#24: Welcome to the Womanhood

Heather and Zoe dig into their old rehab binders—flipping through worksheets, notes, and reflections that shaped their earliest days of sobriety. They revisit what still resonates, what makes them cringe, and how those pages continue to inform their journeys today.

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Welcome to the Womanhood: Transcript

Heather: [00:00:00] This podcast covers sensitive topics that may be difficult for some listeners. Please take care while listening.

Should we get a little mocky going? 

Zoe: Let's do it. Okay. It's nine o'clock. That means we need a Mocktail 

Heather: 9:00 AM It's 9:00 AM Babies Mocktail time. Okay. So again, this week, Ednas, we're bringing her back. We love her so much. Today we're doing the mojito. Did you like an alcoholic mojito? I loved it. You're gonna say loved it.

I liked every kind of alcohol. I loved everything. I liked it all. I actually didn't like a mojito because I don't like salad in my drinks. I don't like it. It's as if like something flew in there and now I'm like, oh, and it I don't like. Yeah, but you're 

Zoe: not, maybe you were having like mojitos where they crunched up the.

Leafs [00:01:00] too much and you were drinking the leaves? 

Heather: Well, it just depends. Like sometimes there's more, sometimes there's less, but I'm just kind of like, ah, mint. Yeah. But, but it's not like a, it's not a leafy, it's a minty. Yeah, it's a leaf. Yeah, I guess so. Okay, so Edna's surf cold over ice. Let's try these. 

Zoe: The moji, my boyfriend was drinking non-alcoholic mojitos last weekend.

Heather: Oh 

Zoe: yeah. With the, he drank two of them. Oh my god. Crazy boy. Cheers. 

Heather: With the, um, did he get, put mint in them? 

Zoe: Yep. There was mint in them. 

Heather: So what would a non-alcoholic mojito for him look like? 

Zoe: I mean, whatever this is. I know, but he was making them, was he 

Heather: making them? Oh, he bought them. He, 

Zoe: we, uh, went out to this like fancy dinner.

What is, is, 

Heather: is, 

Zoe: is in this 

Heather: gin. It doesn't 

Zoe: seem rum. Rum extract, rum extract mint and lime. I mean, it sounds great. I'm excited. Did you try it already? Mm-hmm. Okay.

Okay. I like it. [00:02:00] I like it too. Again, you don't really like, it doesn't taste like alcohol. No. Which I do like, 

Heather: we're two for two with Edna's now. 

Zoe: Edna's. Okay. 

Heather: I, if you wanna try, if you wanna try Edna's mocktails, go over to edna's cocktails.com and type in Code Edna's 10 for 10% off. Thanks, Edna. We've tried the Paloma and the Mojito so far and I'm thrilled.

I like them both. Mm-hmm. I saw weapons last night. 

Zoe: Oh my God. You did? Yeah. That was uh, I watched it last weekend. That was good. It was really good. I like it a lot. I'm into that. Did you watch it as a theater? Mm-hmm. Yeah. With who? 

Heather: By myself. By yourself? Yeah. I like to go. I like to go alone. I don't like to, I used to 

Zoe: go alone to the movies all the time 

Heather: also.

'cause I hate being on other people's schedules when I'm going to the movie. Yeah. I hate it. Especially if I'm like in traffic. I'm just like, no, I'll just get there by myself. Fuck it. That's nice. Do you eat a popcorn? Uh huh. Fuck yeah. Layered butter. No. No. Too much. Too much. I don't. Um, yeah, it starts to give me a headache after a while.

Okay. And then I just feel really gross. Yeah. But I [00:03:00] fucking love popcorn. Yeah. Fuck yeah. It's good. I never eat like any of it though. And then I feel weird. I'm like, do I just throw it out? 

Zoe: But I'm excited for watching more scary movies. Me 

Heather: too. It's spooky season. It's time. There's more. I wanna see the Long Walk.

I wanna see Shuffle. But Shuffle. We can't really watch. I wanna see Shuffle probably because it's like an American thing, but Shuffle is cool. Shuffle is about, well you guys let me know if you've heard about this, but I've only heard of it as like the Florida Shuffle, but I guess shuffle in terms of like rehab and addiction.

I think it's like more than just Florida, which of course it is. Mm-hmm. But what I know about Shuffle, the like concept of it is basically rehabs in Florida are just profiting off of. Addicts. Mm-hmm. And you're not actually giving them the help they need, and you're kind of just, they're in a rotation, so you're just shuffling people from rehab to rehab and then they're just making money.

Zoe: Yeah. And I wonder if it's because like in Florida there's lots of like rich addicts who can just, like, their mommy and daddies can just keep paying and paying. Yeah. You know? 

Heather: It's [00:04:00] true. That's probably true. And then I also bet there's like government support. Yeah. And then they're not really keeping track of anybody, so, yeah.

Except for, you know, people with specific last names and they'll hunt you right down. God. 

Zoe: Yeah. So is that supposed to be a scary movie though? No. No. No. It's, it's a documentary. It's a documentary. Okay, cool. Yeah. 

Heather: And, and Arian was asking me too, she's like, I don't know if that happens here. Like, 'cause everything is so different with our healthcare and funding and how things work.

So I don't know how different the rehab system is here than over there. 

Zoe: Mine was definitely not a luxury rehab. Yours like presented as it was, but it was all fake. 

Heather: Yeah. But we did have like our own rooms and our own bathrooms and like it was nice. Was yours, yours is like a building, right? Like mine was a cottage?

Zoe: Yeah. What was yours? Mine was like a build, like two, three buildings. Okay. I think one building for the boys, one building for the girls, and then a conjoined. 

Heather: Okay. Like sister wives? Yeah, like Aous family. 

Zoe: And if you didn't pay extra, you were [00:05:00] roomed with someone else and that room didn't have a tv so you would have to watch TV in like the common area.

Oh. But if you paid more, then you got a room by yourself and a tv. 

Heather: Was there a bathroom in that room? 

Zoe: No. Oh. Shared bathrooms. So what 

Heather: did you have? 

Zoe: I got my own room. Yeah, I did too. 

Heather: I didn't know. I didn't know. And like the difference of pay, I mean it is a lot, but. I think it 

Zoe: was an extra thousand to get your own room.

Heather: I think ours was like, I think ours was like the base, the, the, the smallest was like two of you in a room. Mm-hmm. No bathroom in the room. That was like one price. And then it was like 5,000 more for like your own room, but shared bathroom and then 5,000 more for your room in a, in a bathroom. And you got that one?

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I think actually those ones were the only ones available when I was going. Got it. But I'm like, that's fine. 'cause I also didn't know, like, I didn't know what rehab was gonna be. I was like, am I gonna be with a bunch of like detoxing meth heads? Yeah. And I'm gonna be like in the corner, like trying to, you know?

Yeah. Like my life [00:06:00] got sober. I know it wasn't like that at all. 

Zoe: Well, when I pulled up to my rehab, I heard like screaming. Yeah. So like that was a bad sign. Do you know what that was? I have no idea. Mm-hmm. I think like there was some people who were deaf losing it. Like losing it. Yeah. So it probably was someone just like.

Crying maybe. Maybe the scream, maybe the cry sounded like a scream. 

Heather: Yeah. Did you have anyone come in that was going through detox? Like as they were coming in? Anyone like really struggling? 

Zoe: There was one guy who I think got brought to the hospital. Mm-hmm. Yeah. I don't know exactly why, but he went and it was like a whole drama Who?

Drama and rehab. So fun. Someone at my 

Heather: rehab died. 

Zoe: Yes. Mm-hmm. '

Heather: cause she, I wasn't there. It, it's, I mean, it's in the article, but it's like she has epilepsy. When you're detoxing from alcohol, you can have seizures, so you need to be watched all the time. She wasn't, she had a seizure. She died and hours and hours and [00:07:00] hours later an ambulance was called.

It's actually so crazy. It's really crazy. I think about it all the time that I'm just like, we put. So much. We put everything, I put all of my trust, my parents trust. Yeah. Everything into this facility. All you have to do at a rehab is your fucking job. Yeah. All you have to do is see a person for 30 days and then they go Yeah.

And talk to them and therapize them and make them better. That's all you have to fucking do. Like it's not that hard, but when you start fucking with people's drugs and taking Adderall and staying up all night and wanting to party together rather than check on. 

Zoe: Yeah. But that's where your rehab was not like a legit place.

Like it was kind of fucked up, but that, 

Heather: but it is a legit place. Yeah. They all are like, I know. You don't have to be under the government like supervised. Yeah. You can start a reading and that's where the rules 

Zoe: like get blurry though. Yeah. Yeah. Because 

Heather: junkies and addicts are often othered, so it's like who cares what's going on with them.

[00:08:00] They got themselves there. Yeah. I'm sure it's not gonna be a great recovery, but like. You made your bed. It's like, no, no. 

Zoe: I think when I was detoxing, someone came in every hour. 

Heather: Oh really? 

Zoe: Yeah. 

Heather: Yeah. Were you detoxing hard or were you okay? 

Zoe: I was mostly just like sweating and having bad dreams. Yeah. And like throwing up and like not, weren't throwing up eating weren.

Yeah, yeah. Yeah. There was, I was reading one page of my thing and uh, something like I threw up after intentions, which like, we did intentions every morning. Okay. I don't know. 

Heather: You threw up after intentions. Yeah. 

Zoe: She was throwing up a lot. Think what? The first 

Heather: week, 

Zoe: I think. Yeah. 

Heather: I wasn't really throwing up.

I was good. My detox was fine. 

Zoe: Well, because you weren't drinking before you went. 

Heather: I drank the day before I went. I just didn't drink that morning. 

Zoe: That morning. Yeah. Got it. 

Heather: But my, my detox was never like my withdrawal, it wouldn't have lasted that long. Right. But some people said, but also you were drinking harder than me.

Like [00:09:00] you were drinking. Hard liquor. True. And I feel like there's gotta be a difference. That's true. It's be difference. My friend, my, my friend Kayla, she, when, when she fucking goes through withdrawal, it is coming from her toes. Yeah. And her toes are in hell. Yeah. Like it is vile. Yeah. But I'm not really like that.

I'll just, I don't know. Maybe I would just softly die. 

Zoe: Goodnight everybody. 

Heather: Okay. Zoe, how are you? How's your mental health? 

Zoe: My mental health? I didn't even think about this. How am I doing? I guess there's just like a lot going on and trying to like manage everything. Mm-hmm. I am going to London, England next week.

Yeah. So I think just trying to get everything done so I can just go there and then not think about anything else. Yeah. Um, so yeah, just trying to make it to then and staying like steady paced and under control. Um, do you have any nerves 

Heather: about traveling to London by yourself? [00:10:00] No, I don't. The plane doesn't bother you.

No, it's good. I actually, 

Zoe: I do need advice on how to sleep on that flight though. I might need like a melatonin or something. I was gonna say, are 

Heather: you cool with melatonin? 

Zoe: I haven't taken it 

Heather: ever. Is this okay? Yeah, I mean, it, it, it is really nice and if you've never taken it, it'll probably really work. Okay.

Um, I need it. An over. Can you gimme some? Yeah. Yeah. Thank you. I'm a pharmacy. You. I'm a pharmacist. Perfect. People are so responsible with their drugs when they're not addicts. Yeah. It's crazy. Can it be me? No. I'm like, you have oxy. Yeah. You have whatever in your cabinet. I want that. You have a Xanax in there, you're not taking it all day.

Zoe: Yeah. I think like, I just have never wanted to, like, even when I was in rehab, everyone would be like, so do you want melatonin to sleep? And I was like, no. Like I don't really want to. 'cause I, they were giving us Trazodone to sleep. Really? Which is like 

Heather: so intense. Oh my god. People were throwing up on that too.

Zoe: Yeah. But I do wanna take something for that flight because I do have to be okay in the morning. So I leave at like [00:11:00] 10:00 PM and then I land at 10:00 AM London time. 

Heather: Are you, um, are you good sleeping on flights? 

Zoe: Well, Maddie has this like neck pillow thing that I think I'm gonna ask her to use. Okay. Like this, that mixed with a melatonin.

I think I should be okay. 

Heather: Okay. 

Zoe: Yeah, I 

Heather: think you should be fine too. You seem like someone who would get like nice and cozy. Yeah. Are you on an aisle? No idea. What do you mean? 

Zoe: What do you mean? No idea? I just pick my seats when I check in the day before I fly cheap. 

Heather: Oh my God. Oh my God. Wait, so wait. When you book your flight, it doesn't immediately take you to the seats.

I 

Zoe: think it like will choose it like when I check 

Heather: in the night before. Oh my God. I'm al I choose choosing. I'm choosing. What if you get trapped in the middle? I think if 

Zoe: you choose 

Heather: it when you book it, you have to pay my extra, right? I don't know. Maybe it depends on the flight or whatever. I can't remember.

But what if you're in the middle then I'm in the middle. 

Zoe: Okay. I had a thought about you yesterday. I also don't check my [00:12:00] bag. I only do a carry on. That's fine. That's great. Love that for you. And I've never like leveled up my seat. Like I've never done that. You've never been upgraded. I've never paid more to like level it up at all.

Once you do. 

Heather: It's really hard to come back. 

Zoe: It's because my parents have 

Heather: never, you know. Yeah. My parents are, we didn't either. Cheap as fuck. Well, my dad didn't fly when we were growing up. Yeah. My dad's afraid of flying. So if we did fly, which was so seldom it would be me, my mom, my sister, and coach. Yeah.

And then when I was flying New York, Boston, that was always just Porter. Yeah. And then with my ex, we went to London and we got bumped up to first and I was like, 'cause I think I had paid for premium or something. Okay. So it's like a little extra leg room. Yeah. But we got bumped up and I was like, oh fuck.

I'm like, this is, yeah. This is the height of luxury. This is what I want. Yeah. And so now every time I fly I am like, can I, or like me and my sister, we flew first in October, [00:13:00] but we hadn't flown in like three years. And we're like, she was like, okay, well let's save up for this and then we'll just fly. It's like going to, it's like going on, um, air Emirates.

I'm like, it's like. $10,000, $15,000. It's crazy. It's just like why 

Zoe: I would, I can't justify paying like an extra $5,000 just to be a little bit more comfy on the flight. 

Heather: I know you say that and then you find out just how much more comfy you are. 

Zoe: But when I'm a millionaire, sure. I'll do it. Right. Yeah. But like right now, no.

So yeah. I'm, I'm fine. Mm-hmm. I feel like I'm steady. I miss my boyfriend. I won't see him for another two weeks, which is sad, but it's fine. It's fine. I'm fine. Um, I would say I'm like a six. Hey, love 

Heather: a six. That's not bad. Yeah. 

Zoe: What about you? How are you feeling? What's going on in the heather brain? Uh, I'm kind of tired and annoyed.

Yeah. 

Heather: Um, 

Zoe: I'm good. 

Heather: Tired and annoyed. Yeah. There's [00:14:00] just a lot. There's a lot to do. Have you been sleeping? Good. Good. Yeah, but I'm waking up really tired. Yeah. So I don't know. I'm not really feeling rested. Right. There's so much going on and sometimes I just wanna be like, you know what? Everyone get away.

Yeah. Not you. No, but I'm fine. I would say I'm like at a five. I feel like nothing is like terrible. Nothing is like fantastic or things are both, and I'm just like, well just sit in the middle here. I'm good. 

Zoe: Yeah. It seems like a weird time. I think it's weird for me too, because I'm getting my period like tomorrow or the next day probably too.

So it's just like I feel a little bit groggy. Is that, is that what it is? I mean, I'm definitely getting my period on probably Sunday. Let's see, let's see what my birth control says. 

Heather: Oh, it's a 22nd. Yeah, I'm getting it on Tuesday. It's coming. This is why. Yeah. That's why I'm in a real mode. Yeah, we're just, we're fine.

Fine. Um, uh, you know who's not fine? Lil Nas? Lil Nas X Thursday morning, August 21st, around five 50. Mm-hmm. Am [00:15:00] Nas. That's Heather time. What are you doing up, are you preparing for a podcast? He's out on Ventura Boulevard. Is that what it's called? Ventura? Mm-hmm. In la walking down the street. Strutting down the street.

He was seen with, um, a traffic cone on his head. Yeah, he was in his little undies and cowboy boots. And I mean, the video, I'm like giggling, but the, he's just so cute and sweet and I love him, but I'm like, NAS. Yeah. So he's arrested and now he's been brought to the hospital for like a possible overdose.

Zoe: Yeah. 'cause people were like calling the cops and saying There's like a naked man on the street running around. I acting a fool. I wouldn't even know 

Heather: if that it 

Zoe: was 

Heather: nas. Yeah. If you're not expecting it. Like even if it was Beyonce. Yeah. You'd go, well that's not Beyonce. Yeah. That's a cowboy. You know what I mean?

With a cone on her head. But yeah, it um. Earlier that day, I guess he had been seen at a hotel. Mm-hmm. He was not a guest at that hotel and he was in the lobby acting erratically and like talking and [00:16:00] yelling and then taking his shirt off. There's a lot of nudity going on with whatever drug he's on. I mean, he is 

Zoe: like on stage naked at all times, so he is very comfortable with his body.

Heather: But if you're comfortable with yourself on stage, like that's a performance. Yeah. You're not then like a nudist. But yeah, performing on the stage is different. It's a very different thing than walking 

Zoe: around at 5:00 AM naked on the street. Yeah, I agree. 

Heather: Yeah, that's very different. And that's not like a, oh well, you know, I'm just wanted to be free.

It's like, this is drugs. This is you not understanding. Yeah. 

Zoe: He didn't look terrible in the video. Like he didn't look strung out. No, I didn't 

Heather: think. I'm assuming he's doing, I'm assuming he is doing poly drugs. Yeah. Like I'm assuming it's multiple, like Yeah. What makes you happy like that? Like coke, meth?

Ketamine. I'm assuming they're all on ketamine, by the way. Yeah. So I'm assuming just that mixture. No. 'cause he wasn't violent. No. He was just like out and about, like he was having a good time, but it wasn't, but he wasn't in his [00:17:00] head. Yeah. You could tell he wasn't there. No, no. He was fully on something. But when I read the thing that was like he, they took him to the hospital for a possible overdose.

I'm like, I don't think that he's, I overdosing. Think he's 

Zoe: overdosing. I think they just need to like put him somewhere. Yeah. Because he's famous and like, I think they needed to control the situation. Well 

Heather: I also think like there's just so much stigma around drug use and like miseducation that like that is a drug trip.

Mm-hmm. Like that's not a drug overdose. Yeah. I think, I don't know what the definition of overdose is, but it takes you the fuck out. Mm-hmm. He wasn't passed out on the street. No. He was very cognizant. The thing about the story that I find that gives me pause is he's seen earlier that in the day at a hotel, like in the middle of the day 

Zoe: mm-hmm.

Heather: At a hotel, people know who he is. He's being erratic, he's acting like he's on drugs. It's similar to me, to Liam Payne. Mm-hmm. And that whole saga. Yeah. It's like we're we're, we're running it back now and we're reverse engineering. Where did this start? Who has seen him today? When [00:18:00] did your friends last see you?

He, there was something he was dealing with this past year with like his mental health. He had like some facial paralysis that happened. Okay. That could be multiple things. That could be. Reaction to drugs. Yeah. Also, a lot of people get it when they're stressed the fuck out. True. And your brain just goes like, I'm gonna put this part of my body to sleep.

Zoe: Yeah. It's also weird that he was at a hotel in LA because wouldn't he have a house in la? But I feel like they're always doing that. Yeah, they're always at a hotel. They're always at 

Heather: a hotel. There must be something vibey about like going to the hotel that makes them feel like rich. Or maybe if you're like me and your house is a mess, you just wanna like get 

Zoe: out of the house.

That's also true. I also did love. Or you wanna party? I don't know. Yeah, I did go to a lot of hotels when I was getting fucked up too. Mm. I don't What were you doing? Well, I guess like in Sarnia, I wasn't wanting to get fucked up at my house with a bunch of guys over like, 'cause my parents were there, so we would just like end up at a hotel room.

Heather: Mm-hmm. You and a bunch of guys. 

Zoe: Well, me and like [00:19:00] my boyfriend. Well there was one time me and my boyfriend and his friend got a hotel room and we all started having sex. 

Heather: Oh 

Zoe: yeah. 

Heather: Was it fun? 

Zoe: We were all on coke. 

Heather: Was it fun? Like, did you initiate, like, were you like, let's do this, this is fun. And then it was like, yeah, 

Zoe: looking back on it, it was not fun at all.

Mm-hmm. But like, I guess in the moment I thought it was fun. Okay. Do 

Heather: you regret that? Yeah. 

Zoe: I don't regret it. Yeah. But it's just like, 

Heather: ew, it is. Ew. I don't know that there's like, honestly, I don't think there's been one threesome in my life that I like sit back and go, you know what? Fantastic. So thrilled.

I'm like, I know. Cool. It's fine that I did that, but I'm not like that changed my life in any way. Well, it's because we need to have a sober threesome. I don't know if I wanna do that. Yeah. Well, no. Right. Okay. No, I do wanna do that, but not with like strangers. Okay. Not with a stranger. I don't think so. Not right now.

Yeah. I don't know. I'm being so weird with sex right now where I'm like, I don't even know like what I want. I, well, I think Heather is on a celibacy train. I don't know about that, but I [00:20:00] did jerk off twice yesterday. Yeah. Once in my bed. And then I said, you know what this vibrator is? What a proof. I took it in the shower.

Ooh. It's nice. What position in the shower.

Well, I start standing 'cause I'm a soldier. Okay. And then eventually I, I either sit on that little bench Yeah. Or I just go on my knees. Go on your knees. Yeah. 'cause then I'm gonna, you know, I don't wanna fall down, hit my head. Oh, it's nice. And then the water. Okay. Because I have like a rain shower. Nice.

That sounds magical. I know. I love to shower. I love a shower. She loves to be clean. Let's go back. He's walking around a hotel and I just a, I'm a little bit like the perception I have of Hollywood and musicians and these famous people is that they have groupies with them all the time. Groupies, liaisons, people like security.

Mm-hmm. I assume that they're with them. I know in Liam Payne's case there was a lot of people around. Yeah. I don't know Nas like, I don't know if he was by himself, but I'm just like, [00:21:00] if people in LA are reporting that he's at this hotel, why doesn't anyone come and get him? Well, you can't be in a hotel acting, acting erratically.

I think. 

Zoe: The stigma around drugs and like the shame, like everyone's like, oh, like he's fucked up again. But they should have called 

Heather: the cops then at the hotel. 

Zoe: Yeah, 

Heather: they 

Zoe: should 

Heather: have. Yeah. And I don't understand why they didn't, so I don't know what happened with Liam Payne that was in, except Brazil or Spain.

That was somewhere around there. Yeah. Yeah. I wanna 

Zoe: say Barbados, but it's definitely not Barbados. Barcelona maybe, 

Heather: but I, I don't know if they're co, but I'm just like, what is this pattern? Yeah. Of people acting erratically or maybe before they kill themselves or before they, you know, have overdose, a drug overdose or like fall 

Zoe: off a balcony.

Heather: Yeah, exactly. Or crash their car. Like there's always behavior that leads up to it that I'm 

Zoe: like, maybe the people at the hotel are so used to seeing people getting fucked up and they don't wanna call the cops again because it's like, oh, this guy is just fucked up again. Like, here we go. 

Heather: That's a good point.

Like they've 

Zoe: called the cops too many times and nothing has come out of it, so they're [00:22:00] like, okay, whatever. 

Heather: That's a good point. We're also like. In la mm-hmm. At like a nice, you know, like a posh hotel. I would be probably quite, well no in any situation if, if there isn't like a violent situation going on.

Mostly just like a mental health. I don't know if I'm calling the cops on a black gentleman. Yeah. I don't know if I'm doing that. That feels, yeah. I don't wanna, I add more harm to this situation and I wonder what you said. Maybe it is a desensitization. Yeah. They're seeing this shit all the time or, yeah.

If it's a little bit like, what am I supposed to do? I don't. Yeah. And if people know it's Nas, you're like, well, isn't this what you guys do? Like you guys just do drugs and they just party all the time. That's what artists do. Yeah. But I'm like, I think that he's only 26 years old. Yeah. He's, he's a child.

Yeah. Yeah. A little baby. Like na na come to the 

Zoe: other side come so Well, I'm assuming he will. 

Heather: Well, you asked me this morning, you're like, do you think he'll go to rehab? Mm-hmm. I'm like, he'll probably go for the look. Yeah. And then he'll probably go again eventually when he is like, ready. [00:23:00] Yeah. But like Pete.

Like Pete. Yeah. We'll get into Pete. Mm-hmm. But I, I don't know. I hope he's okay. It just feels like you get to a place where now you're walking around naked. This isn't just a weird drug trip. This is like, you've been going and going and going. It is not to for sure. Yeah. Like I've 

Zoe: definitely been walking around naked.

Heather: Yeah. Katya talks about this too, that Katya was like running down fucking like Santa Monica Boulevard, naked on meth. Mm-hmm. Yeah. And like just anytime you're outside unclothed 

Zoe: Yeah, it does. It takes a few steps Yes. To get naked on the street years probably. Yeah. Yeah. And, 

Heather: and, and depression and anxiety and all these things.

Something where you are taking drugs to get yourself out of your own body and head. Yeah. The, the drug trip isn't the problem. Yeah. It's all the stuff leading up to it. And I just am like, where is your mom? But okay, um, pd. Let's go to pd. Let's go to pd. Because we 

Zoe: have 

Heather: talked about him 

Zoe: before. 

Heather: Yes. We brought up Pete, David, then.

Yeah. And I think kind of in a way that's like, what's going on with Pete? Yeah. 

Zoe: Well, we were like, okay, this is [00:24:00] another time you He went to rehab. Yeah. Like, how many times is he gonna go? 

Heather: Yeah. 

Zoe: Um, is he doing it for the right reasons? Like, is he just getting, going to rehab, getting sober to like be o be forgiven by his community?

Yeah. And be let back into jobs. SNL get jobs. Yeah. That's exactly right. I I, I think a lot of them, that was our standpoint. Like what, two, three months ago? 

Heather: Yeah. And I think that that has been true. Yeah. I think for a lot of them it is true. Like, yeah. As well. We know that like you go to rehab when you're ready.

Yeah. But if you're in the public eye and other people are pushing you to go, you have to go. Yeah. You're not gonna care. Well, a lot of people 

Zoe: too, who get caught like on drugs at work, like they're regulated to go to rehab if they wanna keep the job. So like they go Yeah, but they don't actually want to get sober.

Yeah. And then they have to go again because they're actually ready. Like I know a lot of guys that work in like unions, uhhuh, like construction sites, um, if they're caught with anything, they have the option to go to like a regulated rehab. 

Heather: Oh. If they're caught with [00:25:00] anything. Yeah. That's kind of nice. You don't get in trouble.

You just get Or rehab paid. 

Zoe: Yeah. But 

Heather: probably not like the best one. 

Zoe: I'd be like, can I go to Hawaii? No, I don't think it's the best. No, it's not like a, the best one, but like it's a, at least a place to go to like detox and like have a few, a couple weeks to like chill. 

Heather: Well, my mom had, because my 

Zoe: ex-boyfriend and Sarnia always talked about doing that, but he never did.

Heather: Really? Yeah. My mom had some friends that worked for Coors. Is that Canadian course? Yeah. Is it? Yeah. And um, they would, they would pay for your rehab. Yeah. Like, but they would give you a six pack every Friday and then also and like whatever else. And then they're like, okay, well if you ever need to go to rehab, we pay for it.

Yeah. Which I'm like, you know what? That I kinda like That is good. Occupational hazard. 

Zoe: I 

Heather: think that every like 

Zoe: job should be able to pay for you to go to rehab. Definitely. You know, it should be like in the insurance package. 

Heather: It really should be. I think it makes more sense for alcohol companies 'cause they have to be responsible in that way, [00:26:00] but, and they're the only ones that really understand that like the thing that we're offering.

Yeah. Or the thing that we provide is something people get severely addicted to. Yeah. So other companies are like, well whatcha gonna do, get addicted to smart suites? I don't know. 

Zoe: Um, pd but Pete did kind of admit that too, that he was like going. To like, make everybody happy before, yeah. 

Heather: So Pete Davidson just went on the Breakfast Club podcast.

Um, he's so cute. Immediately I was like, he looks so good. Yeah. I'm like, there's like life in his face. Like he's the, he's a big reason why we like boys who look like they eat cigarettes for breakfast and do drugs. Yeah. But now he's got some life back and I'm like, and now you're like, is my type changing?

Yeah. Um, he, yeah. He goes on and he kind of like, immediately starts off, they're like, how are you? And he's like, I'm good. I'm actually really happy. Finally. Yeah. And I'm sober. And I was like, Petey. Yeah. Like no one even asked you first of all. Yeah. 'cause that's so sweet. I'm like, I like when people are just like, I'm so [00:27:00] open and honest and like Yeah.

Yeah. Which he knows. He knows they're gonna talk to him about that. Yeah. Because it's like been a whole thing. But like Pete now has like a girlfriend who's pregnant. Yeah. Very exciting. It feels like he's kind of Elsie Hewitt. She's beautiful. What, 

Zoe: what is she, she is ki like an actress model. She was in a couple, she was in that show, Dave.

So she's friends with like Dave and like all those other guys I think. Um, who's Selena? Gomez's husband. Benny Blanco. Benny Blanco. Like she's in that like group scene of friends. 

Heather: That's cool. That's a cool scene. 

Zoe: Cool scene. 

Heather: I wonder if Selena and Pete Davidson will become friends. That could be a friendship I could get into.

I think they would be friends, but then maybe they're, they'll decide, well, we missed the boat. The boat. And we should have had a fling. Mm. But pd, he got all his tattoos removed. He was like, you know, I just, he's like, he got into SNL so young. Yeah, he was like 20. Yeah. He's a kid that's like the youngest to do it.

[00:28:00] Mm-hmm. And he got all these accolades immediately. He's like dating Cassie Davidson, David, Davids, Cassie. 

Zoe: Yeah. But Cassie Davis was like a couple years ago. Sure. 

Heather: But it still started. Yeah. Like that's when he first starts talking about how he was being like sexualized in the news of like, oh, like Ariana Grande.

Well, yeah, but first it was Cassie. Was it? Okay. Yeah. And then it's Ariana, and then it's like all these other people. Mm. I can't even think of who else, but there's been so many. 

Zoe: Okay. But yeah, but when he's talking about being sexualized, I'm like, okay, well that's literally every girl's life. Yeah. Every girl's day to day is being sexualized.

He sorry that he got a little bit of it. Yeah. Like I know that's living with tits in an ass every single day. It is. It's your penis isn't on display. Our tits and ass 

Heather: is are on display. The thing is, it's an interesting dichotomy because I also wanna give empathy to him because if we're, if we look at like the grand scheme of things, if a man is like, oh, like I've been sexualized in the media for whatever, whatever.

And having a big dick. Yeah. My immediate thought is, shut [00:29:00] the fuck up. Welcome to the world. Yeah. This is what we've been dealing with. However. That doesn't really get anywhere. Just being like, oh, we don't care about what you've been through because we've all been going through it for years. And by the way, we've been telling you about it for years.

Yeah. And none of you fucking people care. 

Zoe: But also he could have said it in a way of like, I understand that this is what women go through every single day. Like he could have like at least acknowledge that. Like maybe he doesn't his, he doesn't acknowledge it or see. And he doesn't know. He doesn't know.

Well Pete, this is welcome to a womanhood. A womanhood. Yeah. 

Heather: And I did, I did feel if we just take Pete's situation, his specific situation. Yeah. No history, no women, no feminism, nothing. Yeah. Pete came onto the scene in SNL, the youngest to do it. That is so intense to get onto SNL and then just like be thrown into that.

And now you're famous. You're getting all of these tattoos because you're like trying to find a vibe and then people are talking about your giant [00:30:00] dick. And then Ariana went and confirmed it. And I think that like she was trying to do a kindness to him by saying like, yeah, he's got like a huge fucking dick.

But he was like, well, what that does to me now is like, make everyone disappointed when they see my dick or even think about my dick before they even see me. Mm-hmm. And I'm like, yeah, that's a problem. 

Zoe: But that's also like, like imagine a porn star, like Oh yeah. Trying to have sex with regular people, like a porn star, any of us girls.

Yeah. It's crazy. It's, yeah, but that's like to the extreme, you know? Yeah. Like and that's what Pete was. Same thing, I guess. Yeah. And also like I'm sure he has a big dick. Yeah. He's so tall and thin. I'm sure he has a big dick. And even don't men like having a big dick. I don't get it. Like that's the thing.

So if you were say, if someone was saying like, yeah, he has a small penis, I get that. Yeah. That would make him feel so bad. 

Heather: Yeah. Then you'd be like, no, I don't. Yeah. He is nuts. So like, I don't know, it's, [00:31:00] something's not clicking for me that I get it. Again, I don't really want people talking about how tight my pussy is.

Like I don't, yeah. And I know it's different for men and women, of course I get that. But for some, like some people are sensitive to things like that. Some people aren't. Like I, I don't. Yeah. I wouldn't want someone I fuck to be like, oh yeah, tight pussy. I'd be like, that's what you got outta this. You're right.

I get that. I think, and then the world knows about it and I'm just like, now the world knows I'm fucking, and they're thinking about it and I just, I think for a lot of it, yes, of course when we line it up, like Pete Davidson versus Ariana Grande, he's gotten way more like she's a whore and he Yeah. Can do whatever the fuck he wants.

Yeah. He's a whore too. But he fucks really beautiful women. Mm-hmm. And he's really fucking successful. So it, it's a weird dichotomy where I'm like, I wanna have empathy for you because you're an addict and you're in this situation and you're telling your truth. Yeah. At the same time, it falls a little short for me.

Mm-hmm. Because not only have you never fucking mentioned the harassment that we go through, [00:32:00] I also haven't heard any other guy be like, Hey, this happened to me, so don't do it to women. 

Zoe: Yeah, right. I get that. I think I just want him to take a little bit of like. Not accountability, but just like perspective.

Perspective of like, hey, like I get that I went through this Yeah. And it was awful. And I can see Yeah. How other women have to deal with this on a day-to-day basis. Yeah. And I have a lot of empathy for you guys and I respect you guys. Yeah. And like, I'm sorry, 

Heather: I would love for that on the 

Zoe: behalf of all men.

Heather: Yeah. And I would love for that to come out soon. Like I, I get it. If you're in an interview and you're talking about your own personal thing, he has every right to talk about that. Yeah. Because it has been his identity the past decade. He was saying, he's like, people have been talking about my dick for a decade.

Zoe: I also think that, um, he was one of the first people that kind of like had that druggy look. Mm-hmm. And I think he was one of the first guys who were, was hot because of that look. Mm-hmm. Like he was, he got that look to be [00:33:00] popular and mainstream and sexy. 

Heather: Well, Annie had like an autoimmune thing and he's like not really taking care of that.

'cause he's smoking weed all the time. Yeah. And he's drinking and he is doing drugs. 

Zoe: He started that look. And I think that was like a probably a lot of pressure on him to like be the one that everyone wants. Like that is, that is stressful. He 

Heather: also said in the interview that like the SN L cast was like very gracious with him.

Like they were really nice to him, but it was this thing of like, he's this kid who just comes in really young and is just, his sketch was like weekend updates or like, it was like not, he wasn't in sketches right away. Got it. And so it was like this kid just like talking, trying to be funny. Mm-hmm. And he's fucking all these girls and he's like out in the media and it's like, wait, are we serious about comedy or are we not?

And like what are we doing? And so I think for him that felt very much like I'm being pulled in so many directions SNL happened and then no autonomy 

Zoe: over what's he's doing. Yeah. Yeah. 

Heather: And I like Pete Davidson was like little kid, he was like 20 years old when he got on there. Yeah. So I'm like, [00:34:00] you're in New York.

Yeah. I bet you were sexualized a fuck ton. Probably had sex with older women that you really didn't wanna have sex with. Like a hundred percent. So I think that. Acknowledging his autonomy is good and Yeah. You know, I think so too. And um, it's shocking to men when things happen. 

Zoe: It's shocking. I shocking. I really like, wish the best for him.

It seems like he's in a good place. It seems like him, like admitting like, Hey, before I went to, to all these rehabs, like I didn't actually wanna do it. I thought that I could still get away with drinking and doing drugs. Um, yeah. But I know that I can't now. Yeah. I think he does go to meetings. Some of the things he was saying in that clip I saw you could kind of like, it sounded tell that he is in the program.

Okay. Was he using that language or he like, knows about the program? 

Heather: Yeah, 

Zoe: so I'm happy for him. 

Heather: Yeah. Could be. Maybe he's one of yours. I think he might be one of mine. He said something interesting. Well, he said two things that I really liked. Mm-hmm. The first one you'll like this. 'cause he was like, [00:35:00] um, you know, I did all the things.

I was in therapy. Yeah. I was doing all that. And then he goes, but. When you're a drug addict, that doesn't fucking work. I know. He's like, I was showing up to therapy on drugs. Yeah, 

Zoe: same. Same. It doesn't work. Yeah. And I remember therapists telling me that too, that like, this won't work unless like, we get your drinking under control.

So that's why we kept trying to like, make rules about my drinking every week. But that does work. Doesn't work. Love 

Heather: rules. Yeah. I 

Zoe: know. 

Heather: It's really, it it, I like that he said it though, because same, I think when we say it sometimes it's like, oh, fuck you. Yeah. Then it is, it is true. It's true. It, and also I think making a general, making a general statement about addicts and the recovery is kind of okay when it's like therapy doesn't work.

Totally. You have to go to rehab, you have to go somewhere where you can abstain or aa, you have to admit that you're powerless. Yeah. Which is what you always say. Mm-hmm. Yeah. I think that that was just a very true statement and it hit [00:36:00] me hard that it was like, 

Zoe: yeah. Yeah, because that's what, like we say, that's what everyone says.

It's. It's nice to know, but he is just one of us, you know? 

Heather: Must be really fucking frustrating 'cause you did this more than I did. Mm-hmm. 'cause I was going to therapy with a coffee cup full of wine. Yeah. But I wasn't working on my drinking. Yeah. I wasn't talking about drinking. I was talking about relationships or true.

Or jobs. Like I You were, you weren't admitting that you drank too much. No. No. Fuck no. Mind you, I'm drinking in therapy at 10:00 AM 

Zoe: Yeah. I probably had like at least five different therapists that I was like trying to like get better and like control my drinking with. But 

Heather: see that's what's frustrating and it must be frustrating to go to therapy and be like, okay, I have good intentions.

No one's going to therapy initially being like, I'm gonna manipulate the system for $160. Mm-hmm. A week. Yeah. No one's doing that. So I think you do go in with good intentions and you're like, I want the best for me and my body and my life. And you can kind of see, but see it. But then when you're there 

Zoe: and like when you go home, [00:37:00] it's like you can't.

It's not gonna work. No, it doesn't. And then you try. So if you are, like, if you are an alcoholic, like 

Heather: just, you gotta, you gotta stop it. Well, yeah. And if you're in therapy and it's just not fucking working, that's get sober first. Yeah. And then go back to therapy. There's a reason it's not working. Yeah. And that's okay.

It's okay to exhaust your options. We're just here to tell you that at the end of the rope you'll be with us in rehab. 

Zoe: Like it, you're not doing a bad job at therapy, like you're not getting it. Mm-hmm. Because you're still drinking. Yeah. Like you can't get it if you're still drinking and going to therapy.

You have to stop drinking and then go to therapy and then it will click for you. 

Heather: Yep. It's so fucking hard to do. But that, that is the scary fact. Yeah. But that is true. Yeah. You, you have to, therapy isn't gonna work. And I really just like that he said that and he was trying. Yeah. 

Zoe: We were all trying. You said there was something else that you liked.

Heather: Yeah. So he, oh yeah. He said he'd, he'd. He would do drugs. He'd go to therapy on drugs and leave therapy and be like, I'm doing better. I'm getting better. Yeah. And you're like, yeah, the delusion [00:38:00] on the way home from therapy. I was like, well, I'm drinking now, but like this is a celebration. 'cause I just like talked it all my feelings.

Exactly. I'm gonna go home and get another bottle of wine. Exactly. And then sit on the couch all day and until next Monday at 10:00 AM when I Dangerous cycle. Dangerous. Yeah. He said this thing that resonated with, there's been two things in life that Pete Davidson has made me cry. Okay. This is so weird.

This one, he was like talking about how before he got sober, he would just tell people that he was like kind of a weird guy or mm-hmm. People would know he was doing drugs or people would know little snippets so that no one would ask why he's being like that or why he's acting weird. Right. And you resonate with that.

I'm like that. Yeah. I'm like, I. 

Zoe: You don't want anyone to judge you. No. You wanna just like get it out there and be like, I know I'm weird 

Heather: and I'm like that in sobriety, but I was also like that in addiction too. Okay. Like where I would just be like, I'm drinking or like da da da. I like took this, but I just like, I never wanted anyone to question what I was doing.

Yeah. Because I wasn't gonna stop doing it. Got it. [00:39:00] I just, I liked that he was like, the transparency is keeping me safe. Yeah. Because everyone knows so it's not a problem. 

Zoe: I am, I'm really excited that he's like talking about it too, in an honest way. Yeah, 

Heather: I know. It's good. And he, he looks so good and I really hope that like it sticks.

'cause he does seem good. When he was like, I'm good. I'm sober. I'm like, yeah, we know. Yeah. I like it. Well they're having 

Zoe: a kid soon. Crazy. Yeah. Crazy. I think he'll be a good dad. So I think it's time. So yeah. I think it's really time. Settle it down. Yeah. Maybe he'll go on another, I think he is going on another comedy tour.

I think he was saying. Let see, maybe we'll come 

Heather: here and we should go. 

Zoe: We should go. Um, 

Heather: pd speaking of rehab. Last week I was like, do you wanna see our rehab binders? And then And you never showed them. Just never showed. Yeah. Alright. You were holding out on them, weren't you? I really was. Zoe and I brought our binders today to show you.

You wanna see our binders? You see our bind? Me? Yeah. 'cause when we go to rehab, we don't just do arts and crafts. We go to class, we go to [00:40:00] class. You sit in class for, what? Six hours a day, eight hours a day. And then a, a CA. Music, therapy. Music, art. Our music gym. Our music therapy was so stupid. Me, I don't think I did music.

I, the whole time I was in rehab every single day I was like, I could do this better. I could set this up better. Yeah. This is not 

Zoe: cool. Yeah. 

Heather: You know. 

Zoe: Well they tried to, we did a karaoke every Friday night and they like, wanted everyone to like sing a song. I refuse to sing. I never sang a song. I'm like, I will leave 

Heather: here and do heroin right now if you make me fucking sing.

This isn't outta my, don't wanna do a 

Zoe: karaoke song. No. 

Heather: I, please don't push me out of my fucking comfort zone. I'm already sober. Seriously. Sitting with all of you. Don't let 

Zoe: me rat shit. Don't make me, um, show them your binder. Okay. So yours is way thicker than mine. 

Heather: You were in rehab for 30 days. Yeah, I was there for 50 days.

Zoe: 50 or 45. It was supposed to be 45, but I was Oh, 50 

Heather: 50. 

Zoe: [00:41:00] You, uh, even have a little organizers. Oh yeah, 

Heather: I did. I think I just like, liked the idea of being organized. Yeah. But like, was that your schedule there? This is my schedule. Nice. Okay. This says Monday, April 3rd. Oh my God, that's so funny. Nine 30 Unity check, which I actually don't know what the fuck that means.

What time did you have to wake 

Zoe: up 

Heather: at? We woke up, we had breakfast at eight. Okay. 30 I think. So I was up at like six and just chilling. Yeah. And then, and then like afternoon group, aa, we had anger management. Distress tolerance, part one. Music, therapy, sex and intimacy. Grief and loss. Na. Communication.

Distress. Intolerance. Part two. Recovery. Oh, recovery movie night. Yeah. We have so much stages of change. Self care module. We had so much, but this would change every week. 

Zoe: Yeah. Same with ours. For every, 

Heather: yeah. 

Zoe: I think we got a new, um, new, new schedule every week. 

Heather: What did your day look like? 

Zoe: [00:42:00] Basically the same.

I woke up at eight every morning. Mm-hmm. We did intentions to start off. 

Heather: What are intentions? That's where, 

Zoe: um, we did meps. Mm-hmm. Which, oh, she's got her die. She's got her little journey. That's the dinosaur journal. Dinosaur was for meps and then we had to, I know meps. So M is for mental. E is for emotional, P is for physical, and S is for spiritual.

So you have to say how each of those is doing. Okay. Do a word. So November 2nd, 2022. Which must have been like my fourth day at rehab. Aw, no, because I got there October 23rd. So maybe that's like a weekend. You were there during Halloween? Yeah. Oh, that's fucking weird. Did you guys do stuff? I was sick. 

Heather: Oh, 

Zoe: on Halloween.

Why? 

Heather: What were you sick with? 

Zoe: I don't know, but people like brought germs, um, candy to my door 'cause I was so popular in [00:43:00] rehab. Obviously, obviously. So November 2nd. Mentally I was aware. Emotionally I was anxious. Physically, I was well rested and spiritually I was grateful. My intention was to be vulnerable throughout my one-on-one today.

Hmm. I want people to remember me for my kind, playful energy and for being strong enough to maintain sobriety. 

Heather: That's nice. Which is so cute. Do you feel like it was hard for you to be vulnerable in your one-on-ones? 

Zoe: I think so. Okay. It must have been if I was like, I want to be vulnerable. 

Heather: Yeah. But genu, generally speaking, do you feel like it would be hard for you to do that?

Zoe: Well, I think I was just so scared to do anything like early sobriety, so, yeah. 

Heather: Yeah. It doesn't make me nervous talking like one-on-one. Like I, I'm a fucking therapy girl, so. Well, I think 

Zoe: I was nervous 'cause I remember the first time I did my one-on-one with my counselor Mia, I just like cried for like 15 minutes.

Yeah. So I wanted to like actually say something instead of just bawling my eyes out probably. Yeah. You know? But sometimes you have to do the big [00:44:00] cry. Yeah. So what? But I think this MEPS thing is nice because like sometimes I feel bad and then I have to be like, okay, well why am I feeling bad? Like, yeah.

Am I, is my body just sore? Like, am I just pissed off 'cause I'm sore and I'm not feeling well in my body? Yeah. Or am I actually mentally like, fucked up right now? Like, what is it that's going on? Because then you can solve it. If you're sore, you can just like lay down or um, have a cold shower. Like, I don't know, get outside of yourself.

Heather: It's very important to know exactly how you're feeling. Yeah, it is. It really is. Because then you're just gonna start reacting in the way you think you feel. Yeah. And then get all confused and fucked up. And then that's when you're like, why did I, why did I do that? And now I have to drink about it.

Exactly. It's, and 

Zoe: I think like it's easy to just be like, oh, I feel bad, but it's. Hard to be like, oh, I feel bad because this, and now I'm gonna work on this part of myself. Yeah. To make me actually feel better. 

Heather: Well it's giving yourself empathy too. Yeah. It's like, I'm [00:45:00] feeling anxious today, so I'm like, I'm, I'm quick to trigger.

It's like I'm not a bad person 'cause I'm trick quick to trigger. I'm anxious and when I get anxious, this happens. 

Zoe: Yeah. It's like 

Heather: always. And to calm my 

Zoe: anxiety, I can do this to calm down. 

Heather: I know. And then it just gets hard when you're like, I'm angry and you're like, I could do this to stop being angry, but I don't want to.

Zoe: Mm-hmm. 

Heather: So I'm angry. I think like, going through these binders, my biggest thing was like, fuck, like, just like everything else in my life, I don't do fucking homework. I don't, and so I have this massive 80 pound binder 

Zoe: and there's just full of like, um, full of just 

Heather: like loose pages. Yeah. And just like all of this shit, first of all, such a waste.

But also, well, I guess it's, 

Zoe: um, it's nice to read because obviously that, um. That's a lot of education that's in there. You just didn't do a lot of Well, you did that. 

Heather: What's that? I mean this is, this is what I'm saying. This is why we can't go through my binder. 'cause there's like nothing. Yeah. But I, this is just like an anger styles quiz.

I try to never get angry. Yeah. Mm-hmm. I get really nervous when [00:46:00] others are angry. No, I feel I'm doing something bad when I get angry. No, this was before. And then I just wrote something, I wrote something on a sticky note somewhere that said like, I've been justifying my moral anger by, because I'm fucking right.

Mm. True. You know, because a big thing in rehab was like, I just hate men so much. And I'm like, well, I am. Right. And often I am fucking right. Like with the NHL thing, I'm like, yeah, but I hate them. So I am right. My moral anger. My moral anger was right. But it's like, yeah, you can't just like pick something.

You can't just be 

Zoe: angry. Have to like be able to let things go too. And I think you're really not good at that. 

Heather: Uh, let things go isn't necessarily like what I would. Make my goal. 

Zoe: Yeah. But like if you hold on to shit, you're gonna be angry for the rest of your life. 

Heather: Yeah. But you also have to work through the things you're angry about sometimes.

'cause sometimes you can, sometimes you get older but isn't working through it, kind of letting it go. [00:47:00] Well if you're just like, this thing happened to me, I'm good. I'm just not gonna think about it. No, because there's stuff trapped in your body. Not for everybody, but if something happens to you and that stores trauma mm-hmm.

You can't really just let it go. You have to like work on the things. Or it's gonna show up in other places like anger and not know why. Like, I found out I was fucking mad at my, my grade seven teacher, Mr. Teeny in rehab. Yeah. Like I didn't even know that I was mad. 'cause you didn't wanna 

Zoe: remember it or?

Heather: Um, no. 'cause I thought, I thought about it every single day, my whole entire life. Yeah. I just didn't know that I was so. Angry at him. Right. Like I knew I was like hurt and I knew that a lot of things were unfair. Yeah. But I didn't know how much of my life was so fucking angry because of him. Got it. And like the way people speak to me sometimes I'm like, I had to work through all of that to be like, oh, okay.

I'm triggered by him in this way. Mm-hmm. I can't just let that go. Mm-hmm. You know, [00:48:00] because he fucking hurt me. Yeah. So I can't, I've been carrying it around for way too long. Yeah. So I think, I think just sometimes, yeah, some things would be great to just let go and other things, it's like. In order to do that, you have to feel at peace with letting it go.

Zoe: Yeah. And that's what I'm saying. It's doing the work to be like, okay. Yeah. Immensely to be like, okay. And that is now through my body. Yeah. And I let go. That's the last 

Heather: step. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Um, my last step might be like punching him right in the head, but we haven't decided that yet. 

Zoe: I honestly, there's not much in the binder because again, it's just mostly worksheets that I didn't do a lot of either.

Heather: Yeah. I was like kind of a brat in rehab sometimes. Yeah. 

Zoe: Like got a little bit, sometimes I was just like, I mean, there's lots of emotions in rehab, so like, I get it. A lot of people were brats. I was, I guess I was kind of bratty, but I also was just like really quiet and just like kind of stuck to myself.

Heather: In the beginning. I was an angel. Mm-hmm. I was terrified to be there. I was like terrified I wouldn't get sober. I was like indebted to [00:49:00] everybody. And then by the end, like I had just, I knew too much. Yeah. I'd been there too long. Yeah. And now I'm like. Yeah, it was just a lot. And I just, I, I just like, I did have to get outta there at some point.

You know? Too much. You learn too much. Okay. Let's see what I said. For professional. Okay. My best professional self is a boss. Ooh. I have found what I, that's kind of true. I know. I have found what I love to do. It's hard work. It is my passion. I have let go of my past career and found a path that lets me flourish.

Finances are stable and I feel proud making good income. I have people who look up to me in my career and I can help them. Aw. That is kind of still how I feel. That is, that is how you feel, and that is kind of 

Zoe: what we're 

Heather: doing. That is what we're doing. I love that. Do this at home. When feeling bored and anxious, ask for a ginger ale instead.

Oh, this is on the plane. Mm. At least I'm drinking something. Yep. It's always just good to have something in your hands. Totally. That first plane is so crazy. Yeah. Oh, this is kind of [00:50:00] interesting. What does this say? My moral beliefs, honesty in relationships. Always be around for my sister. Keep educating myself.

Stand up for people. Mm-hmm. Accept people's differences and their choice in love. That's hard for me. 

Zoe: Yeah. 

Heather: Believe people and who they say they are and their experiences. I think I do that. Understand others' feelings are true to them. 

Zoe: You are very like compassionate and I think I trust, I think you trust people.

Heather: I, I trust that what people are saying to me is true to them. Yeah. Yeah. I do. Yeah. I trust people's like hearts and emotions. Yeah. I always also know a dirty 

Zoe: liar when I see one. But you do, and I think like you're good to get people to open up to you so that they can trust you. Yeah. 

Heather: I do like it. Yeah. I like it.

It's nice. Yeah. What do, tell me something from your little, your little. 

Zoe: My little thing. Yeah. So in here I have like before sobriety, rehab, and [00:51:00] after sobriety. Crazy. Read me like right before you went to, so I noted this co. Okay. So the, this day was January 12th, 2022. I went to rehab October, 2022. Okay. So reasons why I am not going to the LCBO.

Aw. Every time I get wasted, I've lost jobs and relationships, romantic and friends. I end up falling and hurting my body. True. 

Heather: Yeah. 

Zoe: The next day is a write off because I either keep drinking or feel like crap physically and mentally. I text people. I regret say things I don't mean I have sex with people I don't want to.

Um. Makes my body feel like shit. I gain weight. 

Heather: Mm-hmm. 

Zoe: Classic. Everything in my life stems from drinking too much. 

Heather: Mm-hmm. 

Zoe: That's like all in capitals. Oh my 

Heather: God. There's no lines on this paper. No, this is freehanding, 

Zoe: freehanding, everything. A 

Heather: wild girl. But 

Zoe: then, okay, that was January 12th. 

Heather: Mm-hmm. 

Zoe: January 14th.

I drank for two [00:52:00] weeks. Perfect. Times slash reasons why I drank this two weeks. Okay. And then I just like unblocked me. Zoom meeting didn't work. Those are just the two reasons I put there. Oh. So like, yeah. Very chaotic. Also valid. 

Heather: Very 

Zoe: valid. Like super fucking 

Heather: valid. If like the um, the Zoom link doesn't work.

Zoe: Yeah. 

Heather: Oh fuck you. Fuck you. Then I'm drinking. Yeah. Like, it really, really, it's that thank God, like, thank God I don't drink now because trying to set up this podcast with all the things that have gone wrong. Seriously. There's no way. There's no way. 

Zoe: Hospital at 1:00 PM October 7th. So this is like midday hospital trips.

Are we? I know. Weird. This is like three weeks before I went to rehab. I woke up feeling so alone. I know the answer is to reach out to my friends, but I feel like I'll be annoying them. But prove to yourself in family you can be sober for the weekend. Mm. Even though it's going to be really hard. If anything, allow yourself a six pack.[00:53:00] 

Heather: The insanity. No, it's delusional. I know. If anything, be sober so you can prove to your friends and family that you're sober for the weekend. If anything. If anything you can have a six pack. It's a little treat. That's amazing. I like know that brain though, so well, because beer at that point is basically apple juice.

Like you are not gonna get fucked up. Yeah. Damn Zoe. Let's see, like the last thing. I really like that it's like, reasons drinking. This person blocked me and my computer wasn't working. Know, I know. Yeah. I mean, those are the two worst things that could happen to a person. And so I don't know how you survived.

Well, literally I couldn't do anything. No. You know, it's no. And everything that happens, everything that goes wrong while you're an addict, you're like a, the world is fucking against me or I'm a piece of shit and I'm stupid. So both of those reasons I'm gonna drink, it's, it's, everything is chaos. Crazy.

Everything is chaos. Don't even set me up with a new TV in a remote if I'm drinking. Can't handle it. 

Zoe: The last thing I [00:54:00] wrote. I don't know. It just says drunk from October 19th to the 22nd. And then I go to rehab. That's crazy. Day one rehab. Watched all season six of working Moms Great show. Had a sweaty sleep.

That's all I wrote down for day one. 

Heather: Yeah. Yeah. I think that's, you're like, that's all I did. That's all I did. I sweat and I watched work in moms. Oh, 'cause you had what, a few days isolated before you Yeah. Joined the group. Well, I 

Zoe: think, um, I was too scared to be day three. Went off detox, still in the same room, went to breakfast and sat with people.

Smiley face. 

Heather: Aw. 

Zoe: So I think day three is when like I, I wrote down Dreams in rehab. 

Heather: Um, like dreams you were having in the night. 

Zoe: Yeah. 'cause I was having crazy ass dreams. Drinking, drinking dreams. Just like, Hey, a nurse. Came into my room calling me Sarah. Okay. No, let's Don't love that. I don't like that. 

Heather: I immediately hate it.

Zoe: Felt like I was protecting a kid, so I went after the man to punish [00:55:00] him, but the woman went after him and I stabbed her. I remember not fully dying though. What? Okay. I was actually killing a lot of people in my dreams. I was gonna 

Heather: say, violence is big for those early, yeah, it, it's weird. I dunno if it's like a blame thing or like a withdrawal thing, but also the drinking dreams are so insane.

So insane. They don't talk. I actually had a drinking dream last night. Oh my God. Yeah. What were you doing? Was I there? Who were you with? No. And why don't you choose me? 

Zoe: You weren't there. I remember I woke up trying to, I was like, I should write it down, but I didn't wanna write it down. I don't remember what I was doing, but I definitely had a drinking dream last night.

Yes. Yeah. Well, I, it's, I think my drinking dreams just. They end off being like, fuck. Like I don't wanna say sorry to all these people again, like the guilt and shame of it is what sticks with me. 

Heather: When you were drinking, who were you apologizing to? Your friends, 

Zoe: like my friends, my family, my [00:56:00] ex-boyfriend, his family.

Heather: Do you have friends now that you feel like have to apologize a lot or do a lot of apology tours? 

Zoe: Not really. No. Yeah. You felt like 

Heather: you're the Yeah. 

Zoe: I feel like I probably didn't even need to say so. Well I did, but I'm just such like a empathetic person that I feel like I've just felt bad for. 

Heather: Yeah. Doing 

Zoe: anything or like making my friends like scared.

I don't know. 

Heather: Just existing, like your presence existing is like dangerous. 

Zoe: Yeah. God, 

Heather: this is funny. My best social self social is so difficult for me. My best social self involves love. Okay. I have found a partner who supports me and who I support. He is kind. Oh, I was being so straight. He's kind loving, agrees to spontaneous adventures.

Mm. I don't like, yeah. You don't like that now? I don't like it. 

Zoe: No. 

Heather: Someone who IC unless it was like a very expensive trip. Yeah. Then I could do that. Um, someone who I continue to grow with, my [00:57:00] friends that I have kept, made are very important to me. I care about them and can tell them most things. I feel safe with these people.

My family continues to make time for each other. They are proud of me. Sober vacations, our annual. Aw, I like that. I like that. Okay. Vacation. I feel like I've done a good job with my friends. Yeah. I've made friends that are important to me and I can tell the most things. Yes, you can. That's you, Zoe, Francis Zoe.

Aw, that's really sweet. My personal best self is a sober woman living in a new house, fully decorated, designed to exactly what I want. My morning routine involves waking up early with Nike Rested water, coffee, and breakfast. I do coffee, going for a nice walk, followed by a workout. Oh, I journal. She don't, I write down my daily gratitude.

She don't. I'm fully aware of who I am. A funny, kind, compassionate person. That is who you are. Mind, body, soul, skin are the best they've ever been. Fuck yeah. I like that. That part. That part. [00:58:00] Aw, that's nice. That's nice. Okay. I'm still working on these things. Yeah, I think that's good. It's nice 

Zoe: to like remind you like.

Yeah. Just like how far you've come. Oh my God. And like what you wanted and now you're doing it. So what did you 

Heather: think you were gonna do when you got outta rehab? 

Zoe: Literally, I don't know. 

Heather: Did you have any plan, any kind of thought? No. Okay. 

Zoe: Well, I was just gonna go to meetings. But job wise or like, well, I was working at a med spa before in Sarnia, so I was just like, okay.

Did you 

Heather: hired from there? 

Zoe: Yep. Okay. But my back took me to the hospital. Right. Yeah. Do you think she 

Heather: had let you back 

Zoe: in Sarnia? Yeah. I wasn't going back to Sarnia. Okay. My job, my goal was to go back to Toronto. 

Heather: Yeah. So you were like, okay, I'm gonna find a job in the city. Yeah. Yeah. That's good. Did you know what?

Did you know you wanted to do? Meds spa? 

Zoe: I was just like, I guess like I, this is what I have to do 'cause this is what I've been doing. 

Heather: Yeah. Yeah. Fuck. That was the thing be, I'm like, am I gonna, am I gonna get a desk job? Yeah. [00:59:00] Shit. I'm like, I don't have any skills. I'm gonna go work. I'm, I can't even do bookkeeping.

Mm-hmm. I'm like, I actually, I had a small tutorial on bookkeeping. Two days ago. Ooh. From a woman who, she was fine. She was nice. But you know, 

Zoe: um, also a lot of this, like the early stuff is like, yeah, my ex-boyfriend blocked me again. Or like, yeah, fuck my ex-boyfriend. I slept with his best friend. Or like, just like, me and my ex were so toxic together and he was also an addict.

Mm-hmm. Um, and I just like, it was a great relationship in the beginning, but it got so fucked up. 

Heather: Yeah. 

Zoe: And I think, like I was so wrapped up in that, that even after rehab, like I was still talking to him Mm. Really after because I, yeah. I was like, I thought that maybe we could like figure it out. Yeah.

'cause I was so toxic and like obsessed with that. And I think I wanted to [01:00:00] like prove to him that I could be a good girlfriend and be sober for him. Yeah. Um, so yeah, like even 

Heather: after rehab too, you've like learned all the lessons and you're like, but maybe I can be better for him. Exactly. And you're like almost, yeah.

Almost got the point, babe. But it does, I mean, rehab doesn't fix everything. You still have to go and take those lessons. 

Zoe: No, like I was talking like January 24th, 2023. Like this is what, five months sober. Now I keep talking about him. I told my ex I was upset about not seeing him and that he never called yesterday.

And it seems like he doesn't even care. So like I was still obsessed with him. 

Heather: That's so interesting that you stayed sober. 

Zoe: Yeah. Well I think a little bit of it was maybe like. To like get him to want me again. 

Heather: Yeah. But then the like constant like rejection of that. Yeah. Having sobriety, not sobriety, but, well, because I don't, 

Zoe: I don't know if I knew, I don't think I actually wanted him.

I think I wanted to prove to him that I was better than him and like 

Heather: Yeah. You 

Zoe: know, that [01:01:00] is a helpful tool. Yeah, that is a very helpful 

Heather: tool. '

Zoe: cause I was always so fucked up with him. 

Heather: Yeah. 

Zoe: But at the end of this, oh my God, you wrote to the end. At the end, the last thing I kind of write is like, and I'm not talking to my ex anymore.

And it's like, wow. It took me, what day was that? February 23rd? Like it, I don't know. I think he did come over that spring though. Okay. In 2023. So six plus months of being sober. I invited that guy to my house in Toronto. Yeah. 

Heather: Yeah. 

Zoe: He was drinking the whole time. And I told him like the one rule that. Uh, that we have is that you cannot do cocaine.

Heather: Mm. Okay. I went 

Zoe: to work and he did coke. 

Heather: Yeah. Well, we can't do rules. Yeah. And you're like, okay. Right, right, right. You're not where I am. 

Zoe: And we did hook up like twice that weekend and I think after that, that was like the closure that I needed to never like, [01:02:00] sure. We like text like every six months or so.

Like he says, like, I'm so happy you're doing so well, whatever. But after that I was like, yeah, fuck. I do not want this man. Like this is, I wish him the best. Truly, he is like a good guy somewhere deep down in his heart, but like he does have to get sober and like do some work for himself. Yeah. But a lot of my.

Like s like drinking and then spread was like all wrapped up around my ex-boyfriend because now I'm so like not male centered at all. Well, 

Heather: that's right. Yeah. So that's what I find so interesting about this whole thing. We can't just make a decision about someone in our life and change it. Yeah. It's like you have to go, some of us have to literally become alcoholics and go to rehab to figure out what's best for us and what we actually want and who's not serving us.

Yeah. So like that book is just such a testament to that. Yeah. Years and years and years of you like, or whatever months. Year years. Yeah. Like I [01:03:00] of trying to figure it out and then it's the, at the very end you're like, finally I am done with this person. Yeah. Yeah. And it's like, it's almost like, okay, yeah, no, we're, we've given you all the tools and you're doing all of it.

Mm-hmm. Like you're sober and you're going to meetings. Yeah. And you're working on yourself and you have a routine and you have a job, and all of those things are amazing. Amazing. And then you have this one thing that you can't seem to kick. Yeah. But it's 'cause it's ingrained in you. Yeah. And it's like, well, I can't.

But I'm, I'm this person now. Am I supposed to just, but I still love that person and I am still that person. It's very hard. Yeah. So any relationships, like you talking like, one of the things in here that I said that was like, be accepting of people in who they love. Yeah. That's very hard for me because I think I know, and a lot of us, we do objectively know what's better for our friends because we can see it clearly.

But just like this book, it's like I have to give people time mm-hmm. To write through their chapters and exhaust themselves. Yeah. It's just true. Yeah. I'm glad you wrote that down. I'm glad you have that all 'cause. [01:04:00] 

Zoe: It, it's like, like, it's just crazy to me. Like, even like my second year of sobriety, I've said to my sponsor, I was like, remember I had my ex-boyfriend come to my house last year?

Like, what the fuck was I thinking? Oh, she knew you 

Heather: at 

Zoe: that time? Yeah. Okay. She, she knew he was coming over too. Okay. 'cause I was like, I think I'm gonna do this. Like, what do you think? And she was like, would do whatever you wanna do. And I was like, why did you let me do that? 

Heather: Yeah. Like, don't you just wish a sponsor and a therapist would just, every now and then be like, Nope.

Hey, not a good idea. Yeah, yeah. Like, just one time, take the hat off and tell 

Zoe: me exactly how you feel. Yeah. So it's just like, if you're in early sobriety, like it's a weird time. It's a weird fucking time. You're gonna do weird shit with weird men. You're gonna do weird shit. You're gonna figure it out. Like the first year is very, you're still like figuring everything out.

Yeah. 

Heather: All of this work that's in that book, all of it. And. He's done no work. Yeah. And you're doing all of this stuff and it's still, it's like what's the most important thing in that book? Obviously we know it's sobriety, but it's like in those moments, [01:05:00] what's the most important thing you're writing about?

Is it sobriety or is it this guy? Mm-hmm. And it's not, it's like all wrapped into who you are and how you're feeling, but the two most important things, and one is life or death, and the other one just feels like life or death, you know? Yeah. It's 

Zoe: just the perception. 

Heather: Yeah. Of it. Yeah. And I think there is a thing too.

We get sober and we're like, okay, I'm better now. Yeah. And now everything in my life that was wrong should be better because I'm the problem. Yeah. And then you bring in another individual into that and you're like, oh, so now I'm working extra hard and now I've realized that you are also a problem and you're not doing any work.

Yeah. Yeah. I think rehab. 

Zoe: Yeah, 

Heather: it's, it's a lot. We should do that every time we date someone. Just like start writing shit down. Yeah. I mean, you can journal from Journal I, it's, I have stuff about sex in here. Okay. Um, like identifying your problem areas. Also, don't call them my problem areas. That's crazy.

It's [01:06:00] like I have an infection. What boundary categories have the most violations? Emotional, intellectual, and sexual. That's what I said. Mm. How have these boundary issues impacted you? Negatively. Emotional sharing too much when sober and drinking. When was I sober? 

Zoe: Yeah. 

Heather: Don't, I don't always remember what I've shared.

Zoe: Yeah. 

Heather: Um, the not knowing is scary. The not knowing is so scary. Scary. And I remember my sister used to say this to me, like, she's like, you don't leave a lot to like the imagination. Mm-hmm. Like, you don't let people get to know you. Right. And then if you tell people too many things upfront, but you don't even know that person and you're telling people that you don't trust.

Or, but you think you should trust they can turn that around and use it all against you. Yeah. Even being open about addiction and sobriety, it's like be careful who you tell and how they wanna spin that. Yeah. Because sometimes it's just so fun to talk about everything and you're just manic about things and then it's like, well, what do people deserve about your 

Zoe: life?

Exactly. You know? Do you know that [01:07:00] this person, can you trust this person? Do they have good intentions? 

Heather: Yeah. Intellectual fighting with my dad, getting heated turns to attacking his character if we like, would fight with politics and stuff. Yeah. I'd be like, well, you are the fucking worst. Yeah. Um, and then promiscuous sex with whoever, whenever.

Yeah. First dates. Use sexual humor as a defense. Not sure if I make others uncomfortable. I don't want to harass anyone. Yeah. That's nice. 

Zoe: Yeah. I feel like I was just like pouncing on the men thinking that they wanted it. 

Heather: Ooh. Yeah. I really was too. Yeah. I'm really glad that that part of my life is over.

Same like having sex. Just to fulfill something. And I think it was so that they would feel satisfied so that I was associated with like satisfaction. 

Zoe: Right. 

Heather: And then I'm like, well, maybe you'll need me and you'll call me again. True. That's like all it fucking was like that's why even when I was in rehab and I was like, what am I gonna do after?

It's like I don't even know who I am to anybody. Yeah. Like all I've been to anyone is like a fuck doll or like [01:08:00] some drunk person and I'm like, who am I? 

Zoe: And it takes a while to figure that out. Like I think you're only now just like really starting to figure out who you are. Yeah. Like the past, I don't know.

Whenever we started this podcast is I think when you really. 18 years ago. Got familiar with yourself? Yeah. And started to trust yourself. 

Heather: Yeah. A little bit more. Yeah. It's funny that I'm thinking about this back then, like being fully present during sex. Allowing myself, yeah. To be an equal part. Figuring out, expressing what I like and not feeling bad or like an inconvenience.

Yeah. I do feel like an inconvenience. And just recently I've been like a lot, man. I was faking orgasms forever my whole life. Yeah. Always people who think that they've made me come. No, no, no, no, sweetie. I'm a great actress. But also like, I don't 

Zoe: think I was coming at all when I was having drunk sex. I mean, yeah.

Like I don't think it was possible for me to feel anything. 

Heather: No. But I just, I've realized recently, okay, so like I've been having sex and I really do think like. I've never wanted to like actually let myself feel pleasure because I don't know what I look like [01:09:00] or like, I dunno what my face looks like. I dunno what my body's doing.

And sometimes to like really feel the pleasure you have to like, move in a certain 

Zoe: way. Or like, I know like my face gets probably fucked up and whenever I'm done having sex, I look at my, my face in the mirror. Oh my God. And the line here is so big and I'm like, my boyfriend. What have, what have you done?

I have a wrinkle. I know. Or 

Heather: like, just like face smashed into the pillow. Yeah. And I'm like, excuse me, slaps. Elevated slaps. Yeah. Yeah. I, uh, it's really nice that I do feel like that, that fear of like, even, it wasn't even a fear. I didn't even think it was a fear. Yeah. It was just like, oh, I'm never gonna let myself get to this point.

It's not gonna happen. I'm not gonna try. Did you think that you 

Zoe: didn't deserve it or it was just like the body stuff? It was just the per um, perception of what you look like? I think 

Heather: massive body stuff. Yeah. I think body stuff, like, it just felt like. I have to hide my body even though I'm naked. So there's no way I can ever experience any kind of pleasure because I hate this situation.

Yeah. And then, and then, yeah. I don't know if it's like a [01:10:00] deserved thing, but I got to the point where I was like, well, I've been faking it this whole time, so I don't even know Yeah. How to come. I mean, mind you, I've been masturbating since I was like nine, but like then I also was like, well, have I ruined my clit?

Mm-hmm. Like have I just been doing a thing for so long that that's the only way my body knows how to come? Yeah. But now I feel like it's different. Now I'm like comfortable and I'm like forcing myself to try. Yeah. And it's nice. It's nice. But I feel like I do, I do look a little crazy. 

Zoe: We all do. It's fine.

It's sex. It's supposed to look crazy. We're animal having sex. Yeah. At the end of the day. Yeah. It's fine. 

Heather: And mind you, I 

Zoe: never care what 

Heather: like he looks like when he is doing it. Literally. I usually like it when they have, I like it when they have the 

Zoe: word. Yeah. I fucking love it. 

Heather: I'm like, you're working.

You. The married guy. 

Zoe: Yeah. 

Heather: Yeah. He, he's putting in severe effort and he's like, exhausted after Exhausted, exhausted. I know. And then he'll be like, you did such a good job. And I'm like, I did. It's nothing. Thank you so much. We're all taking in information differently if it's just like sitting with it or if it's like having [01:11:00] as much fun as you possibly can in rehab and working on yourself in that way.

Zoe: Yeah. And like some people just don't have the capacity to do like, no. Write stuff down. Take information in if you are doing hard drugs. 

Heather: Yeah. 

Zoe: For years and years and years. I don't think you can do a worksheet, you know? 

Heather: No, 

Zoe: come on. No, 

Heather: that was a 

Zoe: bit 

Heather: hard. Yeah, that was like every single morning. It's like, Heather, did you write this?

And I'm like. No, but I'll do it right now. Yeah. It's like it was supposed to be reflective. 

Zoe: Yeah. If you, uh, wanna know anything else about our binders, let us know. Yeah, yeah. And, um, we'll find it or we'll tell you about it. There's something in this 

Heather: binder that says amygdala hack. I haven't even looked over that, but I guess thinking brain versus emotional brain.

Guys, there's so much in here. There's so much. So if you have any questions, 

Zoe: let us know. Mm-hmm. 

Heather: And, uh, we'll keep talking about our binders. 

Zoe: Yeah. I hope you, I hope you thought that was interesting. 

Heather: Yeah. And I hope you now know that rehab is class and not arts and crafts. 

Zoe: Yeah. We do a lot of work. 

Heather: We do a lot of 

Zoe: work.

We do a lot of work on [01:12:00] ourselves. And it 

Heather: worked. Thank God. Thank 

Zoe: God. Okay. Well. Proud of you. I'm proud of you. I love you. I love you. Bye.

Heather: Undrunk. Thanks for listening to Girl Undrunk. You can follow us on Instagram and TikTok at Girl Undrunk podcast and or send me an email at heather@girlundrunk.com. Walking around. Are you fucking kidding me? Sorry,

I had to finish it. I'm done. Go on. You are very good at finishing your drinks. I need to, I'm so shit at all of it. I, I have full cups of things just lying around all the time. Oh, no.

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