that point has been with drinking.
Yep. Like nail salon, massage therapy. Yeah. Work, family, everything. And if it wasn't
Chantel: with drinking, it was with drinking in mind.
Heather: Yeah.
Chantel: Do you know what I mean? You doing something so that you could drink later. Yes. Yeah. Yes. Yeah. So that always your life before this new life you don't know anything about, you're just like, whew.
Yeah. Just one day at a time. We're gonna get through this. Um, it's very scary getting yourself out in social situations for the first time and just doing normal things. Mm-hmm. I remember too, like the very first year that I was sober. I wouldn't work out or anything because for me it's all or nothing.
Heather: Yeah, me too. And so
Chantel: if I were to work out, I knew that that would've become an addiction and I'd have to go every single day. Mm-hmm. So I stripped away like everything. Yeah. Which was very like raw [01:19:00] and it was tough. Yeah. But yeah, I got to a point finally after like this six month mark where I'd stopped ha having all these dreams about, I was having crazy dreams about drinking.
Oh my God. I wake up and I was just sweating in a panic, like, oh my God, I let everybody down. Yeah. This is so embarrassing. Um, but once you get over that like six month mark, I feel like things start to open up and you're like, okay, I'm confident in myself. I've got this, I've got my support system behind me.
Like this is totally fine. Yeah. But now it's a case of what the fuck are we doing with our lives? Yeah. Yeah. Who do I wanna be besides just sober and healthy and happy. Mm-hmm. Right? Mm-hmm. And when did you. Figure that out. I figured it out right before, well, I, yeah. Right before my first sober birthday.
Mm-hmm.
Heather: Okay.
Chantel: And I was away with my then co-founder at the time mm-hmm. Who I met coming out of rehab. Okay. Okay. She was at the rehab, not in my [01:20:00] rehab, she was on sort of like a similar path to mine. Okay. Mm-hmm. Mom kids went through the whole rehab thing. Mm-hmm. So we got introduced and trauma bonding a hundred percent.
Mm-hmm. Yeah. Yes. Um, you gotta be
Heather: careful with the trauma bonds.
Chantel: Mm-hmm. You have to be careful with the very bonding. Yeah. Yes. Yeah. Mm-hmm. And, uh, we started hanging out quite a bit and, um. We were drinking lots of non-alcoholic options. Yeah. Mm-hmm. And I was like, Hey, how about we just, you're not doing anything right now.
I'm not doing anything right now. Yeah, yeah. Let's start something. And at first it was like, that's cra, like we can't do, I was like, no, we can't. Yeah. Like just watch. Right? Yeah. You got that thing. Yes. Yeah. So that's how it, that's how it all started. And also if I look back to when I was with my sober ex, he was like a man of access.
Like if he bought something, he bought like a hundred of one thing. Like that's just the type of guy he was. So he would go and fill up our fridge with like all these non elk options [01:21:00] at the time. So I, I had full access and was choosing and drinking things and had experience with these things prior Right.
To getting sober. Right. So I knew what was on the market. Yeah. I knew what I could do. I knew what was
Heather: missing. Cool. Yeah, I think also a lot of times, like we've been doing this for a little while and it's like a lot of times the good shit. Is women. Mm-hmm. Yeah. You know, it's like filling a gap in the market.
Mm. Thinking about actual people, not just like an NA Corona or like, yeah, now this whatever is non-alcoholic. It's like, no, we are like building a thing. You're like, it's a movement. It's like creating something for the sober girls, for the people who don't drink. It's, yeah, it's really important. You know, it's not just like, oh, here's a ginger ale.
You can't drink. Yeah, yeah, exactly. But that's great. So you, when did you start working on it?
Chantel: It was, I think November of the first year I got sober. Okay. So I was almost at my year mark. So like two years ago you started thinking about it two years ago and you launched [01:22:00] eight months ago. Launched eight months ago.
So good. Yeah. How's it
Heather: going?
Chantel: It's going, it's going great. Yeah. Like, it's been amazing. I feel like people are, are loving it. Mm-hmm. Um, we're pretty much through our first run. Mm-hmm. That was like 54,000 cans. Wow.
Heather: Yeah. Holy shit. Yeah. Because you're sober, I'm assuming you're making these things, you're like, oh, these are for sober, sober people.
Is that the market you're seeing? Are you seeing people coming in that are sober, people that never had to be sober? What is the, what are you seeing? Yeah. Pregnant people. I,
Chantel: I think when, when we first started this, it was very much we were sober, so let's put our energy into this. Mm-hmm. And this is our thing, our niche, whatever.
But this drink is not just for sober people. Right. Right. Yeah. Like there's very much a shift in how people see everything these days. Yeah. Health, wellness, like people don't just wanna drink alcohol. They wanna find out like, what can I drink that's actually good for you. Yeah. What's better for you? They want options that are gonna make them feel [01:23:00] good.
Yeah. Mm-hmm. And so our focus was sort of on like this whole sober community. Yeah. But I think when we launched, we very quickly saw that. There's a whole nother, whole nother space. Right, right.
Heather: Interesting. 'cause it happens the other way. There's Yeah. You know, other like sparkling brands, sparkling water, like I don't really get the sober space and it's like, oh no, no.
The sober girls and boys are the ones that are drinking all this shit. Yeah. So it's like the other way. And then they're like, oh, there's a sober community that wants our stuff. Yeah. Like, yeah. So you're like going the opposite. Yeah. And it's kind of a nice surprise. It's like, oh, it's not only sober people, like there's other people who don't wanna drink alcohol all the time.
Yep. Yeah. What a shock. By the way,
Zoe: it is becoming way more like popular or mainstream to like not drink. Mm-hmm. Do you find that? I do. Yeah. Yeah. Very much so. It's like very
Heather: cool to not drink, which is something I, we got sober at a great time. We did. You really did. We locked out. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. And I really didn't think that like my life was gonna be cooler.[01:24:00]
I didn't think I was gonna have access to like the life I have now, like friendships. I didn't have any, yeah. Like, you know. It's so different now. Can we go a little bit into your, and we will wrap up soon, but we mentioned, you mentioned this a little before, but your eating disorder. Yeah. Are you okay to talk about that?
Yep. When did that start for
Chantel: you? That was young. Okay. That would've been like around the 15, 16 mark. Was that like because of skating at all, like fear skating? Mm-hmm. Definitely. Did you
Heather: experience that too? No. No. Yeah. No. It's like the one thing she doesn't have is like hating her body. Thank God. I know.
Isn't it nice? I'm like, what is that? Like how are you, like what have you been doing with all of your brain time? Yeah.
Zoe: I don't know. I guess I just like. I guess I lucked out with my coaches maybe. Mm-hmm. Like I really had amazing coaches, especially when I was young and living in Oakville. I really loved my coach.
I never felt like the pressure to be a certain body. Yeah. Mm-hmm. Um, [01:25:00] I think maybe my dad always taught me like to be strong, so I always liked that aspect of it. Um, yeah. It's just sometimes it doesn't get to people. Yeah. And it's remarkable. There's definitely, there was definitely times where I just wasn't prioritizing eating because of my drinking.
Mm-hmm. Yeah. Um, and I definitely liked how my body was looking. I was like, oh, this is great. Like, this is amazing for, I look great, I look skinny. Mm-hmm. Um, but it wasn't something I was like chasing right to do. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah.
Chantel: How did your start? Good question. I feel like my entire life I was.
Teeny tiny. Mm-hmm. Um, and that was like a pain point for me. People I would get made fun of quite a bit. I remember being
Heather: tiny. Yeah. For being tiny. Um, that's so hard for me to empathize with, but I am getting better at it. Yeah. 'cause I do know it's like I had a friend that was so thin, so I'm bulldozing you.
Yeah. And she would talk about that. Like, oh, people are making fun of me. And I'm [01:26:00] like, fuck you. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Like, how is that even an issue? And so I come from the other side where I'm like, oh my God, I'd way rather be skinny. And like, that can't affect your mental health, but it can. It can. Oh yeah, it can.
Mm-hmm. Bullying is bullying. Right?
Chantel: Totally. It's, and especially when we're young and it's also not even about your body. It's about No. Like just power. Yeah. Mm-hmm. Yeah. And that's exactly what it became. It was very much like, I can't control anything in my life. Like, you know, I didn't feel like I was smart enough, couldn't really do well in school, so what was the one thing I could control?
Mm-hmm. Right. What did you start with? Restricting. Restricting for sure. And then I get to a point where I was like, way too small. Mm-hmm. Um, oh, you were good at it. I was good at it. Yeah. Yeah. And then it, it just came to a point where I was like, okay, well I'm gonna go and I'm going to eat whatever the hell I want and then I'm just gonna throw it up.
Mm-hmm. Right. And that became a habit for years. Yeah. Years. Did you switch over to that
Heather: because you couldn't restrict anymore?
Chantel: Pretty much. Yeah. It got to a point where I was like, you hit a wall, I'm gonna be way too tiny here. Got it. So
Heather: let's throw it up [01:27:00] instead. Yeah. Like 80% of the calories throw up. 20% salary.
Yeah.
Chantel: Overeat. Which is also like a thing that, I don't know, I feel like it was a stress relief. Right. Totally. Just like stuff your face with whatever you wanted. I used to black out. Oh shit. Really? I would go to Whole
Heather: Foods and get like everything, like breads and cookies and chips. Oh yeah. No. I would do the same thing.
Yeah. And come home. And then all of a sudden I'm looking at my bed and there's all of this shit everywhere and I don't remember doing it.
Chantel: Yeah. Like
Heather: I do, but it was not me. Yeah. Like it's very, it's scary. It's actually very scary. It is scary. It's a blackout. It is. It's like very similar. You're like dissociating so much.
Mm-hmm. Like, yeah. Not good. That's what I do in sex.
Zoe: Yeah. Mm-hmm. Yeah, I understand that. So that was like your eating disorder came first before your drinking. Yeah. Was that like the same with you then?
Chantel: I think they kind of started
Zoe: together.
Chantel: Together. Mm-hmm. Together, right. Yeah. Because if I hadn't had started drinking, um, I don't think that would've [01:28:00] been an issue.
Oh, interesting. If I'm gonna be honest,
Heather: were you aware of calories in drinking? Yeah. No, I was. You were? Okay. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That makes sense. Yeah, you can't, you can't have both. Like you literally can't drink sugar and be skinny, so you just like have to do whatever you can to somehow do both. Yeah. Holy shit.
Yeah. And then when did, I mean, I don't know what stage of your recovery you are in for eating, but did that eventually get better? Did you recover from that? It did. It got
Chantel: a lot. It lightened up quite a bit. Okay. Like in my early twenties. And then obviously before, like for any
Heather: reason in particular, well I got pregnant.
Okay.
Chantel: Right? Mm-hmm. So it was like, this is not, this can't, and at the time it wasn't so bad, like in my prime, like the worst was like throwing up every single day. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Right. And then it would kind of like ease out maybe once a week kind of thing. And then I got pregnant and it was like, okay, this needs to stop.
Heather: Wow. And it
Zoe: did that pregnancy, like saved you from drinking, from having an eating disorder. It really,
Heather: yeah. It's weird though, isn't [01:29:00] it? Yeah. Like my mom said, my mom used to drink a lot of wine and when she got pregnant with me and my sister, she like. Did not, she was like disgusted by wine. Mm-hmm. Like, hated it.
I'm like, there's something really weird and tricky about it where it's like, you're fine. Now. Did you find that, like after you gave birth, were you like, oh, I haven't drank for nine months. I'm gonna be okay?
Chantel: Yeah, but I was like very quick to, I think it was a couple weeks later that I went out with my ex and we like went have fun and got drunk and like, you get drunk so quick.
Mm-hmm. Um, but that tolerance, it was funny just to be able to like, turn it off.
Heather: Yeah.
Chantel: And then turn it back on again. Yeah. You're like, okay, we're back. Right? Yeah. My kid
Zoe: is born and we're back.
Chantel: And we're back. Yeah. Let's get right back into it. Yeah. You did the
Zoe: eating disorder come right back too with the drinking after?
It didn't, honestly. Yeah. No. Oh, nice. Which is
Chantel: surprising. Yeah. It didn't. And then, uh, when things got really bad, as I've explained, it kind of was like. Hit or miss. Iffy. Yeah. It's a default. Yes. Yeah, it's definitely something, another layer that I worked on, um, in rehab. Mm-hmm. And breaking [01:30:00] down all those walls and mm-hmm.
Getting to the, the real issues on what's causing the trauma.
Heather: Yeah. Right. Did you, 'cause we do have, like, I have like clear traumas, like I know them. Um, do you know your clear traumas or is it a lifelong
Chantel: kind of thing? I do. Mm-hmm. When I went back into rehab and we really sat down and broke them all down, um, I have some very clear traumas Yeah.
From when I was a kid. Okay. Um, I don't, I can get into them a little bit. I don't Whatever you're comfortable with. Yeah. I know. It's so much. Uh, yeah. So when I was a kid, yeah. Uh, my parents separated very young. Okay. My dad was very abusive. My whole physically Yes. Was mentally Was he alcoholic? I don't know.
That's a good question. It's something I've asked my mom and she seems to say no, but ah. She's not really sure. Maybe he was good at hiding it, maybe, right? Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Um, so I, they, yeah, they separated very young. Um, I maybe spent [01:31:00] a weekend a month with them. Mm-hmm. I have a, a younger brother too. Mm. Um, and then at some point in the course of that, I was sexually assaulted by one of the family members.
And that was something that really, I think just like started something, something very deep inside of me.
Zoe: A hundred percent. The
Chantel: eating, the, the drinking. Um, I remember I'd, I would be so good at lying, even as a kid, just to protect myself. Mm-hmm. Like, I'd have to keep that. It was so shameful all of that that happened.
I have to keep it away from my mom. I'd have to h like, hide it from my brother. Like just becoming so good at, mm-hmm. At being a liar. Yeah. As a kid. Yeah. To save yourself surviv, it's survival mode. Right? Yeah. Um, how
Heather: old were you when that happened? So
Chantel: I must have been like. 10, 11, 12. Yeah. Yeah. So
Heather: scary.
Chantel: And so that's something I kept so close to my chest and didn't tell anybody my entire life.
So I was able to obviously tell my [01:32:00] therapist and really break down those things. Was that the first time you said it was that? Rehab. Rehab. Wow. Wow. Good for you. Holy shit. Shit. Oh, that must have felt, I'll tell you the craziest part. Okay. So my therapist, he said, well, how do you wanna deal with this? Mm.
And I said, fuck, I don't know. Like this is the first time I'm saying it out loud. He's like, well, do you, do you have contact with your dad's side of the family? I'm like, no, not really. Like I've got like an aunt or mm-hmm. To that I still sometimes speak to, but like, no, I haven't spoken to anyone in a long time.
He said, this was on Christmas Eve. He said, get the number. We're making a call.
Zoe: I love Ian. My God, my heart is like, it gets crazy. I'm very
Chantel: scared. I was terrified. Mm-hmm. I said, what do you mean? He said, we're gonna call in and confront. We're just. We're gonna say that we know what happened.
Zoe: Mm.
Chantel: You don't want anything from the situation.
You just wanna say it out loud and then you wanna move on with your life. Damn. And so that's what we did. Were you so scared? I was. You called that person shaking. Yep. Holy, holy shit. Shaking. He was sitting right [01:33:00] beside me. I called immediately, um, answered. They then wanted to FaceTime. This is my, by the way, uh, I'm looking at Ian, like, what the fuck do I do?
He's like, just answer it. Like, just do it. So I just basically picked up the phone and was like, look, I'm not calling to catch up. I don't really give a shit what's going on with your life. I just want to let you know that I know that you sexually assaulted me when I was a kid. Wow. Yeah. And, uh, my took the phone and, and immediately walked away and was like.
It's not that I don't believe you, it's just that I wish you would've said something sooner. Oh my God, I have chills. I know. And then I can't remember exactly what happened, but, but, um, Ian just said, okay, it's time to hang up. Like you've done what you needed to do. And I sat there and I was shaking and I'm just looking at him and he just cracks a smile and said to me, well, you ruined someone's Christmas.
Yeah, you did. Yeah. You fucking did. Good.
Heather: [01:34:00] Good. And forever and ever.
Zoe: How did you feel after that? Like, did you feel like relieved or did you I did completely. I was terrified though. Yeah. And,
Chantel: and he, as he told me, he, he was so many feelings of like everything, you know, he said, you're gonna go through a string of emotions.
Yeah. You're gonna be on a high for a couple days, you're gonna dip down to a low. Mm-hmm. Thank God you're here. Thank God we dealt with that. Mm-hmm. Because I truly think that is like the biggest piece to you. Mm-hmm. Fully being in recovery mm-hmm. And becoming the person you wanna be. To be able to say that out loud to.
Person, your abuser, the person who did it Yeah. Is next level. Right. Wow. It's like, I'm sorry, I'm so emotional. That's so fucking cool that you did. That's
Heather: fucking crazy. It's like, that's crazy to me. Yeah. Like, I'm so proud of you and like, like I don't, and I also will say that I'm sure you know, 'cause you're in therapy, but you're saying that to you immediately putting like the responsibility and blame on you mm-hmm.
Is so traumatizing, retraumatizing. And I just like [01:35:00] want you to know that and like, I know people have told you I'm sure, but you're so brave and like that's incredible. You, that's something I don't think I could do. And it's like, I think about it, things we think about doing to these people and it's like, damn.
Yeah. Good
Chantel: for you. It was, it was very powerful and yeah, it was a lot of ups and downs for a few days after, but. Yeah. I mean it was amazing. I remember talking to Ian a few months after I was out of rehab and he just said to me like, you know, thank you Yeah. For allowing me to be a part of that experience.
Yeah.
Heather: Yeah. Big fucking swing Ian. Right? A huge swing. Big swing babe. That was so, that's insane. It is. She's also crazy. He is crazy. Is he an addict? Right? Oh, she, oh yeah. She's like, let's really stir the pot. Let's get on Christmas. You call
Zoe: him. Yeah.
Heather: He's calls or we confront, like
Zoe: I hope I would be that type of the therapist, you know?
Yeah. That is action driven and that is what like yeah. Addicts need. Wow. That's, oh my God. I hope my
Heather: therapist doesn't listen to this and tell me to do that. 'cause [01:36:00] I'm not doing it. I'm not
Chantel: doing
Heather: it.
Chantel: But that's honestly, it's what I needed. Yeah. That was what I needed to get me to the next chapter and like really open things up and start and yeah.
Being
Zoe: able to do that in rehab when you are so vulnerable.
Heather: Is
Zoe: exactly what you need. That's incredible. Because
Heather: I'm assuming you didn't really know the reason you're drinking, the reason you're restricting, you don't really know. You're not making that connection. It kind of feels separate. Yep. But yeah, going to rehab, that's why rehab's so important.
It's therapy bootcamp. You're gonna get to what the fuck happened. Yeah. And like I'm two years outta rehab and I'm like, still, it's like there's so many things that are still coming up about it. Mm-hmm. That I'm like, holy shit. Like, you know? But it's good. It's really fucking good. Let's wrap up a little bit.
Where can we find in good company?
Chantel: Yeah. So why in good company?
Heather: What's the name? Yeah.
Chantel: So in good company, just really meaning you are in good company. Mm-hmm. Whether you're choosing not to drink, whether you are supplementing with [01:37:00] something, help healthier, you're truly just in good company. Love it. Love it.
Right.
Heather: What would your advice be to moms? Mm-hmm.
Chantel: Who are struggling? I think find someone you can, you can reach out to and you can speak to openly.
Zoe: Mm-hmm.
Chantel: Um, because you can't do these things on your own. You're not gonna do them on your own. Nobody has, nobody will. Mm-hmm. And so if you can find someone who can help support you, doesn't matter who it is.
Heather: Yeah. Mm-hmm. I think you're a great testament to that. 'cause you said at the beginning you're like, if I want something, I'm gonna go get it. Mm-hmm. And like even you, you could have been like, no, I just won't drink. I'll do it myself. And it's like, even like the strongest people that are sitting in front of us are like, no, fuck, you can't do it yourself.
You can't, you, you absolutely
Chantel: cannot. No. So, yeah. So find a therapist, find a friend. Just reach out. Mm-hmm.
Zoe: Yeah.
Chantel: Reach out. 'cause it, it will get better.
Zoe: Yeah. You don't need to do it on your own either. Like a lot of people think that you need to do it on your own. You absolutely don't need to. No. There's so many people here to help and support you for a reason.
Call someone, listen to. Sure. If [01:38:00] someone wants to help, listen to or listen to us and DM us
Chantel: to Yeah. And then, okay. And then you can also find us on our website. Um, and then we are a ton of locations across Canada here in
Heather: sober market. Got a
Chantel: store. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We've got a store
Heather: locator online, so Okay, perfect.
In good company. Yeah. Okay. Well, Chantel, thank you so much for coming this Incredible, this was so good. Our five hour conversation. That was great. And we're very proud of you. Thank you. Proud of you. You, I'm proud of you. Thank you.
Zoe: I'm proud of you. Proud of you.
Heather: Bye bye.
Thanks for listening to Girl Undrunk. You can follow us on Instagram and TikTok at Girl Undrunk podcast. And or send me an email at heather@girlundrunk.com. Woo.
Zoe: Wow. That was a long one. That was a long one. Shit.
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